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Ran out to a Buffalo Wild Wings to watch a basketball game.

They’re blasting amazingly bad 90s club music somehow cranked up to a manic tempo and volume.

I feel like I am on a cruise ship to hell.
This is what I’m dealing with right now.

Sweet baby Jesus, why?
Relocated to another place. Despite being sports bar-like, they seem quite flummoxed by my inquiry about whether they had access to an NBA game.

Out I went.
Relocated to a third place.

They do indeed have the game... which they are broadcasting, inexplicably, with an accompanying soundtrack of early Madonna.

It’s at a reasonable volume. Fine, some tasteful Madge never killed anyone.
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More from @HoarseWisperer see all

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The Hoarse Whisperer
@HoarseWisperer
One of the fundamental dynamics of the Democratic primaries is that we are searching for something that doesn’t really exist: a candidate who only excites without any baggage, positions or issues we don’t like.

That caps Biden’s and Bernie’s support. We know them already.

1/
And that creates a recurrent cycle among the challengers.

Someone separates from the pack, draws interest and attention, plateaus and then falls back.

Kamala. Then Warren.

Now Mayor Pete is ascending and separating.

2/
During the momentum phase, there is the sensation the candidate can rise forever.

But then they go from challenger to leader, the dynamics change, they lose momentum... and that loss of momentum in and of itself breaks the spell in a way.

3/
Read 9 tweets
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The Hoarse Whisperer
@HoarseWisperer
I celebrated an anniversary this week.

The 12th year since my son came home from the hospital after nearly not surviving his first 24 hours.

His “Coming Home Day” from the NICU is my happiest anniversary.

It is a day that chokes me up every single year - even 12 yrs later.

1/
I remember the entirety of the morning in the crispest of HD.

The temperature. The sky. The slow drive home careful to not bounce around my 5 pound 12 ounce peanut in his seat.

2/
My son has two tiny scars on the side of his chest.

They are nearly invisible now. One is two tiny holes like needle marks.

One is a tiny line where they ran a tube through his tiny ribs to aspirate air in his chest from a lung that had torn and collapsed.

3/
Read 6 tweets
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The Hoarse Whisperer
@HoarseWisperer
Why do dunbasses feel it so necessary to make clear that they’re dumbasses?
Note: ‘dunbasses’ is the accepted regional spelling of ‘dumbasses’ in the Scottish Highlands where I spent much of my youth.

You can take the boy out of the Cairngorms but you can’t take the Cairngorms out of the boy.
Additional note: the prior note was largely made up.
Read 3 tweets

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Jæmin gets pushed onto the wall of a toilet cubicle, wincing from the pain and disgust of leaning on the wall.

"You can't keep pulling me out of class like this, Lee." Jæmin wraps his arms around the broad shoulders of the boy in front of him
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Somehow I'm awake and ready to live tweet this upcoming circus. Let's do this...
#MuellerHearing
Mueller about to be sworn in. He's shaky and old. Dottering is the word choice I'd use to describe Mr. Mueller's presence as he waits to be sworn in.
Judiciary Committee is up first, which means loads of Mr. Nadler and his gut.
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Abi Jones
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6yo: (matter-of-factly) MOM, YOU KNOW WHAT I CALL SHORTS THAT ARE JEANS BUT NOT PANTS?

Me: nooo…what?

6yo: JORTS.

BECAUSE J-J-J-JEANS, BUT THEY ARE SHORTS

Me: (nonchalantly while tears start leaking from my eyes middle of Costco) …oh yeah, I can see how that works
6yo: WHERE DO THE DORKS LIVE?

Me: 🧐 that's not a nice name to call people

6yo: NO, THE BIRDS. DORKS.

Me: oh. Storks. The birds are called storks.
6yo: YOU KNOW THE BEST WAY TO DIE?

Me: uh…

6yo: OLD AGE.

Me: ah

6yo: IT'S BETTER THAN WALKING THE PLANK, OR SMOKING, OR MURDERED
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