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Sometimes a bad day hits Shiro in the face in the middle of the afternoon. Everything's fine, there's no emergencies or fires to put out, his crew is working and chatting contentedly among themselves and yet it feels like a there's a void in his chest all of a sudden.
Nothing's wrong, or at least nothing tangible is wrong, but the good mood of the last several hours has been torn away. The roil of anxiety and cold creep of sadness take its place and Shiro has to struggle to keep his professional mask in place and not immediately seek out
somewhere quiet to curl up in.
The moment his shift is over, he transfers command over with a grimace masquerading as a smile and makes for his quarters, head down so noone will try and talk to him as he goes.
He feels like he might shatter at a well-meaning question right now.
The moment his shift is over, he transfers command over with a grimace masquerading as a smile and makes for his quarters, head down so noone will try and talk to him as he goes.
He feels like he might shatter at a well-meaning question right now.
Shiro sags against the door as soon as he's inside, eyes closed against the reality that he probably has dishes in the sink and no food in the fridge.
He just wants to stop for a bit, step out of the flow of his life until this feeling goes away, until it no longer feels like the emptiness is eating him alive and drowning him all at once.
"Shiro? Did I hear you come in?"
Shiro drags his eyes open in time to see Keith walk out of the bedroom running a towel over his hair and obviously fresh from the shower.
He dredges up a smile for him but it feels brittle at best and Keith sees right through it.
Shiro drags his eyes open in time to see Keith walk out of the bedroom running a towel over his hair and obviously fresh from the shower.
He dredges up a smile for him but it feels brittle at best and Keith sees right through it.
Keith hums quietly as he drops his towel by the doorway and comes to wrap Shiro in a hug. It's firm and warm and grounding, even as Keith's hair makes his uniform shirt damp.
"One of those days?" Keith guesses.
Shiro just nods. Speaking might send him over the edge right now.
"One of those days?" Keith guesses.
Shiro just nods. Speaking might send him over the edge right now.
Keith turns his head to press a light kiss to Shiro's shoulder before pulling back. "Okay, go change into pajamas while I figure out dinner, okay?"
Shiro wants to just collapse on the couch immediately but he knows he'll at least be comfier if he listens.
Shiro wants to just collapse on the couch immediately but he knows he'll at least be comfier if he listens.
"Okay," he manages to say. Keith squeezes his shoulder and then steps out of reach.
Shiro strips out of his uniform in the bedroom, folding it on autopilot, before pulling on the sweats and tank top he'd left on the bed this morning.
Shiro strips out of his uniform in the bedroom, folding it on autopilot, before pulling on the sweats and tank top he'd left on the bed this morning.
He eyes the bed longingly but he knows if he lays down, he won't get back up this evening, not with the emptiness clawing at him, so he lets the soft sounds of Keith putting a pan on the stove and digging in the fridge lure him back out.
Keith looks over his shoulder as Shiro shuffles back in. "Go get settled on the couch, sweetheart. I put that blanket you like out. Came back from the laundry today. Dinner will be ready in twenty. Found some pasta to make."
"Sounds good," Shiro says and the smile he manages
"Sounds good," Shiro says and the smile he manages
this time is softer, less of a shield and more genuine affection. "Thank you."
Keith just smiles and turns back to the stove.
Shiro makes the short trek to the couch and finds his favorite blanket, deep blue and softer than anything, folded over the arm.
Keith just smiles and turns back to the stove.
Shiro makes the short trek to the couch and finds his favorite blanket, deep blue and softer than anything, folded over the arm.
He folds himself into the corner of the couch, knees tucked up, and wraps himself in the blanket's warmth.
The sad-anxious-empty-bad feeling still swirls inside him but the scent of fresh detergent from the blanket and fragrant garlic from whatever magic Keith is working,
The sad-anxious-empty-bad feeling still swirls inside him but the scent of fresh detergent from the blanket and fragrant garlic from whatever magic Keith is working,
soothes it just a bit.
He knows that Keith will bring him a plate when dinner is ready and put on an episode of one of the cheesy alien romcoms that Shiro likes and sit pressed up against him as they eat.
He knows that Keith will bring him a plate when dinner is ready and put on an episode of one of the cheesy alien romcoms that Shiro likes and sit pressed up against him as they eat.
He also knows that Keith will make sure his blanket is tucked in around him and press a kiss to his forehead before taking the dishes to the kitchen and he knows Keith will hold him when they eventually go to bed.
He knows that Keith will just quietly make him feel so loved, even when Shiro feels more void than person.
He'll hold Shiro gentler on these days when Shiro feels so fragile but he never lets go, and it means Shiro always knows he'll find the other side of this feeling.
He'll hold Shiro gentler on these days when Shiro feels so fragile but he never lets go, and it means Shiro always knows he'll find the other side of this feeling.
Shiro knows this, so he clenches his hands in the soft material of his blanket and listens to Keith mumble in the kitchen and breathes until the clawing ache abates just the slightest bit and Keith is in front of him with a plate of something resembling spaghetti.
He might not be fine, exactly, right now, but he will be, and Keith will be here no matter what.
anyways thanks for coming to tonight's thread brought to you by my own emotions, I have a ko-fi if you're so inclined 💖
ko-fi.com/perfectlyrose
ko-fi.com/perfectlyrose
this is now on ao3 as well :)
