Thread by @theAspergianCom

An inclusive Halloween story:

My child gets very excited and overwhelmed when in large groups. She loves Halloween and costumes, and she loves rescue vehicles (as long as the sirens aren't on). A large car dealership in our area had a "Trunk or Treat." It was huge.

The line extended forever. We would've never made it in the front door. We wouldn't have lasted three minutes in the line before she would've taken off running through the path of least resistance. The close proximity to others would've been too hard for her.

I didn't know what to do, but she was so excited to trunk or treat. I found one of the first responders, a firefighter, who was volunteering and told him that my daughter was autistic and loves events like this, but they become quickly overwhelming and we wouldn't be there long.

And that she wasn't really interested so much in having a large bucket of candy or doing all the stations, but we just wanted her to have the experience of trick or treating a few "trunks" or looking at the fire trucks. I didn't want anyone to ask why we were "skipping."

Or to have to discuss why with people. The firefighter listened to me, asked me a few questions, then brought us around the side of the building closer to the back of the line and past all the activities. He found someone in the line he knew, took him to the side,

and whispered to him. The man looked at us, looked at my daughter, smiled, and shook his head. Then, he nodded his head and brought us in to the line. I just thanked him with a smile, and he said, "Happy to help." Then, he told my daughter how much he loved her costume.

We went to a few cars, and she would have to take breaks and step outside the line after a few seconds. One time someone accidentally bumped her and she got a little upset. We stepped out of the line and she quickly calmed down.

She's not going to have a good time if she can't get what she needs, which is space and the assurance that it's okay to back away and take breaks. She doesn't devolve into meltdowns anymore (usually) because she knows she has that option. She knows when she wants to leave, we do.

Here are things the firefighter did right:
1. Asked questions to understand better
2. Listened thoughtfully to the answers
3. Found someone he personally knew who would be cool
4. Spoke to him privately about it
5. Respected my daughter's needs

6. Came back by to give me "thumbs up" as if to ask if we needed anything
7. Pointed to the refill table (where the megastash of candy was off to the side to refill the trunks when they were low) for my daughter to have a place to trick-or-treat that wasn't too crowded

And because of this, no kids were harmed, my daughter got to skip things that were fun for others but would've been too much for her, and she got to enjoy the experience in a different but still-valid way. We had a great time, but that depended on accommodations.

You don't need to be an expert on what it means to be autistic or what autistic kids need in order to be accommodating. You just need to ask questions, listen, and make space. It hurt no one, cost nothing extra, and was a win for everyone.

@threadreaderapp unroll and appy halloween! [sic]