One of the problems with the Ellen thing (definitely not the only problem, maybe not even the worst problem) is that it views conflict as inherently bad, and the dissolving of conflict as inherently good.
It prioritizes reconciliation over everything and assumes the goal is *always* a handshake at the end, and because it's the conflict that's bad and not the things that led to it, everyone is equally responsible for making that handshake happen.
And under this worldview, being almost *aggressive* about making reconciliation happen isn't always recognized as the presumptuous and harmful act that it is. People keep conflict in place for a reason: they want distance, or they want something to happen before the handshake.
It's obviously especially true here where she's not a member of the specific community most at issue, but it's always true that when you offer a handshake and suggest other people should do the same, you're on thin ice.
Keeping conflict in place is often the only leverage people without a lot of power have. They withhold their fandom, their money, their attention, their affection, their love -- depending on the relationship. You have to let them decide when and if to even *want* reconciliation.
