Thread by @ClaireBerlinski

I wonder if I'm a fool for treating this like a joke. I mean, what are the odds it's true? Small, admittedly. But if it's true, how much would I *love* to meet the emissaries of the Galactic Federation? SO MUCH. Would it hurt me to be diplomatic?

https://twitter.com/scalzi/status/1336335954173329412

To the Ambassador of the Galactic Federation
Tuesday, December 8, 2020

Your Excellency,

I am pleased to welcome you and eager to accept Letters accrediting you as Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary of the Galactic Federation.

I am grateful for the greetings which you bring from retired Israeli general Haim Eshed and I ask you to convey my good wishes for your leader's health and prosperity. I am also pleased to send my cordial greetings to your Federation and all the Federation's subjects.

I look forward to the day our ("people?" Maybe not le mot juste? ... ) our planets (are they from a planet?) enjoy excellent relations and in time full diplomatic relations and fruitful scientific cooperation.

I am sure the close bond between us will be further strengthened by my planet's already well-developed interest in spaceships, as displayed by our enthusiasm for such legendary accounts as "ET," "Star Trek," and "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan."

I would therefore like to begin my remarks by expressing my gratitude to your Federation for the introduction you've made by means of the former head of Israel's Defense Ministry's space directorate.

I trust too that you were graciously received by my President Donald Trump.

And if not, don't worry: We too find him peculiar.

A particular motive for my enthusiasm is my longstanding interest in the Kelvan Empire of the Andromeda Galaxy who sought to use the Starfleet vessel on a generational voyage to their homeworld.

I am hopeful that our meeting will allow us both better to study and understand precisely how they reduced my species to easily destroyed little polyhedrons.

As you know, our societies on earth face challenges of considerable magnitude, although we're doing better than our forebears, the dinosaurs. So far.

It is my hope that meeting you in person will be fruitful among those searching for solutions to the political, economic and social questions of our age.

Looking further afield, I expect that Your Excellency and I will be able to work together profitably, particularly including initiatives for debt relief and financing for my planetary and personal development.

The sustainable development of the world’s human race through well-targeted assistance is a worthy goal, and such assistance, we hope, will not only improve our lives and economic prospects, but benefit donor beings--

not only through the creation of economic markets, but also through the fostering of mutual respect, solidarity, and above all peace through prosperity for all the galaxy's creatures.

Inter-galactic cooperation is an enterprise truly worthy of our attention and one too big to be allowed to fail. I would therefore invite you, during your mandate, to explore ways of furthering development cooperation between your Federation and our planet's development agencies,

to whom I would be honored to make the appropriate introductions.

Finally, (Mr? Ms?) Ambassador, in offering you my good wishes for the success of your mission, allow me to assure you that all the departments of my household stand ready to support you in your duties.

Upon you, your family and all your subjects, I cordially invoke the galaxy's abundant blessings.

Once more, welcome to Planet Earth! My staff will be happy to address any questions or inquiries you might have.

Sincerely,

Claire Berlinski
Intergalactic Ambassador

There, how could that cause offense? What harm could it do? Probably won't work, but it doesn't cost me anything to be polite, right?