Thread by @LionessNapping

a post-naxzela #sheith thread

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In the aftermath, Keith feels like he's encased in ice. He'd been prepared to face a fiery death, just to give his friends - his family - to give Shiro and the whole Coalition a chance to survive.

He talks to the team through the shock, tells them it was Lotor and not him and then limps towards the castleship in his barely functioning fighter.

He doesn't think they notice the tremor in his voice.

Matt tries to hail him five separate times. Keith rejects each call. He's not ready to face the reality of what he almost did, what he tried to do.

Seeing Matt's face, hearing his questions, would start chipping away at this ice and he's not ready.

He can't fall apart. Not yet.

Not until the team and the remaining Coalition members are safely aboard the castle.

Not until they deal with the wild card that is Lotor.

Keith eases into the hangar and takes a moment to try and steady his breath before disembarking.

It's a mistake, one that allows Matt the time to meet him just outside his ship. He looks as shaken as Keith feels at his core and the first crack in the ice is deafening.

Matt drags him into a hug, tight and bordering on uncomfortable. "What were you thinking?" He bites out. "God, fuck. Don't ever do that again."

"It was the only option," Keith starts.

Matt squeezes him harder. "It's not an option at all. You got that?"

"It is if it's saving everyone else," Keith says. "It was the only possible option to save the team and the Coalition."

Matt pulls back, hands still tight on Keith's shoulders. "There's about an 93% chance that your ship wouldn't have even made a dent," he says.

"Still a 7% chance of it working. I had to do /something/. I couldn't rely on Lotor showing up and deciding to help for some reason!"

"I know. But god, please don't EVER do that again." Matt takes a deep breath. "I don't want to break that news to Shiro."

Keith shakes his head. "He knows the risks in war the same as the rest of us," he says hollowly. "And the risk is higher now that I'm a Blade and not a Paladin."

Matt's fingers dig in. "Keith. It doesn't matter how much he knows the risks or whatever. It would /break/ him if you died. Especially like that."

Keith just bites his lip and shakes his head again. "It doesn't matter anyways," he says.

The quivering at the center of him is growing stronger. He needs to get through whatever meeting the team is planning before it shakes him apart completely.

He pulls away from Matt's grip. "You're not going to tell them, right?"

Matt sighs heavily. "I won't. But you should. They deserve to know."

"It doesn't matter," Keith repeats. "Let's go see what the plan is."

He pulls his hood up to shadow his face and exits the hangar, Matt close on his heels.

He doesn't know what he was expecting when he walked onto the bridge, but it wasn't his team in various stages of shock as they stared at Coran before turning their attention to Keith as they realized he was there.

"What?" Keith asks, dread heavy in the pit of his stomach.

No one answers him. He looks around at his team, his family.

Pidge's eyes are suspiciously shiny, her hand clasped over her mouth. Lance is pale. Hunk looks absolutely frozen and Allura's face is stuck in a rictus of horror.

Shiro looks unsteady enough to knock over with a feather and pale to boot.

"What's going on?" Keith asks again.

"Keith." Shiro's voice shakes on the single syllable. He takes a step towards Keith and then another, gaining speed until he barrels into him, knocking him back a step.

Shiro's arms engulf him and he noses Keith's hood down so he can bury his face in his hair.

He's not saying anything, just clinging to Keith.

Coran clears his throat. "I didn't realize they were not aware of what you, ahem, attempted to do." He swipes at his eyes. "I mentioned it and then..." he trails off, unusually tactful.

Keith closes his own eyes. "Oh."

"Keith," Shiro says again, close to his ear. "Keith, you-"

It feels like one more word will shatter him and Keith isn't ready. He's not sure he's ever going to be ready to face this.

"I had to," Keith tell him, pitching his voice just for Shiro.

He vaguely registers Matt stepping past them to talk to the rest of the Paladins and probably give Pidge a hug and is thankful for his distraction and the relative privacy it gives him and Shiro for a moment.

"I /thanked/ you," Shiro says. His grip on Keith tightens.

"You would've died and I /thanked/ you."

"You didn't know," Keith says.

Shiro pulls back just enough to rest his forehead against Keith's. It's probably the closest they've ever been and they're both shaking with the ghosts of borrowed grief.

"Why? Why would you-" he can't quite finish the question.

"It was the only option," Keith explains again. The ice is fracturing freely now. Keith knows he's not avoiding the comedown any longer. "It was the only chance I had to save you and the team and everyone else."

"Don't ever do that again," Shiro says, bringing his hands up to cup Keith's face. "Don't make me lose you."

A million things he could say in response flit through his head, most of them unkind.

(He's spent too many years lashing out when he's vulnerable, a defense mechanism born of necessity and as well-honed as his knife.)

He pushes them down. Says, "You know I can't promise that," instead.

Shiro still almost whimpers, closing his eyes.

"I know," he says. "But please, only as the very last resort. I... You're so important, Keith. To the team and the fight. To me. You're the most important to me. I don't..." He pulls in a labored breath. "I don't know what I'd do, Keith."

Keith hopes he never finds out. He's lost Shiro twice already and he wouldn't wish that on anyone, especially if they feel even a fraction of what Keith does for Shiro.

He still can't promise, though. "I'll do my best," he says, instead.

He'll do what it takes to save Shiro though. As many times as it takes is a promise he intends to honor, but he knows that it would weigh heavy on Shiro to hear that.

Shiro seems to accept that and pulls Keith's head into his chest, holding him tight.

"You're okay," he whispers shakily. "You're okay."

Keith doesn't know if he's trying to convince himself or Keith, but he leans into the solid warmth of Shiro and tries to pretend that it's true.

// fin ✨

thank you for tuning in to tonight's threading! feel free to imagine further desperate cuddling later, done in private, to help ease any aches this causes.

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