Thread by @jessnevins

Now, once upon a time--as all the best true stories begin--back in the early days of the Old West, there was a blonde by the name of Sally. Sally, well, her husbands had an unfortunate way of disappearing. You might call her a multiple murderer, but that's a nasty label. 1/

Her first husband, nobody knows the name of. We have a marriage date (1826, when Sally was only 13) but nothing else. She said he "went off to fight the Indians." Ayup.

Her second husband, Jesse Robinson, married her in 1838, but quickly decided to divorce her. 2/

It seems that Sally had a "sulphurous" way of speech, and Robinson filed for a divorce on the grounds of her being a "termagant and a common scold." But, wouldn't you know it, somebody shot him in the back of the head before the divorce was final.

That was husband #2. 3/

Five years later, in 1843 (third husband by age 30) she married a horse trader named George and went to a ranch near Goliad, Texas. Sally got along fine with George for a while, and for a few years she "engaged in her husband's business with a surprising amount of gusto." 4/

She even became famous, after a fashion, in southern Texas.

"Each comely hip sported a cap-'n'-ball five-shooter, a rifle hung in her saddle scabbard, and she could flick flies from the ears of her charges with a dextrous flip of her bullwhip."

But it wasn't meant to be. 5/

In '48 or '49 George disappeared, most likely "perforated most prone," as they called it.

Sally kept the ranch and the horse trade, and in 1852 (fourth husband at age 39) she married John Doyle, who joined her in horse trading. She seems to have been happy enough w/him. But. 6/

Sally's head was turned, in '55 or '56, by the then-famous Mexican outlaw Juan Cortina, and they had a brief, passionate affair. When it was good, he dubbed her "Juana Mestena," "Mustang Jane." When it went bad, he got the hell out of there before she added him to her list.
7/

Sally eventually got bored with John Doyle, and in 1861, right before the War of Southern Evil began, Doyle was found drowned in a barrel of whiskey.

No, really and truly. A barrel of whiskey. Waste of good liquor, most likely.

Sally went north to St. Louis. 8/

In 1864 she took up with a former Confederate, a card-sharp known only as "Watkins." They moved to Corpus Christi. (Texas again). But...according to her, he "roused her from slumber too quickly," and purely out of reflex she shot him in the face. As will happen. 9/

In 1867 (still only 54!) she married one William Harsdoff, and they rode off to Mexico & out of the pages of history.

Now, men are gullible when they aren't stupid, and shapely blond-haired women can make men do stupid things. But there was a warning sign everyone ignored. 10/

You see, Sally's maiden name was Skull. (Sometimes written as "Scull" or "Skulle."

Sally Skull.

No, I'm not making this up. Sally Skull. Anyone who marries Sally Skull in the Old West can fairly be said to get what's coming to them.

11/

I -could- have told you about Lola Montez and the "honor-saving knife" she kept in one garter, and used on more than one occasion--and of course about how her pet bear saved her life--but the story of Sally Skull was too good to pass up.

History >>>>>>>>>> Fiction

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