Thread by @lawprofblawg

Every controversial twitter post ever:

Me: I like cake.
Troll 1: What do you mean "like?"
Me: Cake is tasty.
Troll 1: Define your terms. "Tasty" means what? Also, what is cake?
Troll 2: I don't appreciate you leaving out pies.
Troll 3: Who cares? The planet is burning.

Me: Look, I'm concerned about the planet, too. I just like cake.
Troll 4: Liberals like cake. I can tell you're a pinko.
Troll 5: I had a friend killed by cake once. You don't know what hell you are bringing upon the planet.
Me: Look, I just want a piece of cake.

Troll 1: WTF! "Piece?" What does that mean?
Me: Slice.
Troll 2: I reported you to Twitter for threatening to slice.
Me: I was threatening to slice cake.
Troll 3: Cake are people too!

Me: I just want dessert.
Troll: Actually, if you go back to Marie Antoinette, you are being offense against the poor with your cake metaphor.
Me: No, I really just wanted a slice of cake.
Troll 3: Define "slice."
Dr. Troll: Actually, that's not healthy, with all the sugar.

Me: I'm not eating it all the time. I just want one.
Troll: You are encouraging kids to get Diabetes.
Me: What is wrong with wanting a piece of cake?
Troll 2: Piece or slice? Make up your mind! Just like a liberal not to define terms. Make pie great again

Me: I fail to see why this is troubling. I just want a piece of cake.
Russian Troll: @AOC will take away your cakes.
Me: I don't think she'll care. But can we just stop this discussion?
Troll: Finally see the err of your ways and want pie? Thought so.

Me: Sigh.
Troll 2: Mueller warned us that Russia was interfering in our dessert choices.
Me: I've read the report, and I don't think...
Troll 3: LIB-TARD!!!!
Me: Sigh....never mind. I'll just have ice cream.
Troll 4: You are making cows suffer.

Me: Look it's a democracy. I can have cake.
Troll 2: Actually, we aren't a democracy. We're a republic.
Me: I thought we were an autonomous collective.
Troll 3: Patronizing Liberal Commie Pinko!

Me: Look, I just want cake. It feels unjust that I have to deal with...
Troll 4: Merrick Garland liked cakes. But no, Kavanaugh likes pies, so we can't have cake now.
Troll 5: Russians are going to take away cake and pie. Baklava is all we'll get.
Me: Isn't that Greek?

Troll 7: I'm disappointed in you. Up until now, I've enjoyed your posts, but with cake you've gone too far.
Me: I just crave cake right now.
Troll 8: Sugar addiction. So sad.
Troll 9: A friend of mine died from sugar.
Me: Look, I jest want cake....
Troll 10: TYPO!

Me: I'm thinking a chocolate cake. Or maybe dulce de leche....
Troll 11: Mexican cakes are flooding the market! Build a wall!
Me: You know I could make one here...
Troll 11: Terrorist!

Me: Chocolate cake it is. Maybe 3 layers....
Troll 1: Layers? That code for background checks?
Me: I'm not discussing the 2nd Amendment....I just want cake.
Troll 2: Liberal. Rather have a cake than a gun!

Troll 14: How do you know cake will make you happy?
Me: Here's empirical literature about joy and cake.
Troll 15: Those are flawed. In ways I won't tell you.
Me: Okay, but they are peer reviewed and sufficiently scientifically proven.
Troll 15: Totally against my experience.

Troll 16: I am reporting your cake pic. It's obscene to us pie people.
Troll 17: Let's start a hashtag: #LPBAntiPie
Troll 18: If he had some practice experience, he'd like pie better.

Troll 19: I find it interesting that you didn't think about other desserts. Maybe showing your bias from the Ivory Tower.
Me: I've made other desserts before.
Troll 20: Some of your best friends are other desserts, are they?

Me: Maybe some chocolate frosting.
Troll 21: Icing.
Me: What's the difference?
Troll 22: Figures. Claiming authority about cake and don't know the difference.
Me: I just wanted cake.
Troll 22: But didn't say you wanted icing!