Thread by @gradydoctor

1/
You: “They crazy as hell if they think I’m doing that shit.”

We stared at the wall-mounted TV showing the news. Health care workers gleefully rolled up sleeves and smiled for cameras as they received the first batches of the #COVIDVaccine.

You shook your head hard.

2/
I’d swung by to check on you after missing you on rounds earlier that morning. Even though the television was muted, what was happening was clear.

Me: “What makes you say that?”

You cocked your head and raised your eyebrows at me.

Then threw back your head and laughed.

3/
Me: “I’m serious!”
You: “Shiiit, I am, too!”

*laughter*

Me: “But real talk, though. What makes you say that?”
You: “Say what? Say I ain’t taking that half-cooked shot they peddling?”

Your reply was telling.

I sat on the bedside chair and waited to see what you’d say next.

4/
You: “So you mean to tell me they got a shot for this already but still can’t figure out no shot for AIDS?”
Me: *squinting* “Tell me what you mean. Like, is it that you think it should take longer? Like an HIV vaccine? Or something else?”

You looked a little angry now.

5/
Not at me. Just in that way my people look when they feel mad at it all.

The history.
The system.
The all of it.

You: “Fuck them.”

*silence*

Me: *leaning back in chair* “I mean. . . I’m ‘them’ too so that’s why I’m asking.”
You: “Yeah? Then fuck you, too.”

*laughter*

6/
You: “I don’t like that the shit that hurt Black folks, poor folks and folks with strongholds they can’t figure out. Oh but for THIS they ‘GOT GOOD TECHNOLOGY’ to do it in 2 damn weeks.”

Stronghold.

I always thought that slang term fit addiction well. And sounded empathic.

7/
Me: “You mean HIV, right?”
You: “Yeah, man. That’s some bullshit.”

*silence*

I thought about launching into a soliloquy about the differences between HIV and SARS-CoV2. I considered telling you that peoples’ entire careers focused on an HIV vaccine and . . . .

I didn’t.

8/
Me: “I took the COVID vaccine.”

Your head whipped away from the TV and back to me.

Me: *hand up* “Well, wait. I was in a study where MAYBE I took it.”
You: *eyes trained on me*
Me: “Yeah. But yeah, I did. And if I didn’t get it, I will.”

*silence*

You: “When?”

9/
Me: “When what?”
You: “When did you take that shot?”
Me: *thinking* “Uhhh. . . it’s 2 shots and it was like September and October.”
You: “Are you serious?”
Me: “Yeah.”

*silence*

You: *laughing* “Shiiiid. You better hope they ain’t shot you up with syphilis.”

10/
Me: “Nah. I’m good. Plus you know that syphilis thing wasn’t that they gave it to them but that they had a treatment but didn’t give it. And just watched them suffer.”
You: “So they SAY.”

I changed the subject.

Me: “So . . . what’s the main reason YOU say no?”

11/
You: “What’s the main reason YOU said yes?”

*laughter*

Me: “Some of it is selfish. Like, people who get the shots may avoid getting COVID—and if they get it, it may be less bad. So there’s that. But mostly, this is ‘bout us for me. That’s why I joined.”

*silence*

12/
Me: “This will sound crazy, but I looked at the speed dial/favorites list in my phone. And all but one person was Black.”
You: *listening*
Me: “I thought about how connected we are as a people. And feel scared that other folks will protect their communities and we won’t.”

13/
You: “And then they’ll forget about us.”
Me: “ I don’t know about that. But I do know that we losing already with COVID. And that’ll just get worse if none of us get vaccinated. Since we like to be together.”

*silence*

Me: “So that’s why for me. What about you?”

14/
You: “If you don’t care about me no where else, why is THIS different? Like, if it only affect us & not them, they can’t figure it out. But if THEY sick, ooohhh they got TECHNOLOGY.”

*silence*

Me: “Hmm. That’s real. But is that the reason you’d not take it?”

You shrugged.

15/
It’s all so complicated. And this story would be so great if it ended with my patient’s tearful epiphany and subsequent vow to be vaccinated.

It did not.

But what did happen is just as important as what did not.

We DID keep the dialogue open. Which, to me, is everything.

16/
We talked a little more with each encounter. Some about things like Satchel Paige and the Negro Baseball League finally getting due MLB recognition.

And.

Some about a #COVID19 vaccine.

You: “You see what I mean? All this stuff connected to each other. All this wrong.”

16/
Me: “Yeah. I hear you.”

I do.

Turns out you aren’t scared of needles. And you don’t think someone would inject you with something harmful. Or withhold treatment. Right now, you are mostly mad. Rightfully so.

And still unsure.

But you kept the dialogue open.

17/
You: “Yeah, Doc. I’m gon’ let you go first. ‘Cause as of now? I’m still a hell naw.”

*laughter*

And this? This was a tiny win. Because me going first means, just maybe, you might go second.

I’ll take it. 👊🏽

#HumanismAlways #notthrowingawayOURshot
#CovidVaccine