Thread by @WindyCityWxMan

#ChicagoScanner version:

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the hood
The streets were too quiet, which oft’ isn’t good.
The POD cams were aimed at known hot spots with care,
Looking for crimes that would soon happen there.

The bosses were slumped at the wheels of their cars,
From too many drinks at some local bars.
My partner in Kevlar and me in my blues,
Fired up the squad for our grim nightly cruise.
When over the radio our dispatcher said,
Suspicious man on a roof, all dressed up in red.

We went to the scene to look for this dude
He better not ruin my good Christmas mood.
The house it was dark, the roof sure looked bare,
No guy dressed in red was moving up there.
When what in the beam of my spotlight did show,
The dude’s in the house, broke in like a pro.

An old guy in red moving fast as a shot,
We need a perimeter, more cars on the Spot.
The old guy he saw us, he waved and he winked,
Then he dashed to the chimney, disappeared when he blinked.
Back on the roof we saw him outside
Put his hand in the air to call for his ride

Not Uber, not Lyft, no hot car to go,
But eight flashing drones, a red Jeep hitched in tow.
More cars arrived, we had him contained,
He saw us and said he can’t be detained.
So he hopped in the Jeep and called out instead
On Mavic, on Phantom, you drones pull ahead!

As his ride rose up and the drones they flew,
We ran to our squads all set to pursue.
He was just out ahead and gaining some speed,
Me and my partner were out in the lead.
It’s a holiday night so no PH1,
This guy had the edge, those drones sure could run.

He was cruising the rooftops in total command,
But Sarge on the air said chases are banned.
Stop that pursuit, just let it go!
He’s leaving our district, let the other Zones know!
We heard later on from across the whole town
This scene was repeated, but he wasn’t taken down

Reports were all made, no Jeep to impound,
E.T.s were requested but no crime scenes were found.
On further inspection nothing was taken,
Homeowners were shocked, some even shaken.
But each home was better than when he broke in,
Presents piled all over, left ALL with a grin;

An All Call was sent each hour without fail
But no one would snitch to give clues to his trail;
The POD cams were pulled by all OH-TWO SAMs,
And POs all downloaded their own body cams.
And file after file showed no man red,
No Jeep pulled by drones, was this all in my head?

My alarm started ringing, I came slowly awake,
A dream of a Christmas, was this a mistake?
But in my frunchroom I found my own pile
The old man in red’s been real all this while!

Merry Christmas to those holding watch this wonderful night and to the whole #ChicagoScanner gang