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Yaz I've been reflecting on why Uyinene's death in particular has triggered me so much and why I feel so strong about women abuse. I grew up in a house where my Uncle would beat my Aunt to a pulp in front of us atleast twice a week. From when I was like 3 till I turned 7.
I felt so guilty about how amazing my life was in Mafikeng when my cousins where literally living in hell.They'd come everytime school closed but I could tell things where becoming worse.The really messed up thing about my uncle was that he was such an awesome dude during the day
He was my Hero. My brain had somehow decided that the Violent beast he became at night (or when mad) was someone else. I couldn't understand how that was the same person. Only after his death did I start reflecting on what his violence did to my psyche and the family as a whole
I remember vividly what the sound of a fist to the nose sounds like.How his voice would vibrate through the whole house. How he would tell her he is going to kill her. How he would strangle her. My Aunt's silent cries. 30 years later it's still so clear and vivid.
Our family has never spoken about that period in our lives. It's something that happened at night and not when there were visitors. It shaped all our lives and to think that it still happens in other households is absolutely heartbreaking.
This week reminded me of a period in my life which I try forget. From Dr. T's funeral to Uyinene Mrwetyana's brutal murder the violence is almost crippling. There's really no words to describe the sadness and pain of abuse.
Some of my friends and I have been very vocal about women abuse,but this week the elephant in the room has been how badly we have handled abuse in our own circles. I feel like such a hypocrite for being loud on Twitter but not so in our WhatsApp group friendships.
I have a dude I used to consider a friend that I've known since varsity who is amongst other things,an abuser. There was one particular incident where I didn't particularly witness the abuse,but another friend saw it and for weeks we debated who was going to speak to him about it
My one friend said it wasn't my place to call him out.Especially because I didn't witness it. The one who saw it said he hates conflict (irony) hence he won't do it. Two of the dudes spoke to him separately & after that we kinda moved on with our lives. But we were never the same
I mean we still hung out with him,some more than others but it was always a topic that we'd come back to (in his absence ofcoz) with the general feeling that we didn't do enough. But we moved on. At no point did any of us even think to reach out to the girlfriend.
This week I called the now ex-girlfriend because WOW I was struggling with that guilt. I told her I'm sorry I kept quiet when I could have said something all those years ago.She really could have been killed because of our cowardly behavior.
The outing of these abusers this week has been amazing but a lot of people aren't calling out their close friends because of fear. Fear of being the "snitch". Fear of being uncool. Fuck fear. People are dying EVERY day. We can't be known as those guys. Not anymore anyway.
I obviously can't tag the dude until she is ready to go public with the story.But I'm hoping he sees this when someone sends him a screenshot of this thread and the message is clear. FUCK YOU ABUSER. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO KEEP LIVING LIKE ALL IS GOOD. NOT ON OUR WATCH. NX.
As more and more people I consider close get named and shamed..im having tough and awkward conversations but really these are the conversations that we need to be having. These are the people we need to be removing from our circles. Otherwise we're just as guilty
I've felt so helpless this week but was told that a start would be to communicate my solidarity with those close to me. That at any point they need me,I am here to protect them the best way I can. Im so sorry women have to experience life like this. 😭😢
