What is a man? What makes a man? What is masculinity?
Thread...
Thread...
These q's are what separate us from animals. What is freedom, liberty, society... These are at the heart of what it means to be a human being. Their answers, however, can't be pinned down by mere reason and observation. For us, Revelation guides us thru the gray areas.
When I compared most common/cultural views on masculinity with the Quran, Sunna, and examples of the Sahaba, I found quite a wide gap. Keep in mind, there is a big difference between "what makes a man" and "what's the kind of man that I personally like or am attracted to."
Most culturally concocted schemes of what a man should be actually leave most men in a disadvantage about which they can do absolutely nothing. Here are some:
1 A man is measured by his earning power (false)
A man in Shari'a must provide but in our theology of sustenance, all he possesses is the effort. Beyond that, rizq is from Allah. Many wealthy men inherited in one fell swoop more money than a hard working father and son combined
A man in Shari'a must provide but in our theology of sustenance, all he possesses is the effort. Beyond that, rizq is from Allah. Many wealthy men inherited in one fell swoop more money than a hard working father and son combined
2 Size.
This is related to a) attractiveness and b) the ability to protect. The former is subjective, but the latter is a duty; the onus of protection of the family is upon the man in Islam. However, size in itself is completely a matter of rizq.
This is related to a) attractiveness and b) the ability to protect. The former is subjective, but the latter is a duty; the onus of protection of the family is upon the man in Islam. However, size in itself is completely a matter of rizq.
3 Being an alpha male.
Leading. Always being right. Going for the kill. Constant competition. Everything viewed from the lens of authority. The natural alpha male needs to control these impulses and channel them through the right intention and look at the example of Sayyidna Umar
Leading. Always being right. Going for the kill. Constant competition. Everything viewed from the lens of authority. The natural alpha male needs to control these impulses and channel them through the right intention and look at the example of Sayyidna Umar
cont 3... . However...if alpha guys look down at B-personalities or the follower types, they need to be put in check. What would you call Prophet Harun?? Prophets Musa and Harun are a classic A and B personality pairing.
cont 3... Nobody is superior by being alpha or beta. That's from Allah. Superiority is by taqwa alone.
4 Being a warrior
I'm personally impressed by the Marines. But there are quite a few non-fighting men in the Sira. Sayyidna Uthman never fought in a battle even when the rabble rebelled against him. Being naturally not suited for conflict doesn't make one less of a man.
I'm personally impressed by the Marines. But there are quite a few non-fighting men in the Sira. Sayyidna Uthman never fought in a battle even when the rabble rebelled against him. Being naturally not suited for conflict doesn't make one less of a man.
5 Fathering a lineage of boys.
This was big in the old world when you needed farm hands and soldiers to protect the tribe. But again, it is out of one's control and can never be a standard of "what is a man." Plus the Prophet ﷺ fathered only girls and no boys who had a lineage.
This was big in the old world when you needed farm hands and soldiers to protect the tribe. But again, it is out of one's control and can never be a standard of "what is a man." Plus the Prophet ﷺ fathered only girls and no boys who had a lineage.
6 Having a temper and exploding is often seen as a guy thing.
There's nothing that says that in our deen. Yes, Umar was quick to anger, but over the years in the sira you see him controlling it more and more, then putting his anger to great use as Khalifa.
There's nothing that says that in our deen. Yes, Umar was quick to anger, but over the years in the sira you see him controlling it more and more, then putting his anger to great use as Khalifa.
7 Delicate introspection.
Not a fan of poetry myself, but that doesn't mean that reflective, even delicate, people are not men. Some ppl are created with a melancholy nature. If they are providing and protecting, then what's the problem?
Not a fan of poetry myself, but that doesn't mean that reflective, even delicate, people are not men. Some ppl are created with a melancholy nature. If they are providing and protecting, then what's the problem?
cont 7... Companion Hassan bin Thabit was a poet about whom the Prophet ﷺ said, "He is aided by the Holy Spirit (al-Ruh al-Qudus)," which is the Angel Jibril. And many desert Arabs did not relate to Sayyidna Uthman because he was a soft spoken man raised in luxury.
8 Not being aware (or caring) about how your actions affect others.
We laugh at these types of guys but if anything, this will just ruin your relationships. Nobody is losing out here more than the person himself. It's the effort of being considerate that matters.
We laugh at these types of guys but if anything, this will just ruin your relationships. Nobody is losing out here more than the person himself. It's the effort of being considerate that matters.
9 Attracting beautiful women.
I've written and dltd so much on this. All I can say is, a "hasana in the dunya" is really nice, but in the end, it's the dunya, and all beauty is fleeting anyway. If you don't learn to see beyond the physical, you're just never going to be happy.
I've written and dltd so much on this. All I can say is, a "hasana in the dunya" is really nice, but in the end, it's the dunya, and all beauty is fleeting anyway. If you don't learn to see beyond the physical, you're just never going to be happy.
10 Being rough with kids.
Being a provider is a lot more than food, roof, and security. Emotions are part of the equation. And there are plenty of stories of people who spend decades recovering from dads who failed to provide certain emotional needs.
Being a provider is a lot more than food, roof, and security. Emotions are part of the equation. And there are plenty of stories of people who spend decades recovering from dads who failed to provide certain emotional needs.
Ok so these things DO NOT make a man. So what does??
Four simple things:
Four simple things:
A) 1 Qawama Part I
Being a provider. But again, a wife, kids, and elderly parents are not animals or machines. They need more than material sustenance. Money is the base, but emotions, morals, companionship, and religious guidance are also part of what a Muslim man must provide.
Being a provider. But again, a wife, kids, and elderly parents are not animals or machines. They need more than material sustenance. Money is the base, but emotions, morals, companionship, and religious guidance are also part of what a Muslim man must provide.
B) Qawama Part II
Being a protector. The Prophet ﷺ told Sayyidna Ali, never sell your swords or your shield.
Being a protector. The Prophet ﷺ told Sayyidna Ali, never sell your swords or your shield.
C) Being true to Allah.
"Rijal (men) who were true to their oath with Allah." Study a manual of fiqh and live by the book. This is what we'd call moral leadership. Allah honors those who obeys Him. It's that simple.
"Rijal (men) who were true to their oath with Allah." Study a manual of fiqh and live by the book. This is what we'd call moral leadership. Allah honors those who obeys Him. It's that simple.
D) Not dressing or appearing with what is culturally associated with women.
The Prophet ﷺ made it very clear that men and women should be distinct in their dress and appearance. This will differ from culture to culture.
END.
The Prophet ﷺ made it very clear that men and women should be distinct in their dress and appearance. This will differ from culture to culture.
END.
