Thread by @Thiss_Henri

12th of February, 2016. A friday and two days to another Valentine's Day in which I'll be indoors and pressing my phone... again, I thought to myself as I dragged my tired feet up the unending stairs. Finally at the top floor, my eyes beheld this melanin queen...

A thread 😍

...in corper uniform looking at me in an interesting manner. To my left were a number of people obviously waiting to be attended to.

All eyes on me.

To my right was the office, my destination. I took a quick glance at the black beauty who seemed to be challenging...

..me to a staring contest. It wasn't her fault. Who wouldn't look? I was wearing a white Hugo Boss polo on a navy-blue denim pants, white loafers, Tom Ford cologne (wasn't mine 😂) and sunshades. I looked like a throwback Jim Iyke. Sexy and I knew it 💃

"Who is in charge here?"

.... I asked in a thoughtfully made-up baritone as I got into the office, attracting every staff and customer's attention in the room. Wow!

I was on fire that morning 🔥

"What can we do for you, Sir" one of the ladies asked. Nigerians and answering questions with questions...

.... After telling her I wanted to get my National Identity Card, she passed me a form which I quickly filled bar some perplexing fields.

Bending over her table, I asked her questions regarding these fields which she answered while covering her overly exposed cleavage...

I was disappointed 😑

Why was she covering it? Did she think I was looking? I wasn't even looking. I didn't even notice the cleavage 🙄. Hissing in my spirit, I gave her the completely filled form requesting she speeds up the process so I could leave in five.

"Oga, there are...

...other people queueing outside. Have some patience please" she said while pointing to the people at the balcony corridor. I looked back to meet about fourty pairs of eyes giving me the 'shey-we-wey-dey-line-na-mumu-abi?' look.

Whoa! Seems I just lost my fans

"Alright,...

.....thank you" I replied in Thor Impression (I had just rewatched Thor 1 & 2 the night before).

Gently, I walked to the balcony corridor turned waiting room where I found a sit next to the corper. A few seconds turned to a minute, a minute turned to three minutes and I was...

...still trying to come up with an ice breaker to get us talking. I was rusty and seriously trying to force a conversation with this girl whose scent and presence overwhelmed me.

While in my thoughts, she reached into her handbag and pulled out a pack of Orbits....

I saw this as an opportunity to use the old fashioned 'can I have one?' line 😆

One. Two. Ready. G....

"Care for one?" She asked before I could shoot. "Yea, sure" I answered while picking one from the pack, unwrapped, put in my mouth and tendered my gratitude to which...

...she gave a warm "you are welcome"

"Henri is the name" I continued, "You?" She introduced herself as Funmi and further supported the conversation with questions and inputs stretching from education, religion, movies to our mission in that office

I was impressed...

Good conversationalist, skilled orator, heart-snatching smile and beautiful in & out?? 😍 I liked her instantly. I felt I had met the one. I quickly checked my hoe statistics. Never have I fallen in love at first sight. I'll definitely be making a record with this damsel....

...After almost an hour of talking, we had a brief patch of silence which led to her excusing herself to quickly check the office for the reason behind the sluggish nature of the queue...unknowingly gifting me a dorsal view of her beautiful anatomy. Women are beautiful 😍....

.....

Having to spend loads of hours there was nightmarish to me but due to the urgent nature of what I needed the Identity Card for, I had no option but to wait. This led to me cancelling and postponing appointments, sending delegates for those I couldn't shake off...

...and making new plans.

A changed day

While accepting the new nature of my day, there she came. A Queen basking in excessive glory, oozing self confidence as she sashayed all the way back to her seat - I pictured her on the runway.

"What's going on in there?" I questioned..

...as she lazily dropped to her seat. She sighed before narrating the confusion and incompetence happening there.

1PM 🕐

"Seems we have more hours to spend here" she said as she feigned a cry and playfully placed her oval head on my shoulder. My mind instantly travelled..

...miles away. I saw us in beach wears sipping coconut water and chasing ourselves by the river bank, splashing water on each other and kissing passionately 😋😘.

Valentine's day was going to be lit. No doubts. I have found the one. No devil could come in between...

And magically, she popped the question

"How are you spending your Valentine's Day?"

"Back home eating and watching TV" I replied.

She gave me a doubtful look before explaining how hers was going to be a bit depressing. Awwwww.....

I jokingly proposed we spend the 14th together which she turned down for not-ready-for-another-relationship reasons.

I laughed it off. We laughed it off. Maybe we could just end up as mere friends, no string attached... I thought to myself

Loud murmurings, shouts and derogatory terms took over the spot as a man who had just come in with his white family got attended to right away. Arguments and unrest followed. The president was blamed for what had just happened. People started making plans to leave the country..

...on the spot. Different conspiracy theories relating to the event were uncovered. Racism, slave trade and bad governance were trending. There was a low budget pandemonium 😥

The turbulence caused I and Funmi to yawn simultaneously. Wow!

How could two people yawn together if true love wasn't the case? What a romantic coincidence?? This love must work. This Valentine must be lit. We must spend it together .... I told myself

We decided to pay the cafeteria a visit. Lunch wasn't that delicious but something about how it was prepared made us to know each other better.

"So are you just going to give up?" She asked

"Give up on what?" I asked curiously

"Valentine? Our Valentine?" She replied...

I had nothing to say so we burst into laughter. Further talks on the issue magically stamped my place as the rendezvous. We were going to spend the weekend together. We seemed to be strolling into a relationship. Wonderful development 😍😍

Turns out she was playing...

...hard to get initially. We exchanged contacts.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

My soul almost choked on the boneless meat I had just ingested. I thought of bae and all the things we've been through. The ups and downs. I never lie to girls about her place...

...in my heart. I never did. I was always plain and blunt about my relationship with her. We couldn't spend the Vals together because we couldn't meet physically.

All in a second I made up my mind to tell her. I looked deep into her eyes and said...

"Nope. No, I'm single, dear"

Her eyes lit up. Seemed like welcome news to her. Welcome news to us 😋

She offered to take care of the bill which I turned down. That was her punishment for playfully turning me down initially. Nonsense 🙄 1-1

We both went back upstairs after hearing that her name was being called. She went in and after fifteen minutes she came out. Not happy as I previously thought. Turns out she was given a laminated slip and asked to either pay money instantly if she wanted....

...the original or come back four weeks later for it.

4PM 🕓

She wanted to stay till I got mine but there were about 20 people before me so I convinced her to go home, get some rest and get ready for our weekend together. She smiled

We both knew what we were getting into...

She picked her phone and called a taxi driver. While waiting for her taxi to arrive, we gisted. The little book I came out with fell off the balcony due to our beautiful recklessness so I went to get it downstairs. She followed.

Her driver called

She grabbed and hugged me without my consent. I wasn't complaining 🙄 Funmi hugged me with her full chest. Her larger than life bress. I held her. Dwayne Johnson and Vin Diesel couldn't separate us if they tried with all their strength. Seemed she had..

...finally found love again.

We were acting like a bunch of 20 year olds who just found a room to vent their coital frustrations.

I pulled away reluctantly. She had to go and I had to pick my book to avoid stories that touch.

"Bye" she said as she left for her...

... taxi. I knew she was going to turn around. The ladies always turn around for that last peep at their Prince Charming. I anticipated this as I savoured the glory of her backside 🍑 The monumental achievement I was going to make that weekend 😍

She did it....

In slow motion she turned...

Now facing the building with a devilish grin as if to curse it for holding her hostage for almost ten hours. She got into the cab and slammed the door!!!

Wait, what????? 😨

I was shoved back to reality by that slam

Eight good hours with this girl and I didn't say a word to her. I just kept fantasizing. Imagining things.

I went back upstairs. Then it happened...

14th of February, 2017, another Valentine's Day which I spent indoors pressing my phone... again. A terrible day for all the nerves and hormones in my body 💔

End of a Thread 😭😭😭