Thread by @EowynOakheart

Truth:

AAAAUUUGGGHHH THIS ONE WAS ALSO GREAT!! Oh my god. 😂👍🏻

Chloe's truth-spit is the best kryptopower so far by a LOT. But she was also a total bitch about it, though. Wow.

Hey Chloe? Outing a football player in 2004 Kansas might have ruined or, in a worst-case scenario, ended his life. FYI.

Clark's awkward "MOM WHERE DO YOU WANT THESE" to stop Martha blabbing at Chloe when he came wandering in holding groceries in a way no human ever has before was legitimately some of the best acting Welling has done in the series. It was GOLD. 🤣

PETE. Nice touch, spitting out one uncomfortable truth to hide another.

Also, CLARK'S FACE, OH MY GOD.

Last episode had way too much Jon. I noticed this one didn't have ANY Jon. I know which one I liked better. 😉

I don't HATE him, by the way, I just have a really hard time with him. And, well, I don't really like him all that much. But no hate here.

Lionel was still all beat up from his throwdown with Jon, YES. 😆

Aww, Lex just wants to be loved. Sweet, ruined thing. 💕

The old "my daddy doesn't love me" can be trite sometimes, but it actually worked really well here. Surprising, especially for the Luthors.

Lex's scene with Chloe pulling the truth out of him was incredible, btw.

See also: Chloe powering down on Lionel was AMAZING, oh my GOD. That scene was *intense.* 😬

I loved it!

Ah yes, Clark, do accept untested medicine from the random hobo living by an indoor fire in some warehouse somewhere. And then jam said unknown medicine from a questionable source into your close friend. Smart. 👍🏻

(I know it worked, that's not the point.)

We got a genuinely sweet Clark and Chloe friendship scene at the end of this one. We don't get many of those. Usually they're either fighting or being plucky and flippant at each other.

No episode today, sorry! Catch you guys tomorrow.

Memoria:

I've been excited for this one, and damn, it delivered.

I DIDN'T REALIZE WE WOULD ACTUALLY SEE LEX'S BREAKDOWN AT BOARDING SCHOOL.

Oh, Lex, honey.

Oh, honey.

Oh, HONEY.

See also:

Oh, Clark, honey.

"Lex. Help me."

OH, HONEY.

(Although, may I just say, Clark, you utter MORON, what the actual shit were you doing running to Lionel for help?? WHY, CLARK? WHY?!)

Somebody please get Lillian some help. Does ANYBODY in that damn castle think she seems capable of dealing with an infant right now?

Also, I KNEW it was Lillian who killed Julian. And I knew Lex would take the blame for it.

LEX, HONEY. 💕

Martha with a backbone is the best Martha.

HA, Lionel was so SHOOK in this ending scene. And Lex kept shutting him down and then just kind of growled and flounced away, YES.

Talisman:

We're in the damn caves again, SIGH.

On the plus side, two episodes later, Lionel's still got a scab from his scuffle with Jon and it's HILARIOUS. 😂

You know, Lionel's had kind of a hard week, guys. Terminal liver disease, a schoolyard fight with an irritating farmer, bruised ribs, and now this. Poor Lionel. 😆

Btw, Lionel is, like . . . surprisingly not scrawny. Not bad, for an older fella. Who knew??

"I would have thought that was obvious. I did it for you."

Goddammit, I REALLY don't want to like these two together as much as I do, HELP.

I don't know if this is true (it's from IMBD), but AW, CUTE.

He's still your best friend, Clark. He was throwing you a party. Be nice.

I knew it was coming, but this was still GREAT. Of course they both touched it so we "don't know" who the evil one is, but I loved it anyway.

You know, if we the audience didn't know that Clark becomes the greatest, kindest, most bestest hero the world has ever known, then Lex would have a damn good point here. Out of the context of the show, this isn't just tragic Luthorian dramatics - Lex isn't technically wrong.

Forsaken:

HA! Clark wandered randomly into a very cosy Lex-and-Lana scene, oh my god. PERFECT.

Never mind whether there is any romantic nuance here, LEX IS A BETTER FRIEND TO LANA THAN YOU ARE, CLARK. Sorry, dude.

Hey! Ghost-clone girl is back! I never thought we'd see her again. I thought we were just supposed to forget that Lionel was keeping her for a pet. Nicely done, show!

The actual special effect is really stupid, but I love when characters operate on the same superspeed level as Clark. That's really fun.

Oh jesus, POOR LANA.

Bye, Pete.

Okay, but seriously, though, how hard actually is it for Pete to keep Clark's secret without running down the school halls naked every day screaming "HE'S AN ALIEN, HE'S A BULLETPROOF, FAST ALIEN FROM KRYPTON"?

Like, I get that, as of late, Pete has faced actual real dire situations where he's been in danger because he won't spill on Clark, but even before those, the show acted like Clark's secret was some great and terrible burden for a regular human. Is it really?

LIONEL WENT DOWN, OH MY GOD.

Folks, I'll be adding to these reactions just intermittently for about the next week and a half. I'm only watching new episodes with my family, and I'll be away from them for a couple stretches of days coming up.

You'll see me occasionally, and soon I'll be back to the normal schedule talking about an episode or two per day. I know I'm terribly fascinating, so I'm sure my absence with be a struggle for you. 😉

See you soon!

Okay! I'm back. I actually have a backlog of episodes from the last two days, so I'm going to try to catch up.

Covenant:

Hi Adrianne Palicki! Oh my god, she's so YOUNG.

I like Adrianne, but this was the first time I ever found her character irritating in anything I've seen her in. (The writing is the problem, not her personally.)

I don't love the way the show conveys "alien." That really stilted, no-contractions, "what is the function of this teacup?" alienness is really grating to me. (My god, some of the dreck she had to say.)

Also, did she have to be naked? Come on, show.

Clark's FACE, though. 🤣

Jon, when a naked teenage girl appears at your home in the middle of the night, maybe try being nice to her instead of being automatically shitty? Just a thought.

Lex's "it would be more convincing with a string quartet" to Lionel after Lionel's sad speech about his impending death was magnificent.

Lana leaving is such a weird storyline - was Kreuk actually thinking of ditching the show? That's the only reason I can think that they would send her off across a season break like that. Otherwise it doesn't make any sense.

Clark is a monumental asshole in this episode.

NO, CLARK FOUND LEX'S CLARK-SHRINE.

This isn't the final, ultimate break between the boys, is it? Because that's really stupid. (Clark, you fucking hypocrite, OTHER PEOPLE CAN HAVE SECRETS TOO. Sure, Lex's is a bit creepy, but come on, dude.)

NO, LIONEL'S MAGNIFICENT MANE!! 😭

Okay, but seriously, why was everybody naked this episode?

Also, I see what you did there, show.

Um. Everybody died. Okay . . . ?

Crusade:

Why are Kryptonians always naked now? First not-Kara and now Clark.

My god, the Kryptonian alien schtick and cadence is really annoying.

Lex's crusade was fun. 😆

I can't tell if I like Lois or not. Some of the episode I was delighted and amused by her, and some of it I was tearing my hair out in irritation.

(Red blanket. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, SHOW.)

Me, to myself: Oh shit, no. You can't think Lionel is hot. That isn't allowed. Stop it. STOP IT NOW. GODDAMMIT.

WHY THE HELL IS EVERYBODY NAKED THIS EPISODE? What they did to Lana in the shower was shameless and kind of icky . . . but it was also annoyingly hot. Sigh.

So, what exactly does black kryptonite do? They didn't really explain.

Um. The flying effect was really bad, sorry. 😂

HI, JENSEN ACKLES!!

Oh my god, HE'S SO YOUNG. 😂😋

Gone:

Uh oh. Actually, Lois might be kind of a funny cutie-pie . . .

Oh my god, Clark's FACE. 🤣 Okay, Lois and Clark are hilarious together.

Ooh, Lana's wearing BLACK now instead of baby pink. That must make her a "bad girl." 🤣

Also, the girl friendships on this show are always surprisingly delightful, given their likely middle-aged male writer source.

WHY IS EVERYBODY NAKED?

Ah, the Luthors. I love you, you precious psychos. 💕

Dramatic things happening to Lionel while opera blasts in the background will never not be great.

Facade:

Yeah, okay, I changed my mind, I LOVE Lois. She and Clark are 5,000x better together than Clark and Lana ever were. Welling does some seriously great comedic acting opposite her, too, which is nice for a change.

(Sorry for the first crappy pic above, but it was all I could find of his delightful reaction to learning she's going to Smallville High.)

I mean, come ON with these two cuties. I LOVE IT.

God, Jensen is adorable - why is he such a better actor here than he was on the first season of #Supernatural a year later? I don't understand.

Also, he'a a year younger than Welling and that's HILARIOUS.

WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYBODY NAKED ALL THE TIME NOW???

Like, it doesn't *bother* me, I'm not a prude (although I would argue it's exploitative of the actresses), I just am genuinely baffled by the sudden change. EVERYBODY is ALWAYS naked now, and that's a shift from past seasons.

The good news is, Jon's still a dick. They're actually recycling the "Martha works for a Luthor" story now and just swapping Lex in for Lionel, and Jon was predictably dickish about it. Also, for god's sake, let your boy play football, Jon. No one's going to die.

(Although I will say that Clark's "are you going to let the assistant coach teach your boy to play football?" to Jon at the end was legitimately very sweet. 💕)

God, POOR LANA.

SMALLVILLE GIRL FRIENDSHIPS 4EVER!!!

Devoted:

Aahahahaha, this was a fun episode! 😆

I really like Jensen's character, partly because he reminds me a lot of Dean Winchester, but also because I just like the guy. This damn show is going to ruin Jason for me at some point, though, right?

Welling is genuinely great and really quite hilarious when he's being an awkward idiot with girls.

Aw, Lex even crunched up his Porsche of Devotion for you, Clark. Be his friend again, please.

CUTIES.

Clark hid behind the girls, YES, YOU MAGNIFICENT DOOFUS, YOU. 🤣

Run:

So the kid is supposed to be The Flash, right? What's his deal? What's his origin? They didn't give us very much and I don't know the comics.

Okay, but I still love when other people are fast like Clark. It's the best thing.

LOOK HOW MUCH FUN OUR BOY IS HAVING. Awww. 💕

You know, if he was ever allowed to use his powers for funsies like any other kid would, he might be a tad less tightly wound.

Transference:

AAAAHAHAHAHAHA THIS EPISODE WAS SO GREAT!!! 🤣

Oh my god, what a ride. I LOVED it.

Glover and Welling were so so SO good as each other. Oh my god. Oh my god. They must have had so much fun. 😂

Glover even got the puppy eyes right. Christ.

Um. Creepy, Lionel, CREEPY.

Also, MEAN, Lionel.

Jesus, Lana's kind of a bitch this episode. Are we ever going to do anything with her boring fucking tattoo? Why does she care so much about that? It hasn't actually done anything yet.

Is this leading to that weird French witch possession episode I've heard about?

Although Lionel can fuck right off assaulting Lana and bravo Lana for slapping him in an episode in which she was otherwise unappealing.

I missed Lois these last couple episodes, by the way. She really adds a lot to the story.

The prison riot montage with the music in the background while Glover!Clark watched in horror was glorious.

Aww, Lex knew that wasn't his boy threatening him. Be nice, Clark, or you're going to ruin him.

Also, "How'd you know it wasn't me?" "Asking for $57 million was a bit of a tipoff" was HILARIOUS. 😆

What a great episode, oh my god.

Jinx:

Ooh, fun, a monster who's an actual monster, not a kryptomonster.

What's-his-face's power was actually really cool. I can imagine taking advantage of such a power . . . *she said, not scarily at all*

Dude, Chloe, you got involved with a creepy Russian bookie, WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?!

And here's Jon, never not being an absolute dick to his son. Look how happy he is watching his boy play a sport.

YOU GOT TO BE A FOOTBALL STAR, SHITHEAD, LET CLARK HAVE HIS MOMENT. HE DOESN'T HURT PEOPLE ON PURPOSE. TRUST HIM FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE.

You know, if Clark had ever been allowed to use his powers for more than doing Jon's dirty work on the farm, he might have an even better grasp on them than he managed to gain himself. Test his limits! Let him play! Figure out strategies! HELP YOUR SON, YOU BASTARD.

Okay, but this was the best speech Clark has ever made. YES CLARK. YES.

The Boulevard of Broken Dreams locker room scene was very very very very very good. 😭💕

Fast Clark is my favorite powered Clark, I think. It's never not fun.

Whaaaaat . . . ???

OH DAMN, LEX MADE A PLAY FOR LANA. 😱

Spell:

I found the French witches, guys.

Um. I just - wow. This episode was A LOT. I have a lot of Feelings. I'm not sure how much of this I actually want to unpack . . .

Hi, Lois! I missed you!

Clark, sweetheart, you're an idiot. *facepalm*

Jason and Clark are an interesting friendship to me. (And yes, it looks a lot like Sam and Dean, which obviously appeals to me, BUT THAT'S NOT THE ONLY REASON I LIKE IT.)

Oh my god, this made me laugh. I love you, Martha Kent.

Aww, Lex, poor buddy.

Even though I expected it, the bloody-keys reveal was surprisingly effective.

I mean. I - I have a lot of conflicting ideas about the main plot of this one, folks.

The witch thing was really dumb. I'll say that right out.

And the way this episode treated the girls . . .

On the one hand, I think there is something to be said for allowing female characters to use sex as power. Cool. I'm onboard with that.

On the other hand, this was not the right way to do it. It was so overblown and so weirdly slut-shamey that I had a hard time.

I don't give a shit who's a virgin and who's not, because that literally doesn't matter. Lana isn't worth more than Lois because she's a virgin, but she also isn't more pathetic than Lois because she is. Lois isn't trashy because she's not. It DOES NOT MATTER.

(Although using Clark for the other virgin hair was legitimately hilarious, I won't even argue with that.)

Shows like this are so weird about their female characters. They must be hot enough to pull in a male audience, but they must always remain pure enough and "good" enough that they remain above reproach and never use sexuality to gain power or express too much emotion.

This episode was, like, caricature of the "evil slut" trope and it made me really uncomfortable. 😬

Oh, apparently they used the Superman theme in this episode when Clark gets his powers back?

Guess who totally missed it, AGAIN?

Bound:

Oh, honey.

Hi, Cobie Smulders!! #Marvel

Is it a problem if the "big reveal" didn't work on me because I totally recognized her when she came in to talk to the lawyer near the beginning of the episode?

This is kind of a weirdly slut-shamey story? I want to be on the girls' side, but, like, nobody made you cheat on your fiance, Cobie Smulders. That isn't Lex's fault.

As long as he's not an abusive dick about it, Lex, an adult, can sleep with women occasionally, right, show?

Clark is so horrified by the idea of casual sex, I love it. You precious farmboy, you.

Okay, but Lionel's being both really creepy and also totally sunny and different than he usually is, and it's fascinating. I love it. 😆

Clark, don't listen to Lionel, you goddamn MORON.

The show is like, "gee, who should Clark trust, Lex or Lionel?" TRUST THE MAN WHO IS YOU FRIEND INSTEAD OF THE MAN WHO HAS TRIED TO FUCK YOU UP ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS, CLARK.

Awkward Clark being awkward with girls is the best thing.

There's so much going on in this screenshot, and it's hilarious.

Also, this scene was really cool.

Jane Seymour's got weird eyes. (I like to collect celebrities who have heterochromia.)

Also, Jason, your mother is kind of creepy.

GOD, Lana's gotten boring and annoying and has turned into a bitch. I've defended her in the past to a friend of mine who hates her, but I'm not so confident in my affection for her anymore . . .

It's like she doesn't have a place in the story. Lois appeared and is 15x more interesting with Clark than Lana ever was, and now there's not really room for Lana anymore.

Show, I do not care, never have cared, and never will care about Lana's fucking witch tattoo. Please stop.

Don't give up on Lex yet, Clark.

Scare:

Hi, Samantha Ferris! #Supernatural

This was a weird one. I feel like there wasn't actually any plot? They just hopped from one character's dream sequence to another? It's a decent episode, but it's odd.

It's not a clip show, obviously, as it's all original footage, but it felt kind of clippy to me.

Lex's and Chloe's nightmares were my favorites in the group.

Clark superheating the serum was the best use of his heat thing to date.

Also, even though he was just trying to save his own ass, Lex taking the test shot was really cool of him to do. You go, Lex.

Unsafe:

Um, Clark, please don't date someone who used to stalk you.

UM, CLARK? PLEASE DON'T DATE SOMEONE WHO USED TO STALK YOU.

Somebody please report this fucking sicko creep. ALICIA IS IN HIGH SCHOOL AND IS ALSO HIS PATIENT, GROSS.

Lana, please don't sleep with a guy just because you think he thinks you're a little girl. (Bravo Jason for not being That Guy.)

I love girl friendship-time on this show, and Chloe was GREAT in this scene. But I couldn't help giggling over how this whole conversation was an obvious neon sign to the young audience not to go off and do the sex. I wonder if it was required by the network or something? 😆

Okay, but all the virgins on this episode were kind of hilarious about being virgins. (Ahem. Looking at you, Clark.)

It probably doesn't help that they all look 30. 😂

Hi, Kal. (Alicia knows about Red K WHY, exactly? She literally didn't answer Clark when he asked her that. It's as if the writers had no explanation . . . 🤔)

Ah, the Luthors. God, I love you guys.

Sigh. Clark, please don't marry someone who used to stalk you.

Um. Wow. Okay. 😅

This whole . . . frolic . . . was - well, it was a lot. And kind of cringey. Not because I'm weird about sex, but because everything about this scene was kind of icky? (Except. Well. The above bit. 😉)

Dude, she drugged you. Run. Run away.

Why was Martha acting dickish like Jon in this scene? HE WAS DRUGGED, MARTHA. You know what Red K does to your boy, why are you giving him the "sanctity of marriage" (gag) speech?

This was actually kind of sweet.

This was also kind of sweet.

Pariah:

🎵I love Smallville girl-time!🎵

Um, Mrs. Jason's Mom? Please don't hit on men 1/3 your age. It's icky.

Speaking of Jason, Jason and Lex make for interesting scene partners. Rosenbaum's so good, and I happen to think my boy Ackles is a damn fine actor - it's fun to see them play together.

WHOA WAIT

OH DAMN, CHLOE KNOWS!!!

Sandman is such an odd little krypto-monster. He's, like, barely part of the story at all and his motivation's really bizarre, but he's also driving all the action? It's weird.

Oh, honey.

(I ended up kind of liking Alicia??? What is the world coming to?!)

Oh, honey.

Oh, honey. It wasn't your fault.

Chloe was GREAT here. Well, that is to say, she was great every moment after she learned Clark's secret. Her conversation with Lois was gorgeous, her dismantling the wall was amazing, and her gentle presence with Clark in the graveyard was incredible.

YAY CHLOE.

Recruit:

Okay, so I hated the first half of the episode. It was every toxic frat boy dream brought to life in over-saturated Smallville colors and it was gross. (Everything. Not just the creepy horny sorority girls.)

BUT I really liked the second half.

Why is this guy's krypto power red instead of green? That's weird.

Lois roundhouse kicking the ass who tried to assault her was beautiful.

But may I also point out that since Lana is barely part of the real story anymore, Lois is now bearing the brunt of the writers' weird violence = sex = heroics fantasies.

(However, awwww.)

Okay, but Chloe torturing Clark all episode was GREAT, oh my god. 🤣

More of that, please. It's fantastic.

(I.e., Chloe: "What are you going to do, break in and rip open the safe?!" Clark: *gulp* "OF COURSE NOT.")

I live for Clark/Lois interactions now. The scene at the end where she bullies her way into living with the Kents (which is of course in zero ways practical or realistic) was GOLD. 😂

Krypto:

AWWWWWWWW. OUR BOY JUST WANTS A DOGGIE. LET HIM HAVE A DOGGIE.

CLARK'S FACE HERE. (I wish I had a screenshot.) 🤣

Oh my GOD, Lana, you're being so boring. This stupid witch storyline is ruining Jason, which is a shame because I liked him. Jane Seymour REALLY needs to quit hitting on Lex, *gag.*

I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE STUPID MANY-NAMED FRENCH WITCH.

Aww, look at his little towel-cape. (I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, SHOW.)

Sacred:

Wow. I think this might be my least favorite episode of the series so far. Holy shit.

It was a collection of all of the most boring plot elements available to us: the stupid little octagon, the stupid caves, and the stupid witch.

It was kind of shockingly racist - in many, many different ways - and may I point out how odd it was to fetishize Lana as a sword-wielding Chinese doll in a silk robe after four seasons of utterly whitewashing Kreuk?

Jason and Lex were completely wasted on this nothing story.

(Poor boys. 😕)

It was bad, guys. Aside from several other issues I had with it, I couldn't find a plot with a magnifying glass, so I got bored and stopped paying really close attention about halfway through.

I finished it, but I thought hard about bailing.

We're almost done with the fucking witch, right? That's gotta be a story that doesn't move beyond season 4. There's no way they can sustain it beyond that.

Oh, and in other news, my family has unequivocally declared Lois to be a blonde.

I'm not - I'm not BLIND, right? Lois Lane is not a blonde, she's a brunette, as anybody can PLAINLY see. WTF?!

Lucy:

Okay, back to the realm of normally-decent Smallville episodes. Good. I was worried after yesterday's.

AAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 😂

Lex, honey, I love you, but you are officially too old to be hitting on high school girls. (But somehow Lana doesn't count in this complaint of mine, I guess? Whatever. Please stop, Lex.)

So, they're actively ruining Jason now. Sigh.

LANA, YOU'RE BEING SO BORING. PLEASE STOP.

Hey, there was no monster on this one. Weird. (I mean. Okay. "He was a human monster!" But you know what I mean.)

So this happened.

I love you, Clark, you precious moron. 🤣

So, at the end of the episode, I said out loud to my family, "I bet we never see Lucy again" (a la Lucas Luthor) and checked IMBD to confirm, and you know what? "Absent until one random season ten episode" is pretty damn close to never again. I'm taking it. 😉

What happened to the Kents' dog?

Awwwwww. FRENS. YAY.

FRENS. YAYYYY!! Cuties.

Okay, first, awwwww. Second, Clark, honey, "don't you ever miss not having a sibling" is literally the opposite of what you mean. And third, AWWWWWWW again.

Be nice to Lex, Clark. He loves you. 😭

Onyx:

AAAHAHAHAHAHA I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS EPISODE.

Twice the Lex in one go? Twice the Rosenbaum, letting Rosey go all-out psycho with one performance?! It's like a dream come true for me. 😂

God, even ROSEY is better opposite Rosey. HOW?!

Oh my god, this was was so good. Soooo much fun. Holy shit. What a great episode.

DAMN, EVIL LEX MADE A MOVE ON LANA. I mean, I don't approve, because it was a tad assaulty, but GOD HELP ME, I LIKE THESE TWO TOGETHER. (Well. Normal Lex and Lana. You know what I mean.)

OH SHIT, EVIL LEX LEARNED EVERYTHING ABOUT CLARK AND IT WAS AMAZING.

I suspect we'll never see that play out in a "real" lasting way, but it was gorgeous to see.

Also, Lex being so happy over his ring and taunting Clark with it was hilarious and made me laugh way too hard.

(In other news, I'm REALLY sick of characters learning about Clark but then completely forgetting because of Extenuating Circumstances. Show, please stop. Either tell characters or don't. You can't do both, and it's getting old.)

Okay, we all know that even normal Lex has thought about shooting Jon's sanctimonious ass. 😆

Oh, honey.

*INCOHERENT SCREAMING* 😭

Spirit:

Okay, this one was really silly, but it was really fun, too. 😋

I know it wasn't supposed to be funny, but I couldn't help laughing when Dawn!Chloe clocked the shit out of Jon and he flopped down the stairs, and not just because I'm fairly anti-Jon. It was hilarious. 😂

Oh, Martha. 🤣

Hey, I found Shelby! They remembered the Kents have a dog! Yay!

Good lordy, there's a lot of Lifehouse in this episode. #2005

Okaaay, Jason is officially boring to me now. Sigh. It was nice while it lasted. Still love you, Ackles, but not in this anymore.

Oh my god, I love Lois.

This was actually really unfair to Chloe. It made her look really weird in front of the whole class.

Lana is always fun when she's other people. So is Clark. 😆

Lana and Clark were actually very sweet together in this one, aww.

Blank:

Oh my GOD, this one was great! 😆

Chloe won this whole episode, guys. She was amazing.

So this guy's actually got a really cool power. This might be the first one in the series that I'd actually want myself.

Lois working at the Talon is surprisingly fun. She fits in really well there.

Okay, but this is one of the WORST maps I've seen in my life and I LOVE IT. 😂

DOOR. 🤣

Clark and Lana are usually really boring, we all know this, but I want to point out what a nice contrast it was the episode Jason got aggressive and grabby with Lana to have Clark be all doe-eyed and gentle and sweet with her.

CUTIES. 💕

Oh, honey.

Chloe's great, folks.

Ageless:

This one was . . . oddly pointless? I kind of felt like there wasn't any plot and I kept waiting for things to happen?

Like, I know there was a storyline in there, but it felt so empty to me. Kind of forced and fakey.

Not your best, show.

But also, WTF, SHE EXPLODED.

Okay, show. Aww. I "aw" grudgingly, because you're trying way too hard to manufacture feels . . . but it kind of worked, I guess. Ugh. I feel dirty. 🙄

Itty-bitty baby Colin Ford! Hi, buddy!!

It's in the nature of any adopted kid to want to learn about his biological family, huh, Jon? And we should try to help him do that in any way we can? REALLY, JON?

I might think that Jane Seymour is a little annoying. Like, her, personally, not just the boring character she's playing.

OH DAMN. Look at you go, Lionel. You parent and protect your son in your own sick twisted way, you magnificent psycho. 💕

Dying Evan was actually a really beautiful effect.

Forever:

Ewwwww, this one was weeeird and creepy but I loved it. 😂

EW.

And also WHAT THE FUCK, SHOW?!?! Ewwwwww.

Never not loving speedy Clark.

The Luthor boys are great on this one, holy shit. Snarking at each other while fighting the Borings - sorry, the Teagues - throwing their matching long wirey bodies through the misty, mossy, cliffy, creeky Kansas forest trying to escape, totally protecting each other (cont.)

while still being at each other's throats . . . my god, I adore you magnificent bastards. 😆

Oops, Jason, YOU'RE DEAD NOW.

Okay, I didn't even like high school and the end of this episode made me feel all the feelings. 😭

Commencement:

Well, there's a lot to unpack here.

First off, bye bitch.

Lex, honey, you're being really sweet to a traumatized Lana, but maybe take her into the bathroom and let her use the sink instead of using your weird little Victorian ablution set??? WTF?!

But then, I suppose that would mean the mansion had more than one room, so . . .

(Also, Lana drove all the way to Lex's with her drippy bloody murder-hands? She didn't give them a quick rinse in her own damn apartment first?!

They're both so goddamn dramatic, they're perfect for each other. 😂)

"For a woman without a heart, Genevieve Teague certainly did have a lot of blood."

Oh my god, Lionel, I LOVE YOU.

Jor-El: never not a total dick.

CUTIES. 💕

So it was clearly absolutely pouring on them during the graduation scene and they're totally pretending like it isn't and it's hilarious.

OOPS, JASON, YOU'RE NOT DEAD.

"I'm having what you'd call a rough day." HA.

So, Clark is a big guy and he's just dead weight and Chloe's tiny and this would be REALLY HARD to do and so it made me laugh. Poor Chloe. 😂

Preeetttyyyy.

So, the meteor shower was actually legitimately intimidating. Good job, show.

Okay, but I had way more feelings about this than I meant to, oops.

"You mean more to me than you know." Aw, Lex. 💕

But on that note, please tell me that Lex isn't going to officially "go bad" over these stupid boring stones. That would be so disappointing. I know he has to turn, but COME ON. This?

WTF?

WTF?!?!?!

Giant Shippy!

This episode was ten minutes longer than normal, which was weird. Does the DVD version have extra scenes, or something?

So, the weird little diamond that Clark threw as far away as possible for absolutely no reason is going to, like, inflate like a rubber raft or whatever and turn into his "real" Fortress, right? And it talks to him, or something?

Oh! Also! Forgot to mention - it's a Shelby episode, yay! 🐶

Sidenote: sometimes I read through bits of this long thread for funsies or to remind me what I've seen, and, naturally, each time I find colossal typos that hurt my soul. I'm so sorry. Apologies for any and all above, and apologies in advance for those that will come in future.

Okay, I'm worried that Twitter isn't letting me add to this thread anymore (in a coherent way, anyway). I'm just going to try out a couple of test-tweets here.

Test 1

Test 2

Test 3

Trying with actual reaction tweets now . . .

Arrival:

Duuude, this episode was INTENSE.

Also, new-style opening credits! They're so cute!

Also, Shelby episode! 🐶

This. Is. AWWWWWESOME. In my head I pictured some stupid little tiny floating crystal pod (I don't know why) but this is SO MUCH BETTER. However, I couldn't help but think . . .

. . . of this. 😉

*Don't make a dick joke, don't make a dick joke, don't make a dick joke*

I mean, that's not really my style anyway, but COME ON, show.

AAAGGGHHHH CHLOE NO

Awww. This scene was great. 💕

Yay Chloe for not losing her shit upon being told her boy's an alien! Good girl.

I bet it was fun for the actors to finally get to do this.

Okay, this is less cute now that Lex is being vaguely creepy, but I still like it more than I should.

Oh btw, even though it's also really anti-climactic and kind of dumb, I would so much rather we "lose" Lex because he's finally just done with Clark's shit and his distrust than to lose him to the stupid stones. That's what's happening, right?

Ha. It's the guy from Drumline. The not-Nick-Cannon one. 😆

Sooooo, Lionel's out of commission for a while, then? 😬

This is that Phantom Zone place, right? I assume we're not done with that?

Oh my god, this effect was SO COOL. 😂

Um, so is it just not a problem that Jason got smashed into a fine pulp by Kent farm rubble? It's no big deal that there's STILL A CORPSE IN THEIR HOUSE? Because, lacking ANY other kind of plot-tying-off, that's what I have to assume.

Uh. Okay, show. Whatever. 😂

Mortal:

Daaayyyuuummm, Smallville's been on fire for a bit now. This was another great episode.

SYMMETRY. BEAUTIFUL, HEARTBREAKING SYMMETRY. AAAAUUUGGGHHHHHH. 😭

You know, if Clark and Lana would just go ahead and BE a couple, I really don't hate them together. They're tiresome when they're doing that "dance around each other saying subtexty things and looking sad" bit, but they're actually kind of sweet when they're really "a thing."

Clark grinning and chasing Lana up a farm hill in the sunshine and making her squeak was friggin' adorable, I won't even pretend otherwise.

(How I wish I could screenshot Hulu. I watch the DVDs, as I've said, but Hulu would be a great screengrab tool for this thread, sigh.)

Ah yes, good, the show carefully explained to us that Clark and Lana were both still virgins as they were making out in Clark's loft, so everything's on the up-and-up, guys. 😆

(Um. Why raise a new barn if the old one's perfectly intact? Worry about your house, Kents.)

So, these Binars (#TNG) are so much more interesting than the main villain. I wish we'd had more of them in the episode. They're funny and funky and weird and kind of awesome. 😂

Chloe continues to be great. Her scene with Lex gave me chills.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

Please don't break my boys, show. I can't stand it. 😫

OH DAMN, THEY DID THE SEX.

Ain't nobody a virgin up in here anymore. 🤣

(Return to my refrain - this was actually very sweet.)

In lieu of reactions tonight (I didn't have a chance to watch), please enjoy this shameless self-plug. 😆

I sang this earlier today for the hell of it. It's a surprisingly hard song, and I'm not that great. 🙈 But I wanted to share for funsies anyway! link.smule.com/MaG1b1aiv0

(Um. Gal in the still is not me, fyi.)

Okay, sorry, no reactions again tonight.

Look, I know I worry way more about missing a day than you guys do (no one else probably notices or cares), but just for my own mental wellbeing, head's up - I'm going to stop apologizing for or noting my missing days in the future.

It'll happen sometimes - don't worry, I'll be back. I'm not going to stop doing this. I'm having too much fun.

Hidden:

Ahh, I've missed you, show. Nice to be back, and what an intense episode to return to!!

But . . . they were at Lana's at the end of last episode? Why are they in Clark's plaidy flannel bed?

So, being "human" (read: unpowered) makes Clark really super clumsy so that he carelessly knocks everything over as he's merrily parading Lana through the house to help her "quietly" escape parental Kent eyes? Okaaayyyy?

Oops.

(Fuck you, Jon, like you never slept with anyone before you were 35 and married.)

Also, oops.

(This is so not the point, but Clark's stupid clunky old-man shoes never fail to crack me up.)

So the sequence flashing between a dying, defibrillating Clark and an activating, powered-up Lionel was AMAAAAAZING. I LOVED IT.

Also, the score was great there.

Clark and Lion-El in Fortress brought me SO MUCH JOY.

So, Clark absolutely 100% totally can't fly . . . unless they really really really need him to, like if he has to catch a missile with his bare hands? Okay. Got it. 😂

Um. Lana's, like, three feet off the ground here. I'm really tall, so I usually have negative hangups about the tall-guy-must-get-with-the-tiny-girl trope, but may I just say, OMG CUTE!!! 💕

Chloe continues to win every scene in which she real-talks Clark about his alienness. YAY CHLOE.

Aqua:

This was an odd one . . . maybe slightly boring? Like, okay, I get it, he's Aquaman. Can we move on now?

What's with "AC," by the way? Is that a reference I'm supposed to get?

And the junior lifeguard association "JLA" joke was probably supposed to refer to, what, Justice League . . . of, like, America, or something? That sounds plausible to me. I know Justice League is a thing . . . I bet there's an "America" tacked on there sometimes.

JESUS.

I mean, I want to complain about gratuitous near-nudity here, but christ, I'D sleep with her. 😂

My god, there was a lot of skin this episode. 🤣

To quote Miss Lane herself, "little close to the boob, don't you think?" 😉

Um, okay, so this guy is a complete ass. And are we not supposed to remember that he oozed out of Greater Shippy in goo form? That's bound to come back up.

Kudos on his white knight speech, though. That was way ahead of its time.

HA HA. HA HA HA. HA HA, SHOW. Very clever. 😖😆

This effect was pretty cool. Nice touch.

So, this was our first real taste of Lex being an actual literal bad guy. And he was sincerely foiled for the first time. Interesting.

It's breaking my heart, but god, he's so much FUN this new nasty way. 😫

BUT IT'S MAKING ME SAD. 😭😭😭

Lex tried so hard to affectionately play with Clark like he used to (on the pitchfork line here) and he grinned all hopefully AND CLARK WASN'T HAVING IT AND NOW I'M SAD, GUYS. 😭

Lois living with the Kents is completely absurd and in absolutely no way realistic or logical and I LOVE IT.

Thirst:

Oh my god. I just - I mean . . .

I don't have a lot to say about this one. It was pretty shitty, folks. 😂

Wow.

Sooooo many vampires.

(And sooooo many gag-inducing, winky Supermanisms in this one, too. Sometimes it's cheesily charming when they do that, but GOD they wouldn't shut up about it this time.)

Jesus christ, Lana.

Oh also, the number of people Lana has personally murdered has jumped from one to two and nobody even commented on it???

(Hi, Carrie Fisher!)

Exposed:

So, they've learned that Lois has a body, I've noticed.

Anybody else noticed?

I mean. It should have made me mad, but the episode was pretty fun, so it's hard to mind. Also, Clark's awkward, furious pearl-clutching while this slammin' hottie gave him a lapdance MADE MY NIGHT. 🤣

What's up with Black Ooze Alien's bizarro obsession with Lex? What the fuck did Lex ever do to Krypton to deserve the shit he's getting from that arrogant asshole?

(In other news, NO ONE IS EVER NICE TO LEX FOR TWO CONSECUTIVE MINUTES AND IT MAKES ME SAD. I know he's a bit more twisted and evil than he used to be, but he's still basically a good guy trying to be helpful to people he thought were his friends and they're being so SHITTY.)

Too many Supermanisms on the last one, too many Dukes of Hazardisms on this one.

Not to, like, advocate for violence in any form or anything, but I LOVE how Lois kicks the shit out of guys who assault her. Shows never let girls fight back like that.

Aw, Lois isn't inexplicably living with the Kents anymore, what the hell?!

Splinter:

This was a weird one, but I kind of liked it?

It's always a good day when we discover a new color of kryptonite.

As ever, Welling is fascinating when he's playing something a little different than regular Clark.

Poor boy was all kinds of screwed up.

Hilariously, my dad and I had an entire conversation halfway through about whether Lana was paranoid-infected too or if she was just being normal obsessive paranoid Lana. 😂

CHLOE YES.

Lionel . . . with a beard? Not sure how I feel about this.

I love how they're all making such a HUGE deal out of STATE Senate. Like, that's just not that big a thing? (Refer to the running Angela joke on The Office a million years ago.)

What exactly are they so afraid Lex will DO? Rename a road? Redistrict a school? (Or whatever?)

"Those Kents sure do pack a punch, don't they, son?" *shit-eating Lionel grin*

I found that line much funnier than I should have for some reason. 🤣

The Luthor boys obsessing over the Kents together is one of my favorite things.

Solitude:

Did the episode ever really explain what the shit happened here? What actually was this?

Shelby episode!

Also, the second episode in a short time not to have Lana at all.

So, Lois and Lex are an amusing pair of scene partners.

Not that I haven't always deeply loved Lionel anyway, but he's a LOT of fun this season so far.

Bless his sweet, stupid heart, Clark is really bad about wholeheartedly trusting complete strangers who are obviously bad guys.

And in the further adventures of "things that made me laugh way harder than they should have," I present this moment. I don't even mean in a mean-spirited, fun-making way - it was just hilarious to me for some reason. 😂

Ahem. 😉

Lexmas:

OH MY GOD, I LOVED THIS ONE.

BUT IT MADE ME SO SAD.

HELP! 😭

Okay, so, in general, a Christmas-Carol-style "this is your life" dream sequence can be a little cheesy, and holy shit, the Clarky Claus story was RIDICULOUS, but I don't even care. I fucking loved it. 😂

(Clark was a kind of a Santa and then literally saved depressed, drunk, actual Santa from sailing ass-over-teacup off a roof for lack of ambient Christmas spirit. I don't think there is any way under the sun I could have possibly seen that coming. 🤣)

Be still, my Lex-loving heart. Sighhhhhh.

This episode did absolutely nothing to dispel my frustrating-even-to-me fondness for Lex and Lana as a couple, by the way.

Christmas at the Kents', YES.

Okay, I know we have to acknowledge that Lex's fantasy is kind of astonishingly narcissistic in its details, but can't I just ignore that and coo over how heartbreakingly sweet it is, too?

SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE PLEASE BE NICE TO LEX. 😭

That poor, broken, unloved boy just wants a nice gal to love him and build a nice family with him and for Jon not to forever be shitty to him. He just wants to have a place in the community and to be happy. He just wants a friggin' Christmas tree, guys.

HE JUST WANTS CLARK TO BE HIS BUDDY AGAIN, *WAIL*.

*Whimper whimper*

*WHIMPER WHIMPER*

GodDAMN, Rosey was so good in this one. He had so much to do, so many different difficult Acting Things to pull off, and as usual, he blew everybody else out of the water. 😫

God help me, this damn episode broke my heart.

Have a haunting image and scream over it with me, please.

Fanatic:

A closer look into the truly disturbing political game of STATE SENATE. (Still laughing over that one.)

Also, it was a Shelby episode, (as was the last one, but I forgot to note it). I think I'm going to stop mentioning that, btw. It amused me at first, but now it's a chore. 🐶

Did the scummy mercenary guy have actual harmful information about Jon, or was it made up to ruin him? Because I would very much like to know what it was if it was true. (But only if it was anything besides "his kid's weird and he's weird about his kid.")

God love Lionel Luthor for magnificently and over-dramatically lighting said information on literal fire with a beatific smile.

Hey, check out Clark having the sense to worry that he'll hurt Lana in his powered-up form if they do the sex again. You go, Clark!

You still totally need to tell her you're an alien, though, bro. Consent and all.

Um. Decaf next time, babe. You're creepy as shit.

"That's like Apollo asking Icarus why he wants to build wings."

I love you, Lex.

Lockdown:

FUN.

Hey, for a change of pace, I thought Lex was great in this one. 😉

I know it's getting really boring for me to say this almost every episode, but GODDAMIT, SHOW, I DON'T WANT TO LIKE THESE TWO TOGETHER. STOP IT. 😫

Oops, Sheriff, YOU'RE DEAD NOW.

Between the dead high school kids and the dead cops, someone might want to look into what the actual hell is going down in Smallville.

This was AWESOME. Nicely done, show.

I will never not love how Clark always rescues Lex, even when they aren't friends anymore. 😭

(Well. I mean. Lana did most of it this episode, but Clark was pertinent, too.)

Reckoning:

100th episode, I can't even believe it. Wow.

Okay. There's a lot to unpack here. I'm not really sure how to arrange this, so things'll likely be out of order.

I love Groundhog Day episodes like this where someone lives the same day multiple times desperately trying to change something specific.

HE TOLD LANA, OMG.

(But then they took her knowledge away, SIGH. Please stop doing that, show.)

If Clark can make diamonds, why is his family poor?

Also, while I personally believe that gigantic whopping diamond engagement rings are tacky and I prefer smaller, more tasteful ones . . . if Clark can make diamonds at will, why'd he make such a dinky tiny one for Lana? 😂

And, while we're on the subject, GODDAMMIT, NO, CLARK, YOU NEVER PROPOSE TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND TO STOP THE FIGHT OR TO KEEP FROM "LOSING" HER, YOU MORON.

Okaaay, first-time-around drunk scary Lex was too appalling and dickish even for me to find charming or excuse, wow. That's quite an accomplishment. 😬

My family and I cracked up at the random weird shit going down at the Planet the first time through the story. Before we recognized that said shit would be markers of a repeated day later, it just seemed like they were overdoing the chaos of the newsroom and it was hilarious. 😆

This was actually legitimately horrible, wow.

*Mixed feelings, mixed feelings*

So, like, Lana probably shouldn't have run off from her boyfriend's father's victory party to comfort the loser on either day (she's kind of the catalyst for the whole problem), but on the other hand, awww?

Lex's FACE. 🤣

We got another scrappy Luthor/Kent fight, YES!

Wait, NO.

I knew this was coming. Jonathan Kent always has to die in a Superman thing, right? He's like Spiderman's Uncle Ben? (I actually even knew this was coming this episode.)

Look, I don't like Jon, you guys all know that, that isn't a surprise. But given that, let me say that even I thought this was a really legitimately sad turn of events.

Annette O'Toole KILLED IT with her weepy speech to Clark about Jon. I think she sometimes overcries, but her acting there was delicate and lovely. Bravo.

(Of course I couldn't find the specific screenshot I wanted, sigh.)

The funeral was an astonishing and gorgeous sequence, holy shit.

(Cue me wailing in the background when they showed Lex on the fringes, HELP.)

Damn fine episode, folks. Wow.

Vengeance:

Okay, the "super" is a little . . . loud . . . here, but this is still a gorgeous shot.

As is this one. 😂

Can vigilante girl just . . . jump really high?

I would like to congratulate Acuvue on one of the most egregious product placements I've ever seen attempted on tv in this episode.

The business crap that the Luthors always ramble on about at each other is actually really boring, but Luthor fights never are. The sheer fabulosity of those magnificent bastards completely outshines the fact that what they're fighting about is in truth really really dull. 😂

Chloe and Martha, SMALLVILLE GIRL FRIENDSHIPS 4EVER. What a lovely and sad conversation they had.

Clark forever saving Luthors is the best thing.

I know she's a pain, but Lana was very sweet to find the watch.

Welling actually pulled off some really impressive crying, wow. This was legitimately very sad. 😭

Tomb:

Uh, okay, this one was actually pretty hard to watch. I'm surprised, but it kind of got to me. 😬

Ewwwww people were LIVING in the Talon with the dead girl. Gross.

I about couldn't bear Chloe's screaming before they sedated her. I think that "terrified" and "extreme panic" are very hard to execute well and this was about the best I've ever seen. She was desperate and scared and begging for help without sounding at all rehearsed. Amazing.

Lionel and Martha are fascinating friends and I'm not ashamed to think so. (And I'm not even putting my shipper's voodoo on the relationship - because no thank you - I just think they're interesting.)

I assumed the shrink was the bad guy at first (because he was CREEPY), but actually, I couldn't really tell him and the orderly (who was also CREEPY) apart, anyway, so I suppose it doesn't matter. 🤷🏼‍♀️

The mechanics of this one didn't make sense to me. So, there was a creepy creepy CREEPY horrible awful serial killer . . . and there was krypto-fueled ghost possession bracelet . . . and the killer's issue was what? I didn't see how it all fit.

Obviously this needed to be a Chloe story, but if it'd been Lana instead, she'd have had the distinct honor of being a witch, a vampire, and a ghost, all in the span of a few months. 😆

I was actually quite sickened by the killer, but I must say, I distracted myself when it struck me as rather funny to imagine what it would have been like if Lois's knife had landed ass-end first and just kind of flopped off him instead when she threw it at him.

Ahhh, I love Chloe. I didn't at first, but now she's one of the best parts of the show.

Cyborg:

Smallvillians really know how to walk off a car wreck, though, don't they? It's amazing.

Lex, please don't. You're better than that, honey.

Hey Clark? RUDE. I know Lex is kind of bad now and you're probably right about your accusations, but you still can't just barge into somebody's house and rage in their face.

Ugh, Lionel and Martha are fascinating. 😫

Ah good, we returned to Lionel doing dramatic things backed by dramatic opera. That's a favorite thing of mine.

WAIT. Is he still Lion-El here?! Has he been Lion-El all this time?! WHY DOES HE KNOW CLARK'S NAME?!

(Also, aww.)

Hypnotic:

Why is the "bad girl" always named Simone?

Also, you can totally tell she's a bad girl because she's wearing a TIGHT, SHORT, LOWCUT, RED dress. 🙄😋

Oh my god, Clark can be so stupid sometimes. Bless his sweet stupid little heart. 💕

Okay, but, "Lana, I can't have sex with you because it's going to rain and I HAVE TO PUT UP TARPS" is one of the best (worst) Clark excuses I've ever heard. 🤣

The Sullivan Sisters, or the Lane Ladies, or whatever we would call them, working a case together is a beautiful thing.

OH SHIT, Lex paid Simone to break up Lana and Clark. Wow.

I know Lana's a pain, but it was actually really hard to watch Clark break her heart. Both times. In one episode. (Jesus, Clark.)

JESUS, MARTHA.

God love Chloe for being the one and only person smart enough to keep some kryptonite on hand. It renders Clark useless, you see, which is helpful as he's IMPOSSIBLE TO OVERCOME OTHERWISE AND FREQUENTLY LOSES HIS SHIT FOR ONE REASON OR ANOTHER AND MUST BE SUBDUED.

Um. Lex's body count rises to at least two, and Chloe's to one? And no one even noticed?

What do the Smallville police actually DO?

Void:

This was a weird one, but it was a really interesting idea. I can totally imagine getting hooked on seeing departed loved ones.

Also, is there anything kryptonite CAN'T do?

Jesus, Lana.

Chloe really gets shit done. She's SO MUCH BETTER than she was in the earlier seasons.

Lillian's a little scary, guys. Is she supposed to be?

Screw you, show, for making me all soft and gooey about a bad bad bad man.

But goddammit, Lionel's so excited even though Martha totally friendzoned him and it's adorable. Also, his bowtie is crooked, AWW.

(Martha's kind of a hottie, beeteedubs.)

I miss Lois. Are we ever going to have another Lois story, or is Lana forever going to suck all the narrative time and space for herself?

I still don't hate Lana, I never did, but my god is she getting hard to take.

Sigh. Okay, show. Feels. Damn you.

Fragile:

Okay, glass-shattering is a really stupid and useless krypto-power (can you imagine how disappointed you'd be to get stuck with that one?) but it's visually STUNNING. I love it!

(Ugh, I don't like this screenshot, but it's the only one I could find with glass in it.)

The kid's a pretty decent actor. I usually have a poor opinion of child actors, but Maddy was good.

Also, goddammit, show, fine, I'LL JUST HAVE ALL THE BIG-BROTHER CLARK FEELS, THANK YOU.

I love Lois, I really do, but christ, they wrote her weird in this one. She was dumb and clunky and tone-deaf and kind of obnoxious. Do better next time, please, show.

Me: I miss Lois. I want more of her in the story.
Show: 😈
Me: NO NOT LIKE THAT.

*WAIL*

Mercy:

OHHH MYYYY GODDDD, what an episode!!!

I love this plot. I love it every time it appears in something I watch. (#Lucifer and #Sherlock immediately come to mind, although I know I've seen it elsewhere too.)

What can I say? I love watching a villain make a character dance.

GAH.

This was one of the more spectacular car wrecks we've seen, and that's saying a lot for Smallville.

Fly, Lionel, you magnificent bastard. Fly!

*You're not allowed to think Lionel's hot, you're not allowed to think Lionel's hot, you're not allowed to think Lionel's hot*

Watch him dance, though. GOD, I love this kind of story.

(Um. I'm not a sicko supervillain, I promise!)

"Short of a serious blow to the head, I think it's a memory that's gonna linger for a while."

HA.

Oh, Lex, honey, there's something you should know . . .

Okay, but this little sleuthing crew is a lot of fun.

(No, I didn't scream over Lex asking to be friends with Clark again, why do you ask?)

I HAVE COMPLICATED FEELS ABOUT LIONEL AND MARTHA, HELP.

I seriously, legitimately have no interest in them as a romantic couple, but I'M SO INVESTED IN THEM AS A BIZARRO ODD-COUPLE BROMANCE. UGH. 😫

*Applauds*

Top-notch villaining here, you psycho sicko.

Also I love this mask and I kind of want it.

(Ahem. Again. *I* am not a puppet-master villain, I swear.)

*SHRIIIIEEEEEK* 😭

Lionel's FACE here. 😆

HELP, I HAVE ALL THE FEELS ABOUT LIONEL KNOWING CLARK'S SECRET, TOO. AAAUUUGGGHHHH.

This episode was kind of overwhelming for me, guys, holy shit.

WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!

Fade:

Biggest takeaway: maybe DON'T have a loud, public, and EXTREMELY detailed conversation about your one and only weakness when there's an invisible guy running around, Clark.

Also, just take the expensive TV next time, ya big dummy. 😆

Okay, but Lois wandering into the Kent house, plunking down in front of all the expensive toys, and going absolutely to town on them was GLORIOUS. I missed you, Lois. 🤣

Immediately following Martha's last line in the image below, without missing a single beat, my dad popped off with, "And he was blonde and dumb!"

I wasn't expecting that AT ALL and laughed my ass off for about three straight minutes.

They really didn't have to spend much on wardrobe for Lois this episode, did they? You know, since she was barely wearing any.

OOPS.

🤣🤣🤣

Also, OOPS.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 😬

But awwwww.

Oops, Lex is dying again.

1. For some reason, I'm weirdly fascinated with the left-handedness of actors (and characters).

2. I'm SORRY, but AWWWWW. He's trying, guys. 😫

This is actually an amazing still. LOOK AT CLARK GO.

(Aw. Lex, honey. "A" for effort.)

Clark's. Fucking. FACE.

OH MY GOD.

Also, this was really cute. Be nice to Chloe, Clark. Always.

Oh! Oh! I forgot one. Lex's personal body count is at, what, five now?

Oracle:

"I am The Oracle."

Yes you are, Lionel, you magnificent psycho, you beautifully overdramatic man. Yes you are.

Why the friggin' shit is Clark's birthday cake red and blue?

Show, I get that those are "his colors," but NO ACTUAL REAL HUMAN PERSON WOULD EVER DO THIS. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

God help me, I love you, show. 🤣

So, I know that the "kids" were barely ever actually in school when they were "in high school," but Christ, they aren't even pretending that they're "in college" anymore these days, are they?

Aw, Lionel has a Clark-shrine too, just like his son. Adorable. 😆

It's really deeply funny to me every time Fine whips out his finger-sword.

I can't even begin to describe how much I'm loving Lionel being in on The Secret. I didn't expect him to be one of the people who learned it and watching him and Clark negotiate this fact is FASCINATING.

Awww, Lana's a bike and Lois is a Harley. I see what you did there, show. Cute. 💕

(I'm also now picturing Lana with little pink streamers hanging off her ears and a bell on her shoulder while Lois is all decked out in leather and chrome, so thank you, show. 😂)

Vessel:

As usual, Rosey's by far the best actor on the show. His "oh god, my head" sequence at the beginning was one of the better ones I've ever seen. Usually that looks really stupid, but he pulled it off with grace.

Also, Lex getting sucked into the ship was way funnier than it should have been. I know it was supposed to be all dramatic, but it was so sudden that it made me laugh instead. (Affectionately. Not meanly.)

Jesus, Lex.

FASCINATING, I tell you.

Um. Why did a car come flying into the Planet? Is this part of the building underground?

No, you know what, it doesn't matter if it's underground or not. WHY DID A CAR COME FLYING INTO THE PLANET?!

Goddammit, show, NO. Please don't. WHY?!

Like, I get that Chloe's always loved Clark, but I thought we were past this. They're such surprisingly wonderfully-written friends and she's so supportive and protective of him and his secret - this cheapens their relationship.

I mean, I'm not at all opposed to the idea of Chloe and Clark if that was a deliberate direction the show wanted to take. They're sweet together. But that has NOT been the point of them for so long that this felt shoddy and out of character. No thank you, show.

What the fuck, Metropolis? The power goes out for two minutes and you all take to the street like animals? Pull yourselves together.

My little town is prone to outages during any kind of inclement weather, and I can attest that we have never once behaved like this.

God, check out the range on this boy. Sighhhh. 💕

He's so good, guys, I can't stand it. 😫

Tee hee. I still love this effect. 😋

Zod:

I can't believe I'm halfway through this series!

Phantom Zone effects continue to be awesome.

Um. Like. Zero disrespect at all to regions where this is actual traditional garb, but OH MY GOD, CLARK LOOKS RIDICULOUS. 🤣

Lionel, you were spawned in Suicide Slums. C'mon, now. Stand up for yourself.

Hi, Jimmy Olson.

So, I've seen a couple episodes beyond this one, and may I say that Jimmy . . . isn't my favorite? Does he get better?

He's sweet and all, but he's a little too wound up and jittery and wary for my taste.

Hi, boys. Play nice, please.

I have more feelings about watching Superman kneel than I should.

(And I'm trying really hard not to comment on my willingness to kneel for Lex . . . jesus, this crush isn't healthy. I'm sorry. 😫)

What a nifty little trinket.

Martha stuck it to Jor-El, MARTHA YES. YOU GO, MARTHA.

Aww. Cuties. 💕

Sneeze:

Hey! We got a new superpower on this one!

I love how Chloe just randomly pulled this one out of thin air. "Blow, then." YES, CHLOE.

BWAHAHAHA!

Lois: "Eh oh, does Clarky have the sniffles?"

Clark: *bitchy look*

OH MY GOD. 🤣🤣🤣

Clark, honey, this is kind of pitiful. 😆

Jesus, Clark. 😂

We don't see nearly enough of jokey-teenage-boy Clark, by the way.

Hi, Oliver.

I'm a #ThisIsUs person, so this is weeeird.

Oh, honey. Poor Lex. Seriously. 💕

Shouldn't Clark have sucked the oxygen out of the room instead of blowing on the fire really hard? Because of, you know, the rules of fire?

Still, though. Pretty dramatic, show. Well done.

He BLEW the CLOUDS out of the SKY. Christ, this is a ridiculous superpower, and I LOVE IT. 😋

Wither:

I feel like it's been a while since we had a good ol' fashioned monster story. Plant Girl was a little silly for my taste, but I liked other things that happened in the episode.

Okay, so obviously, I'm in for Lois and Clark all the way - I'm in for the long haul. But I also know it'll be a while before we get anything, and Lois and Ollie are . . . amusing me so far.

Also, the CAPTION on this pic from the Smallville Wiki, HAHAHAHAHA.

Is he just . . . never gonna wear a shirt? Is that his job?

I'm not sure what to make of Oliver so far, guys. There's a distinctly whiney, bratty rich-boy vibe that I don't like, but he's also pulled off some pretty good funnies? I don't know. We'll see.

(Apparently that's my Justin Hartley curse. Sometimes I just can't friggin' stand his #ThisIsUs character, and other times he's pretty great. FRUSTRATING.)

And here we have Chloe GETTING SHIT DONE as per usual. Chloe, you're a treasure.

Y'know, Clark, you don't actually have to lose every fight you're ever in.

And here we have Chloe getting MORE shit done, because she's awesome that way.

(When she figured out the electricity thing I said out loud that she should tase it AND SHE DID, YES.)

I say this as someone who wrote her senior thesis on Robin Hood:

HE'S LITERALLY DRESSED AS FUCKING ROBIN HOOD, OH MY GOD. BWAHAHAHA. 🤣

Um. Lex/Lana haters, look away now. You've been warned.

Okay, I know that Lana is an enormous epic pain in the ass, but . . .

1. She looks kind of amazing as Cleopatra, wow. She's gorgeous here.

And

2. *WAIL*

Come on. This is kind of amazing.

And OF COURSE Lex was Alexander the Great. I should have known, but I was surprised and delighted.

*WAAIIILLLLL*

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but this was hot, folks. I'll hear no other arguments at this time.

(Also, shirtless Lex in a warrior skirt kinda works for me, on the topic of social media oversharing . . .)

Oh hey! I forgot to add this morning when I was doing these:

Clark killed Plant Girl. To my memory, that brings his body count to at least 3, which means he has now tied Lana. Congrats, Clark. 👍🏻

Arrow:

Ooh, this one was pretty fun. I might like Ollie after all. We shall see.

He's VERY different from Clark. I didn't expect that. I assumed he'd be the same kind of upstanding boy scout-type.

HA, Ollie was worried Lois would be uncivilized at the party and SHE WAS, I love it. 🤣

Lois, you CANNOT be this stupid. Sweetie, he's your boyfriend in sunglasses, COME ON.

Oh my god, these two are fun together.

OH MY GOD.

Poor Clark. 😂

It's kind of sweet that Clark kept Ollie's secret.

Reunion:

HURT. I AM VERY HURT.

This one was good, but the flashback made me REALLY uncomfortable and sad.

Hey, Ollie was a little shit when he was young.

Lex. No.

(Hi, Lucas Grabeel.)

LEX. NO.

I hate this. I hate this and it hurt and it was icky and I don't like it.

LEX, WE DON'T BEAT OUR FRIENDS NEARLY TO DEATH, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

On the one hand, I almost feel like that was bad writing for Lex. Part of the point of Lex is that he is creepily and obsessively devoted to the few people he ever calls friends, so he would NEVER do something like this.

On the other hand, he IS a little psycho . . . 🤷🏼‍♀️

Hey, someone else got the head injury this time instead of Lex. Wow.

Fallout:

I don't have a lot to say about this one? It kind of bored me.

This moment was awesome, though.

Jimmy is still an obnoxious little ass, but I would credit the episode for his interaction with Lex. You were in waaay over your head, son.

"If you ever try something like this again, you'll be leaving through the window, regardless of who you're dating." LEX YES. 🤣

I love this random green flowery viney Kent field that has heretofore never existed and sprung into reality this episode. It's pretty.

Rage:

Ooh, I liked this one!!

Goddammit, Lois, IT'S YOUR BOYFRIEND IN A ROBIN HOOD ONESIE AND FUCKING SUNGLASSES. YOU SHOULDN'T BE THIS UNFORGIVABLY STUPID.

(Yes, I recognize the Lois-Lane-boyfriend-in-glasses irony. I see what you're doing, show.)

This is just detrimental to her character. Come on.

(See also: it was sweet of Clark to keep Ollie's secret, like I said earlier, but now it's making Chloe look bad. It's making her look dumb not to make the connection, and dammit, Clark, SHE CAN KEEP A SECRET AND YOU KNOW IT.)

Smallville girl friendships 4ever.

I know where this is going, btw, and I hate it. 😕

AAAUUGGGHHH I LOVED THIS SCENE.

So, I'm totally counting Lex on Ollie's kill list. He was legitimately dead, right?

It pleased me beyond all reason that Lionel was at the Kent Thanksgiving because a) he absolutely didn't belong there, so it was really awkward and hilarious and b) he really wanted to be there, so it was adorable. 😋

Everybody at this table knows Clark's secret except Lois and that's amazing. 😆

This was a nice scene, btw.

Static:

HEE HEE, I love plots that behave like this one. What a fun episode!

Excellent effect on Lex here, too, btw.

I always love when somebody on set is supposed to be invisible and inaudible for some reason and the other actors have to ignore him/her. I bet it's a fun thing to play.

Um, if you ripped somebody's skeleton out, the bloody pile left behind would still be pretty heavy. You wouldn't just dump it in a grocery bag, lift it one-handed, and weigh it in a produce scale, but whatever, show. 😆

Aw, look at Clarky going out into the wide world, though!

HEY, it's Dave Bautista!

I saw "Batista" (misspelled, as I remember it, incidentally) on the guest stars, but I thought this was way before his acting days, so I didn't give it a second thought. HA. Fun. 😆

Good lordy, it took a long time for them to reveal what 33.1 was about. I remember asking about that a looong time ago. (I want to say season 3, but that's just a guess off the top of my head.)

*whispers* It was kind of sweet watching Lana try to communicate with Lex.

*whispers* This was ridiculously waaay too extravagant, but it was preeettyyyy. 💕

By the way, my dad hates Lana and he bitches about her over almost all of her scenes and dialogue, so . . . that's a thing. I get that she's annoying - she bugs me too - but I don't hate her, and also, shut up, man. I'm trying to watch. 🙄😂

Lex is at six kills now? (This was kinda self-defense, though.)

Wait, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS?!?!?!

It's awwwwesome!!! 😱

Subterranean:

This was a weird one. I appreciate their attempt to tackle an immigration story, but I'm not sure they were entirely up to the challenge.

Exposing the entombed laborer bodies was eerie and really effective, though.

I really wish we'd gotten to see some of the underground action with the moleman farmer. I mean, I'm sure there wasn't the budget for it, and better this than show us something really stupid, but they set this premise up without ever really delivering.

Oops, bye, Clark. 😆

Hey Martha, WTF? The Martha Kent I know would've moved heaven and earth for a lost motherless kid, and would've had a plate of pie in front of him in seconds to boot. All of a sudden because she's a STATE SENATOR, now she's an anti-immigrant asshole? Really? Wow.

(I know her take was a bit more nuanced than good ol' "go back to your country," but I'm just sayin'.)

DAMN, SON. 😱

CLARK YES.

So, Jimmy actually did the whole "scream really slow English at someone you assume doesn't speak it to make them understand you" thing.

God, he's annoying.

OH! OH! I forgot to mention sometime in the last couple episodes . . .

THE MANSION OFFICIALLY HAS A SECOND ROOM. FINALLY!!! IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE. (Yes, I've declared it to be the holiday season, what of it?)

Lana's room TOTALLY counts and it's AMAZING. 🤣

Oh god help me, they gave Lex a slow-motion villain-walk scene.

Holy. Fucking. Fuck.

Hydro:

Hahaha, Tori Spelling is like Rita Skeeter, but . . . better? Worse? I can't decide if melting powers are superior or inferior to bug-shifting powers. 🤔😋

Aw, sweetie.

Clark, you're too hard on Chloe.

OH MY GOD, THIS HAPPENED. AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Jesus, everything about this little switcheroo was great. 😆

AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 🤣

Justice:

You guys. Oh my god. This episode gave me serious Avengers-assembling feels, and while I realize that's blasphemous in this fandom, it's really important to me.

HOLY SHIT.

I also feel like this one was a lot *funnier* than Smallville episodes usually are?

BOY SCOUT.

Thank you for this, Lex. 😂

Seriously, though, major kudos to Cyborg for quietly wisecracking at every possible moment. Who knew he was funny? Not this girl.

Typical, Clark. Jesus.

Oh my god, I love that Chloe's part of all the super-stuff now.

WATCHTOWERRRRRRRR.

(That's, like, her name, right? They're not just naming her location in the tower?)

WAIT. OLLIE NO. DON'T LEAVE. 😫

What the hell?! I checked IMDB and was horrified to learn that we don't get Ollie back for a season and a half. I was under the impression he was a pretty steadily reoccurring character for the rest of the series.

I FEEL LIED TO, SHOW.

WHY?! 😭

Labyrinth:

This was a weeeird one, deeply unsettling and sort of eerie and I think I loved it. 😬

Not gonna lie, Fake Lana actually fixed up the fake loft really really cute. I kind of want it. 😆

The use of sound and music in this episode might be some of the most spectacular and effective I've ever seen. (Well. Heard.)

That single, sustained low cello note that lasted the entire delusion? It took me a minute to notice, but then I couldn't get it out of my head. It chilled me.

The creepy sound effect we eventually learned was Shelby barking but was at first just spooky? Brilliant.

Wow, show.

FEELS. 😭

Like, a surprising amount of feels. I knew it wasn't real and it still got to me. God, Rosey's good. Let us never forget that he's a national treasure.

This was a really impressive showing from Welling, too, by the way. It's possible he actually has range.

But that being said, jesus, Clark. 😂

Aw, honey.

HEY, IT'S RED-EYES GUY.

I want them to all be friends again, *sniffle*.

This whole scene was pretty sweet. Lana wasn't awful, and Clark's story about his "dream" was actually really nice. Lex was even semi-onboard.

I miss them. "Them," them, I mean. Before it all fell apart. 😢

Crimson:

Ohhh no, oh no, oh no no no, this one was good, but oh my god it was cringey too. 😖

Clarky, NO.

NO, CLARKY.

Oh god, the humanity. 😫

AAAUUUGGGHHH, CLARKY, NOOOOOO.

Actually, that's exactly what you're doing, Clark.

Okay, to be fair, though, this was kind of an amazing shade of lipstick. 😂

Me: I love Lois and Clark, I can't wait for them to get their heads out of their asses and finally get together.

Show: 😈

Me: WAIT NOT LIKE THAT

Hey Jimmy? This "Chloe MUST be in love with Clark and I'M SO JEALOUS" thing is boring.

I know, I know, Lana kissed back, whatever, but before that happened, may I point out that Lana is TINY and Clark is huge, and she tried to get away and couldn't, and it was horrible and rapey and I didn't like it at all? 😬

Clark's FACE. 😆

God bless Martha Kent for having the sense to keep (and use) a hunk of kryptonite to control her son.

Martha: "I know this might be hard to hear, but it's probably best if you just leave Lana alone."

MARTHA YES.

Aaaahahahaha, cuties. ☺️💕

Tease-y, Lois-baiting Clark is my favorite Clark. May I also applaud his facial expressions in this sequence?

Trespass:

Duuude, this one was CREEEEEEPY. 😖

So, the writers remembered how much they got off on putting Lana in mortal danger, huh? Well, there ya go.

Jimmy's an annoying little shitter, but this is by far the best thing he's ever said.

Of COURSE it was the other security guy. I totally called it early on.

Jesus, Lana.

Five minutes into taking refuge in someone's house and Little Miss No-Secrets-All-Honesty is rifling through Clark's things. Sigh. This is why no one likes you, honey.

I had a surprising amount of feels at seeing her stupid little necklace again, though, gotta say.

The mansion has so many more ROOMS now, I LOVE IT!! 😆

There's Lana's room and various antechambers and hallways and now we've been on the roof!! (I tried to find a roof pic but couldn't.) YAY!!

By my measure, Lana's now killed four people. Damn, girl. 😂

Freak:

Heh heh. Heh. COOL. I really dug the meteor-freak vision Blind Boy had. 😋

It reminds me of Geordi La Forge's VISOR-vision that I rambled on about long ago in this thread.

Approve. 👍🏻

Smallville girl friendships 4ever. 💕

Jesus, Jimmy, she's not a goddamn lost dog. 🙄

Writers? Just . . . take a cold shower next time, okay? Stop taking your fetishes out on your female characters, please and thank you.

Clark BURNED a tracker out of Chloe's FLESH.

God, Chloe's such a stud. All the applause.

Note my above complaint, but even so, this scene was really intense and fascinating. Love me some Chloe/Clark trust and friendship.

Awww, Clarky. 💕

So they retconned Chloe into a meteor freak. Okay. Interesting.

Not going to lie, I was frustrated they didn't immediately tell us what her thing was so I dug around. Her power sounds really stupid on paper (sidekick, much?) but I'm trying to reserve judgment.

Um. Somebody wanna put a murder watch on Lana? Girl's gotten a little trigger-happy. Jesus, Lana.

Promise:

Ohhhkay, it took me a while to realize this was one of those "we're gonna replay the same sequence from different POVs" kind of episodes, so I was really frustrated for the first half because it didn't make any sense.

I caught on eventually, though. 😆

Why was Clark's Dream!Lana wearing hooker-red lipstick? It's such a weird contrast to the actual Bride!Lana later. (Lana looked really beautiful at the wedding, by the way, regardless of all of the other sick shit going down.)

LANA SAW AND HEARD EVERYTHING ABOUT CLARK, AAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! FINALLY!!!

Jesus fuck, it's Nell Potter. 😱

That was an astonishing blast from the past, show. Wow.

*cranks the Neil Young* Hey hey, my my. Lionel knows that Clark can die.

THE MAGNIFICENT BASTARD IS BACK AND HE SWINGS IMMEDIATELY INTO BLACKMAILY SPLENDOR. YAY!!

On the one hand, aw, no more cheery, helpful Uncle Lionel. On the other hand, god, I've missed you, you freak. 😆

The sheer amount of purple at this wedding is hilarious, btw. It makes it so obvious that it's a Lex event, not a Lana thing.

Um, so Lex totally murdered a guy on his wedding day, whoops. 😬

And in other "I couldn't find a screenshot for this" news, HOLY SHIT, LIONEL FRIGGIN' BACKHANDED LEX FOR NO REASON, WTF?!?! 😱

Combat:

This was a weird one. It was fun enough, but it felt like an episode from a completely different show.

I will say, however, that Maddox's ringmaster coat was sublime.

HI LOIS, I'VE MISSED YOU!!! 😭

Also, holy SHIT. RED CATSUIT. 😅

And furthermore, even though I know it was done for impure male-gaze reasons, I can't believe this show had the guts in 2007 to let Lois fucking FLIRT her way past the ring girl. Amazing. You go, show. LOIS YES.

LOIS YES. LOOK AT YOU BEING AN ACE REPORTER.

LOIS YESSSSSS.

"A" for effort, there, Lois. Lois yes, even though it totally didn't work. 😂

Dude, Clarky's on a warpath this episode, what the hell?

Did we all see his cocky little SMILE at the Kryptonian guy before he friggin' MURDERED him??

WHO ARE YOU, CLARKY???

Look, I know she's not really pregnant and Lex is just playing sick games with her (sigh), but a) I wish this show didn't rely so heavily on miscarriage to wound its women, and b) this was legitimately very sad. Poor Lana. And if I didn't know about The Thing, poor Lex.

Seriously, though. What a display of acting. Rosey's acting is showing Lex's acting in this situation while also being completely believable as an authentic Lex reaction. Wow.

National treasure, I tell you.

Progeny:

Hi, Lynda Carter. I knew she was a guest star at some point, but I could never remember if she was Lois's mom or Chloe's.

Aw.

Hello, EXTREMELY BLATANT PRODUCT PLACEMENT. I see you. I noticed. Calm down. 😂

Um, Doctor Dickhead? Your job is actually to treat and care for the scared teenage girl in your hospital bed, not finger-wag and shame her because you assumed she faked her pregnancy to trap a billionaire, you FUCKING ASSHOLE.

Mrs. Chloe's Mom has actually got a really cool krypto power.

Chloe's such a fucking badass, I love her. 💕

Clark took his sweet time knocking Lex out of the way of the smoke bomb; he almost didn't make it. 😆

Nemesis:

AAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHH, okay, bear with me here. I have ALL THE FEELS about this one and I can only use one gif at a time. Indulge me, please.

MY BOYS. 😭💕

Okay, well, not untrue.

CLARK, YOU HURT PEOPLE BY KEEPING YOUR SECRET. DO YOU NOT GET THAT??

Clark, you know the answer to that.

Oh honey.

OH HONEY. 😭

*WAIL*

*WAAAAIIILLLLL*

(Ignore the typo in this one and scream with me about it instead, please.)

Say no, Clark. Please dear god say no.

*wail*

Aw, buddy. 😢

I just -

I mean -

IT HURTS MEEEEEE.

Why, boys? Why?

WORK OUT YOUR SHIT AND BE FRIENDS AGAIN, DAMMIT.

On a side note, Lana played both Luthors absolutely beautifully in this episode. I was really impressed. Well done, Lana.

Noir:

Okay, so, while this one was, admittedly, beautiful to look at and all the winky references were amusing, noirs aren't not really my thing. I'm not going to lie, I kind of only half paid attention to this episode, so I didn't really understand what was going on.

It sure was pretty, though.

Oh also. Sometime a while ago I expressed surprise over seeing Lionel with facial hair and then redacted said surprise, noting that he'd had it all season. (I think it was 5.)

I guess I'm just a moron who had a brain blank, because he's always has a beard? And I just forgot?

Anyway, that's not really important, but I feel really, REALLY stupid about it. 😆

Prototype:

Why, hello again, Tahmoh Penikett. Are we not supposed to remember that you were already a guest star on this series?

Oopsie, show. 😋

Hee hee. His forcefield is pretty awesome.

Ah yes, so he's the type of character who we've never once heard mentioned, but who has a DEEP AND PROFOUND CONNECTION to one of the main characters. I see. 😆

Phantom:

Sooo, there's a lot to unpack from this episode. (Six seasons down, btw!)

Demon!Grandpa and demon!baby gave me all the #Supernatural feels, first of all, so that was fun.

Aw, bye, Martha. I liked you. This is sad. 😕

She keeps randomly getting seats of power handed to her - maybe the presidency is next?! "Ah, just throw it to Martha Kent. She'll know what to do." 😉😋

WHAT THE FUCK, LEX HIT LANA.

HOW DARE HE?!

Dude, I love you, so I give you way too much leeway as a villain character, but you can fuck right straight off a cliff on this one, asshole.

Um, yeah, so, Lana's totally not dead. She hopped in the convenient mail truck that was passing by and got away.

The only thing I can't figure out is if Lionel's in on it and helped her, and he's lying to Clark, or if she fooled him too.

Jesus, Clark.

No, see, Lois, we never pull out the object stemming bloodflow after we've been stabbed. We leave it in so we don't immediately bleed out and die. Did The General never teach you that??

"Fascinating creatures, phoenixes. They can carry immensely heavy loads, their tears have healing powers, and they make highly faithful pets." -Albus Dumbledore

Dude, Chloe's totally a phoenix.

Uhhhh . . . ?

Okay, so her healing thing saps her own life-force, or something?

Come back, little phoenix. Come back.

I love how Phantom!Clark (this is going to be Bizarro, right?) materialized different clothes for himself when he built his body. Or whatever the shit happened there.

I know we the audience needed to be able to tell them apart, so I get it, but it's still hilarious to me. 😂

Um, WHAT???

😱😱😱

Ohhhhhh, guys, I'm going to LOVE this effect, you have no idea. There will be squealing. Be ready.

Bizarro:

You were warned.

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

This effect is SO COOL.

Oh hey HEY hey, look who's got second billing this season!! Well done, Rosey. 👍🏻

Speaking of Rosey, I LOVE how Lex always knows when something Clark-shaped isn't Clark.

Preeeeetttyyyyyy.

She sure took her sweet time saving Lex, though.

At least now he's have another secret-keeping Kent to get hung up on after they ripped his car open and saved his life. Poor boy. 😆

Lois is also a total fucking badass, just like Chloe, and I love it.

I also love how they call each other "Lo" and "Chlo," btw. I keep forgetting to mention that.

I AGREE WITH CHLOE.

Wtf, Clark? Get on it.

So, they love to rip Chloe's clothes off for a scene, just like they do for any female character on the show, but I've noticed they're especially fond of putting Chloe in medical situations to do so. That's their special kink for her.

AAAHAHAHAHAHA. Okay, it wasn't actually funny, because unwanted advances and all . . . but it kind of was.

Chloe's FACE when Lois was bitching at Clark about it later!!! 🤣

So, if Clark was going to reveal his powers to yet more complete strangers anyway, wouldn't it have been a lot easier to pick the people up and run than to create an entire boiling river and hope it burns off?

Wtf is all of this "the yellow sun" talk all of a sudden, show? Where I'm from, we just call that "the sun."

Did he . . . explode? What happened?

Kara:

Do we like Kara Zor-El? I haven't decided yet.

It was hilarious when Clark grabbed her feet to keep her from flying, I will say that.

She can fly (GET ON IT, CLARK), but she can't control any of her other powers? Why?

Is she only going to wear tube tops? Sigh.

Um, this guy's an ass.

Lex, honey, that's a very nice drawing and you clearly have artistic talent, but it doesn't actually look one little bit like her, buddy. Sorry. 😆

Well, that's not good . . .

WHAAAAT?!

Okay, I guessed the mail truck right, but who could've seen the replica coming?

Is it because someone pointed out over the hiatus that NO ONE ACTUALLY CHECKED FOR LANA'S BODY and there was a MASSIVE PLOT HOLE? Because I'm betting so.

WHAT IS WITH THIS "YELLOW SUN" NONSENSE, YOU KRYPTONIAN WEIRDOS?!

Fierce:

Awwww, look, it's the corn festival in the creamed corn capital of the world. CUTE. 💕

This episode was sort of cheesy, but it was also really "Smallville-y" in a way that felt like the earlier seasons, which was sweet.

You know, once in a great while, these two can be really sweet together. 💕

They played this scene really weird. She's your COUSIN, Clark, and Lana knows everything about everything anyway, so you don't have to care if Kara's naked or not. Unclutch the pearls, dude.

Ease off her, Clark, you're sounding scarily like your father. You should know better than to put those kinds of restrictions and pressure on her. Let her figure herself out.

She just wants to be happy, bro. Look how excited she was to win the stupid little corn pageant.

I see what you did there, show.

So, Kara's going to do the red and blue thing, too? That's . . . normal. 😂

Cure:

Because we all know that when a shady doctor offers you a miracle fix for your powers, you take it. It's not a bad idea at all. 🙄😂

Also, isn't Dean Cain an asshole in real life, too? I feel like that's something I've heard before.

So he's just . . . immortal? Sans explanation?

Is this a character I'm supposed to recognize and I didn't get the reference, or something?

Oops, Lex got hit in the head again. Poor buddy. No wonder he's a little psycho.

Um, Jimmy? You have a girlfriend, dude.

Aww, my boys, working together again. 💕

I know Lex is officially a Bad Guy now, but can we please notice that he's horrified by Dean Cain's murder habit and he's trying to make it stop?

Good boy, Lex. Good effort. 👍🏻

Hey look, Chloe's naked for "medical" reasons again.

Jesus, show.

Um, Jimmy, you have a girlfriend, WHY ARE YOU ON A GODDAMN DATE WITH KARA?

WTF ARE YOU UPSET FOR, BRO? YOU WERE ON A FUCKING DATE. Can you blame Chloe for not wanting to immediately dump her life-altering worries on you after she caught you ON A DATE WITH SOMEONE ELSE?!?!

Screw you, Jimmy Olson.

So, Lana's doing something oddly cryptic and shady, even for her . . .

(Nice music in this montage, btw.)

Oh also. Red eyes guy is really boring now. He was great back when he was a mysterious glowy-eyed silhouette, but now he's just a whiney obstruction who bigshots around Clark spouting Jonathan-esque platitudes.

Does he get better?

Action:

Ohhhhh, this one was GREAT!!! I'm an absolute sucker for meta elements in genre tv, so of course I loved the one where they're filming a superhero movie on the Kent farm. 😂

This sequence was SO GREAT.

Creeeeepy, show.

Also, the sequence where Lionel fucking RIPPED his literal FLESH out of the bear-trap-thing? OH GOD.

JESUS, LIONEL.

You've got to love Lex watching from the sidelines: *unenthusiastically* No. Stop. Don't. 😆

Hey, so the annoying Daily Planet guy - he works for Lex or something, doesn't he? He was squirrely with Lois about her looking into Luthor business, and he wouldn't be getting this much airtime if he wasn't part of a larger story.

Calling it now.

I can't decide who's in more over their head here. It could really be either one. Lionel's, well, Lionel, but Lana's also kind of a remorseless psycho now, so . . . 🤷🏼‍♀️

Lara:

Clark's mother wandered around the Kent farm for funsies, I LOVE IT.

Hi, Chris Heyerdahl! You're kind of a dick in this too, just like in #Supernatural. You're a bit typecast, aren't you? 😋

1. Lionel and Clark . . . hugged?! What the hell? That was weeeird.

2. My god, I will never not love you, Lionel. "Which father?" 🤣

I can't find any of the quotes I want, but may I point out that Lex's speeches are even more glorious than usual in this episode (and the next one)? I know this is not a new statement from me, but Rosey's acting is ASTONISHING right now. It's subtle and complex and beautiful.

LIONEL TOLD LEX TO STOP OBSESSING OVER CLARK BY OBSESSING ABOUT CLARK'S PEOPLE, OH MY GOD.

I know it's just a front, but Lana's kryptofreak clinic is actually acreally good idea.

Unfortunate name, though. 😬

I LOVE that Lara and Kara left Clark a photo to find. That's really sweet.

Wrath:

Aaaahahahaha, this one was great. 😆

I totally didn't see a powered-up Lana story coming. What a nice surprise.

Her catching the windmill was kind of weirdly moving, not going to lie. And watching her play with Clark's powers was so so great.

I know Lana's a pain, but I think a lot of her issues come down to the writers clinging to Clark's secret for too long. I know there's narrative power in keeping most characters from knowing a huge secret about a main character, but at some point, that power wears out.

There's also narrative power in letting other characters in on the secret. Then whole new narrative possibilities open up and the story can branch in many new interesting directions, with more characters involved, instead of dead-ending the story for the sake of the secret.

Smallville, much as I love it, is a show with many different narrative issues, and a lot of them have to do with spending SO MUCH time and effort and plot space keeping Clark's secret. Characters suffered, both literally in the story, and at the hands of the story itself.

Lana, as annoying as she can be, has improved a remarkable amount as a character since she learned Clark's secret. It's amazing. Even as she's spiraling out (more on that in a second), her story is more complex and interesting now that she's been given a little breathing room.

I think Chloe was also massively improved as a character after she learned Clark's secret, and, although he was always great in his own way, Lionel has improved to a certain extent, too.

I get why keeping a major secret from nearly everyone is an important story, but that story has an expiration date, and I think the Smallville team ran way over it in some cases.

Anyway. Just something I've been thinking about recently.

BWAHAHAHA, super-sex rocks the whole town and Chloe totally caught them.

Clark: *appalled face* You guys talk about this?!?!

OH MY GOD. 🤣

I'm kind of digging Supervillain!Lana, guys. At least it's something new and different for her, instead of just wandering around looking mildly concerned.

"It's hard to face what you've created, isn't it?"

LEX. 😭

*SHRIEK*

Rosenbaum's been soooooo good lately. 😭 He's extra magnetic and astonishing in his conversations right now for some reason.

I'm telling you, there's something wrong with this guy.

CHLOE YES.

Blue:

Oh heyyyyy, we got a new color of kryptonite on this one! Fun!

This is QUITE a coat, dude.

I'm kind of loving Clarky's Protective Uncle Lionel, I have to say. It feels a little out of character, but it's also fabulous, so who am I to complain?

Lois, listen to Chloe and please don't date your boss. That's not okay, sweetie, and it will destroy your career.

It's hilarious to me that unplugging and replugging the crystals into the Fortress actually does anything.

AAAHAHAHA, Clark got to use green kryptonite, that's great. 😆

HOLY FUCKING FUCK, HE'S JULIAN.

WHAT?!?!

Gemini:

Okay, you can't really tell in this picture, but they put little holographic reindeer around the Planet globe and it was the CUTEST THING EVER. 💕

You know, just yesterday I was thinking how it had been an age since we'd seen Lex fencing. Nicely done, show. Lovely callback. 👍🏻

I love blackmail-by-phone stories. They're so frustrating and intense.

Speaking of intense, holy shit with this whole sequence. Damn. 😬

Ah, okay, Julian's a clone. I figured it was something *like* that - I totally didn't buy Lex's secret-abandonment story - I just wasn't sure what kind of mad science we were looking at.

OH DAMN.

Okay, I thought Clark was acting weird. I see.

Wtf, Jor-El? Remove enormous stick from ass, then parent. 🙄

Persona:

So, this one seemed like a really good episode, but I could only about half watch it because someone was texting me incessantly the whole time, UGH.

But anyway . . .

Oh shit, Lana couldn't tell the difference between Clark and Bizarro. 😆

OOPS, LANA.

Also, this was a really nice shot.

Chloe totally caught on, though, because Chloe is the best thing.

Lana's coat is gorgeous, btw.

I don't love Brainiac, never have, but he was pretty fun on this one. 😋

I love how we've moved from "Kal-El is the last son, the one and only surviving Kryptonian, the sole remaining heir of a dead and lost world" to "there's friggin' Kryptonians everywhere, man, I don't know what to tell you." 🤣

Did we know Brainiac could do a brain drain?

YES, LANA. Good girl.

Also, this was visually amazing.

Aw. Lionel and Julian went on a father-son date night. Cute.

Until. Welp. That sucks, Lionel. Sorry.

The final montage flipping between lonely Lex coming down off of killing Julian and Clark and Lana being distant was pretty lovely.

Siren:

I so very VERY much did not expect this episode at all. In any way.

Ollie!!! Yay!!

Well, hello, Alaina Huffman. #Supernatural

Also, omg, I LOVE HER?!?!

I LOVE HER, YOU GUYS.

WHY DIDN'T ANYBODY TELL ME ABOUT HER?!

OH MY GOD. SHE IS THE BEST THING.

AAAHAHAHAHA, Clarky's super ears are super sensitive, poor buddy. 😆

Lois finally knows about Ollie, YAY!!

Their competitive snarking is still magnificent.

THIS FIGHT. THIS FIGHT RIGHT HERE. HOLY SHIT.

I ship it, oops. 😬

Aw, honey.

I love when Clark is a Good Friend to his girls. He's an utter moron about them sometimes, but sometimes he gets it really right.

OLLIE ADOPTED BLACK CANARY, YESSSSSSSSS!!

Fracture:

*WAIL* 😭

I feel like "nobody asked you to be here, Lois" is a definitive characteristic of her personality and I love it.

Also, Lex is left-handed, wtf is he holding (and shooting) his gun in his right hand for all through this scene?

LEX NO

OH GOD

Oh god, there's a brain machine.

Also, this part where they lowered the boys in synch was weirdly gorgeous.

Oops, Clarky. You're not welcome.

Although, can we really blame Lex here? I know this is supposed to be the Most Evil version (and god, Rosey was deranged for some of these scenes and it was glorious), but he didn't actually consent to someone wandering around his mind. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Oh god no, oh it hurts, oh no no no, it hurts me, MAKE IT STOP. 😫

If only there was some way that Clark could block out what Lex was showing him when Lex was being pervy about Lana. If only there was some bodily structure that, I don't know, covered the visual organs or something. How amazing that would be.

Jesus, Clark. 🙄

Oh no no no no no, it's so sad. Poor little Lex.

Did we know that Lillian was a bitch? I know we knew Lionel was abusive, and that Lillian was "off," but didn't we always think she angelically adored Lex?

I feel like this was a "big reveal" of her abuse on top of Lionel's.

HELP. 😭😭😭

CHLOE YES.

I love how Lionel was all like, "um, she DIED?!?!" and Clark helpfully told him to take his dead friend back to her apartment because, no worries, she'd get better. 😂

Oh honey.

OH HONEY. 😭

I know it's really twisted, but I love how Lex collects everything in Clark's orbit. It's cute, in a psychotic villain way.

Hero:

Hi Pete.

Guess what?

You're STILL a pointless boring character.

I don't have a ton of thoughts about this one because I accidentally slept through part of it, whoops. Also, Pete is useless, so who cares?

Why, Pete?

This was one hell of a product placement, show. God.

Are we not supposed to notice that there are thousands and thousands of sticks of kryptogum being distributed around the county? That feels important.

Will all chewers get stretchy? Because gum? Or was that just a Pete thing?

*It's not cute, you can't ship it, stop.*

Brief rant:

So, the Smallville fandom wiki I always borrow images from has started acting weird and no longer lets me look at the screencaps linked to from each episode's page.

I hunted down a Smallville screencap site and the images I found there are MUCH better (and available in much greater variety and quantity) than what I've been using.

Now I'm annoyed I didn't think to look for a screencap site at the beginning of this project. Ugh. 😖

Every time I complained about the lack of an image I wanted is coming back to haunt me now. I could have had so much more control over the pictures I selected and could have found exactly what I wanted, SIGH.

Anyway. Back to regularly-scheduled programming.

Oh, I totally forgot to mention the OneRepublic cameo in the last episode! I love when random bands show up in episodes of CW shows and then get way too much screentime to justify their fee or whatever. It's so freaking funny.

Still here! Still moving forward with this project. I just haven't had a chance to watch new episodes in a bit. Stand by! I haven't forgotten about this. 😋

I had watched one more episode I never posted reactions to and now I'll have a hard time when I get to it, whoops!! 😆