Thread by @deniseyu21

Next up: "You can't bubblebath the burnout away", with the wonderful @jtu! (I've been wanting to see this talk forever!)

A few years ago, she found herself in a stressful job. She decided to set hard limits on when she would start/stop working, and invest in self-care. #SelfConf

"Why did I focus so hard on applying self care?"

Because work takes more from you than it fulfills you. Life throws stressful surprises our way. Self care can recharge our battery a little bit, but work and life tend act up again, and we can't seem to recharge fast enough.

"I had more responsibilities than any one person could do. But I tried to do it all anyway. And I felt terrible... no matter how much self care I applied, I couldn't recover from the stress that the job was causing me."

There is a limit to how much self care you can apply.

If you need to spend time on self care to recharge, where is that time going to come from? Do you take that extra time away from your sleep? From seeing friends and family?

You might be sitting in a burning room, and it's totally possible that no one else is affected, because they're a Charmander or a fire mage [or a Targaryen!]. That doesn't make the room any less on fire. #SelfConf

Some common symptoms that the room might be on fire:

- Binging more Netflix suddenly
- Exercise habits changing suddenly
- Drinking more alcohol / using more substances suddenly
- Seeing friends less suddenly
- Vacations not relaxing anymore

#SelfConf

How can we start to help ourselves out of the burning room?

1. Try to change only what is internal and stay in the room.
2. Try to change something external and try to extinguish the flame.
3. Leave the room, because we can't change something external.

#SelfConf

Figure out what is the source of the burning -- it might be your current job, or your current boss, or even the entire tech industry. It's not always the right call to try and stay, even if you think you can fight it.

There is a difference between surviving and thriving.

What if fleeing the room is not an option? Having to support a family, or being locked into a work visa, or many other things can prevent you from leaving a room.

You can try to change internally. Don't try to change your feelings; but think about how your feelings impact you.

Sometimes flames can be extinguished by trying to change the environment. Ask:

What change is possible?
Who can authorize this change (ie. being moved off a project)?
Who can help petition for the change?

#SelfConf

“Whatever you choose, none of these are bad or wrong choices. Make the best choice you can, given the information you have at that time. Recognize that applying more self care might not help.”