Thread by @VisionPoet

#TrashterpieceTheater #TPTEpisode12
Trapped In The Studio
aka The Legend of Dreamybuns McStackedass

Trashterpiece Theater is brought to you by Aint Shit Nxgga Productions in conjunction with Ya Aunty’s Favorite Fxcboy Films
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So before I realized I wanted to write, teach and perform poetry, I wanted to be a DJ. Perritty bough me a bunch of DJ equipment in HS and I began to spend every nickel I had on records.
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I had crates and crates of 90s R&B hip hop, R&B and Dancehall vinyl, and used to get paid pennies to do parties in the hood. Then I realized I didn’t wanna be a DJ I wanted to be a radio personality.
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I got the opportunity when I went to college. The people who ran the radio station up there heard I DJ’d and recruited me to do my own show. At the time there was NO hip hop being played on the air in like a 50 mile radius. So I was that BUL
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My show was every Saturday night. While my homies were out partying, I was DJing. And it was fine with me bc the parties in campus sucked a buffet of dicks anyway.
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I hit up all the record labels to let them know I existed and had the market to myself. Pretty soon they were sending me all kinds of free stuff.
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I remember this one lady at a label hit me up telling me about this rapper from Detroit who was about to take the game over. I told her I’d play his stuff but I was like, white boy from Detroit? He has no chance. Yeah. About that.
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My show got pretty big in the area and while the signal wasn’t strong, at the time slot I had, it stretched far af. The phones used to ring off the hook for requests and I started getting noticed off campus by listeners.
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One day me and my roommate at the time were off campus at the liquor store buying broke juice (MD 2020) and then went to McDonalds to hit up the dollar menu (Dollar menu used to POP back then)
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We see these two jawns. They see us. They smile. I’m all tall and shit, and my roommate looked like Omar Epps so jawns used to be on us. Especially Central PA jawns.
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The petite jawn was on my roommate, and the thick one was on me, licking her lips and shit like I was on the dollar menu too. Sidenote, if I were on the dollar menu, she would’ve paid too much for my trash ass back then.
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My roommate bagged the petite jawn, I bagged Amazon McThickums, who actually recognized me and said she listened to the show. She said I was cuter than I sounded on the radio.
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I wasn’t sure how to take that but she had a fat ass. Her "booty to offend me" ratio was spot on so my basic ass let it slide.
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At the time, i was off and on with my gf. When I bagged Thickthighs McCaboosebooty, me and my gf were OFF. So i felt no guilt bagging her.
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Then that week, it looked like me and gf were gonna be back on, so when Thundercheeks von Smotheryourface beeped me, I igged it.
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So I’m igging Dreamybuns McArchedback and I really didn’t want to, but I was a one woman man when I wasn’t being community dick.
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So now I’m agg talking to my gf trying to see if it’s gonna work out. Again. And we decided not to… AGAIN. That week. I’m not saying I sabotaged the negotiations, but I’m not saying… Wait. Yes I am. That’s what I did.
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I sabotaged the fxck outta that makeup because I was trying to see that Broadbutt Bella was hitting for. So I finally called back Jiggledrawls McGlorycakes and now SHE was igging me. Called a few days in a row. No return.
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Saturday came and it was time for my show. I got to the station to a box of new promo stuff from Def Jam, Rocafella, Aftermath, etc. Station manager told me to have it cleaned up before I left. Decided to go thru it after the show was over.
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As the night wore on, it’s past midnight and the show was wrapping up. I started going thru the promo stuff to see what I was gonna keep for me and my homies, and what I was gonna give away. Then the station phone rang. It was her.
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Wonderloaf McBootyslap!
Her: Your show about to end right?
Me: YUP!
Her: You should come over.
Me:YUP!
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She gave me her address, walking distance off campus. When I ended my show, I said fxck den boxes! I grab be a few things i could sort back in my dorm room and stuffed them in a messenger bag. It was just a bunch of posters, CDs, etc.

I threw the rest of the shit in storage room & locked the station anxious to the buns. Instead of going back to my dorm to drop the bag off, I decided to go straight to Creamythighs Jones house so my off again gf or her friends wouldn’t see me.
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So my 6’7 ass is walking down the deserted streets of a Central PA town on my way to do hood rat shit. I get to her apartment lobby. Dude at the front desk throws me shade. Asks me where I’m going, I tell him, he shakes his head.
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I get on the elevator hype af. Get off even hyper. Her apartment was right next to the elevator so I didn’t have to walk down the hall. I knock. She answers. In lingerie.
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Rest in peace to that g-string because her ass swallowed it like lunch. She grabbed my hand and walked me in to a fly ass studio apt. There was like a million candles lit. She grabbed me by the back of the head and kissed me. We go at it.
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She pushes me on the bed and begins going to town. And now I’m re-examining every decision I ever made in life and high key mad that I’m probably gon have to marry this jawn now.
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We go at it.
And at it
And at it.
It’s a cake overload.
A bakery buffet, s'il vous plaît.
And I’m about to check out the game early because I looked down to see all that action.
NEVER. LOOK. DOWN.
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So I start singing Biggie lyrics in my head to take my mind off the Duncan Hines slapping against me. she moaning, but I’m like, “Who tf is this? Paging me at 5:46 in the morning, crack of dawn and…”
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Sidenote, I can’t speak for all men, but I have a list of songs i sing in my head when they game is about to be over in the 1st Quarter. Renegade by Jay Z, and Money Trees by Kendrick, of note)
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We both pass out after a while. I wake up a little while later and she’s drooling on my chest. The elevator door rings outside the door. She jumps up. Alarmed.
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Elevator door opens and she’s listening intently. Footsteps stop outside the door, “I think. I think. I think that’s my man!”
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So now i’m part scared, part laughing because I was JUST spitting Biggie lyrics and found myself in a “I Got A Story To Tell” scenario. We hear a voice, “What the fuck did I do with my keys??!!”
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Sloppytop McBackshots says, “Yo. Hide!”
Me: WHERE? I’m 6’7 and this is a STUDIO!
Homie is on the other side and I’m like WWBD. “What would Biggie do?”
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Rob the nxgga. That’s what he would’ve done. And I wasn’t about that life, and had nary a gun or duct tape like Big. She jumped up. Put on a robe. I put my clothes on fast af. Homie fumbling at the door with his keys.
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Finally opened the door and see me standing in his apartment with his blessed in the booty girlfriend on the other side of the bed. He loud as shit like, “WHAT THE FXCK IS THIS SHIT?”
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The gawd of fxckboys did not forsake me that night tho. It came to me quick. I picked up the messenger bag. Pulled out CDs. “I DJ at the station. Your girl won a prize pack. I’m leaving tomorrow so I decided to bring it to her tonight.”
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He looked at me. Looked at her. Looked back at me. Reached his hand, “My nxgga! We listen to you every weekend. Nice to finally meet you bro!”
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Homie started going thru the bag picking out what he wanted, picking out Cash Money and Ruff Ryderz stuff. Cheeks McGee slid to the bathroom and freshened up. Homie was happy as fuck. I dapped him up and walked back to campus.
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Next week, homie called up to the station and left a promo drop for my show.”For the real hip hop and R&B, lock it in to…” R&B of course meaning, “ran thru them buns.”
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I saw her a few times after that. At Blockbuster with him. At McDonald’s with him. But never one on one. We used to just smirk at each other while I dapped up her dude. Trash!
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Thanks for reading #TrashterpieceTheater. All episodes are archived on my IG page (@ visionpoet) in the highlights.

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