Thread by @garius

HAMMOND: Goldeneye?
CLARKE: Sounds good. Licence to Kill? Odd Job ban?
HAMMOND: Of course.

<ding dong>

HAMMOND: That'll be Lidington. You set it up, I'll get the door. David! You better have got those snacks and...

<click>

JAVID: Hello.
HAMMOND: ....ah shit.

HAMMOND: What do you want?
JAVID: The Saj had to get away
CLARKE <other room>: Is that David?
HAMMOND: It's Javid
CLARKE: What does that twat want?
HAMMOND: I just asked him that
JAVID: The Saj
CLARKE: Is he still calling himself The Saj?
HAMMOND: Yup
CLARKE: Tell him he's a twat

HAMMOND: What DO you want?
JAVID: The Saj had nowhere else to go
CLARKE: Remind him that he's a twat
JAVID: They've forced me out!
CLARKE: Like a really big one
JAVID: Does he know the Saj can hear him?
HAMMOND <shouts>: He can hear you Ken
CLARKE: Oh Good. You're a twat, Javid!

JAVID: The Saj couldn't take it. Boris has Cummings everwhere
HAMMOND: That was an image I didn't need
JAVID: The Saj told himself: Enough is enough
HAMMOND: You finally grew a spine?
JAVID: The Saj did
HAMMOND: I'm happy for you
JAVID: Can he come in?
HAMMOND: Yeah... no

<slam>

CLARKE: Not letting him in?
HAMMOND: God no. You don't get to fuck up the country then ask for a hug afterwards because you feel bad.
CLARKE: Fair.

<click>

LIDINGTON: Hello chaps! I...
HAMMOND/CLARKE: SHUT THE DOOR BEFORE...
JAVID: The Saj is grateful
HAMMOND: ...Javid gets in

HAMMOND: Sod off Javid. We don't want you here
JAVID: But The Saj has nowhere else to go
LIDINGTON: What about Williamson?
JAVID: He's not answering his phone
HAMMOND: Funny that
JAVID: The Saj just needs somewhere to hide
HAMMOND: Why? what...

<pa-ching>

CLARKE: Sniper! DOWN!

CLARKE: Stay away from the windows. I'll get my revolver
LIDINGTON: Did you warn Boris you were quitting?!
JAVID: No, The Saj...
HAMMOND: Jesus wept!

<pa-ching>

PATEL: I know you're in there Javid!
LIDINGTON: Oh no...
CLARKE: They sent PRITI after you?!
HAMMOND: We're so fucked

<pa-ching>

PATEL: You can't hide forever!
CLARKE: Hmm. Revolver's not gonna cut it
HAMMOND: Ken's right Javid. You know what you are? A twat.

<pa-ching>

PATEL: Come out! I'll give you a head start
CLARKE: Ah. This'll do it
HAMMOND: What the FUCK is that?!
CLARKE: Panzerschreck

LIDINGTON: Where did you get a Panzerschreck?!

<pa-ching>

CLARKE: Funny story! In 1973, Heath sent me to Berlin...

<pa-ching>

PATEL: I'm still here Javid!

CLARKE: One second

WHOOSH-BOOM

HAMMOND: Is it over?
CLARKE: Yes
PATEL: I'll be back Javid, with backup
CLARKE: For now

LIDINGTON: She took that rocket right in the face! How is she still standing?!
CLARKE: Priti can't be killed with conventional weapons. That will slow her down for a while though
HAMMOND: What do we do?
CLARKE: I've got a PAK 40 in the shed somewhere
HAMMOND: I meant about Javid

LIDINGTON: Javid's here now. We can't send him away
CLARKE: David's got a point. We just need to stash him somewhere until I can dust the PAK off
HAMMOND: Fuck SAKE okay. Wait! The Chapel!
LIDINGTON: I don't get it
CLARKE: Smart. It's holy ground
HAMMOND: Priti can't go in there

HAMMOND: Ken, get that PAK. David, take Javid
JAVID: The Saj
HAMMOND: Take JAVID to the chapel. Take Ken's revolver too
JAVID: But...
LIDINGTON <gently>: It's not for Priti, Javid. It's for us. If it comes to it.
HAMMOND: It won't. The Chancellors are going to war
CLARKE: Hoo-rah

A while since I've done one of these (been busy finishing the book). They start here:

https://twitter.com/garius/status/1062983853260918784?lang=en

Book (which, seriously, is FINALLY almost done. I have an ending! Yay!) is here:

unbound.com/books/the-brex…

And you can buy me a coffee here 😁

ko-fi.com/garius