Even though I tried to ignore Twitter this week but what I still learnt on the Twitter this week anyway:
1. While NFLD's government responds to a severe COVID outbreak with ninja-like pandemic management skills, Ontario's Premier promotes Tim Horton's new real egg sammich.
1. While NFLD's government responds to a severe COVID outbreak with ninja-like pandemic management skills, Ontario's Premier promotes Tim Horton's new real egg sammich.
2. After Niagara's Chief Medical Officer receives death threats about the lockdown, Doug Ford tells constituents of Sam Oosterhoff's riding to "cut it out with the silly death threat shenanigans, you fun-loving supporters of mine!"
3. Doug Ford says people need to be able to work to earn a wage so he has to start opening the province but don't you dare leave your house to frequent these businesses employing people you shouldn't be exposing to Coe-Vedd. Also, get yourself a Timmie's scrumptious egg sammich.
4. ON's Finance Minister says all $13B of the federal relief funds "have been allocated." Says The Doug Ford Expressway, to be built across north Toronto, ain't gonna pay for itself, and the developers'/party supporters' invoices must be paid in advance, per election agreement.
5. Alberta and Ontario begin reopening their economies fast because there's only a small window of opportunity until the highly contagious Covid variants kill all the people spending money at Doug and Jason's supporters' businesses.
6. Asked during a press conference this week if their data suggests catastrophic results are about to unfold if Ontario begins reopening, Ontario's chief doctors say, "Yes. That's what the data is showing us."
That's it. That's the funny part.
That's it. That's the funny part.
7. Eleven months into the pandemic Kenney offers Alberta's frontline workers $1200 if they promise to forget he's slowly killing them all and flushing away billions of tax dollars.
8. Jason Kenney does his Karate Kid impersonation this week. Coal on. Coal off. Coal on. Coal off.
8. Jason Kenney does his Karate Kid impersonation this week. Coal on. Coal off. Coal on. Coal off.
9. Erin O'Toole rejects suggestion the federal government develop national standards for LTCs. Says if Conservative Premiers aren't left to bungle their pandemic responses, the CPC can't do any memes about war vets dying in LTCs. And the CPC is definitely outraged about that.
10. Pierre Poilievre shuffled out of Finance critic role after it's discovered he's been using Canada's official credit card to take the Young Conservatives of Canada out for lunch every week.
11. Poilievre calls the European Union a country. That's it. That's the funny part.
11. Poilievre calls the European Union a country. That's it. That's the funny part.
12. Sam Oosterhoff tweets he's disappointed in Niagara's Chief Medical Officer has decided to keep Niagara locked down because the Oosterhoff clan haven't had a small, intimate 200-person family dinner together out at Uncle Jed's place since the big birthday bash for baby jesus.
13. Ontario MPP Randy Hillier and UCP MLA Drew Barnes start new hillbilly rock band called 'Tinfoil Trumps N95.' First track from new album, Wee Don't Need Know Educashun, to be released in March, right after the big pig roast.
14. Edmonton's CFL team considers new names to replace "Eskimos". Kenney insists they be called 'Edmonton I ♥️ O&Gers' because Jason's already promised a supporter $13M to produce new team jerseys using expensive pandemic masks from Old Navy which are just gathering dust anyway.
15. With a sh*t-ton of vaccines about to flood Conservative provinces, Doug and Jason focus hard to plan the rollout of their official Divert Everyone's Attention From Our Incompetence strategies. Doug eyes Tim's upcoming Roll Up the Rim campaign as obvious tactic and fundraiser.
16. Lecce leaks hints of March Break change to Brian Lilley so Lilley can ensure focus of parents' outrage is directed at teachers, not Lecce. That's it. That's the sad part.
17. Doug says the best way to keep kids safe from the third wave of the pandemic is congregant settings.
17. Doug says the best way to keep kids safe from the third wave of the pandemic is congregant settings.
18. People outraged to see a glass of wine on Michelle Rempel's desk. Which is kinda weird. Because, me, I really wish for once she'd sit down, drink lots of wine and just STFU.
19. This past Tuesday Lecce hosted his one millionth pointless Zoom meeting for the month of February
19. This past Tuesday Lecce hosted his one millionth pointless Zoom meeting for the month of February
20. Me, I had a bit of "I just can't" week where Doug Ford's incompetence, corruptness and love for egg sammiches are concerned. But, on the upside, I saved $1.87 on my electricity bill this month, which I'll pay for later anyway, but now I'm halfway to a tasty Tim's egg sammich.
21. It's Valentime's Day. I've never been a big celebrator of the Hallmark Holiday, but this year maybe it makes sense to make a point of letting someone you love know how much you appreciate them standing with you through all this shite. Also, Valentime's canoodling, am I right?
22. We really do need to stop electing Conservative governments. Unless we're really actually diggin this whole Rolling Lockdowns Until 2023 thing we got going on here in Ontario these days.
Also, Timmie's ain't Canadian, Doug, you giant ham-fisted putz.
Also, Timmie's ain't Canadian, Doug, you giant ham-fisted putz.
PS A dear friend who doesn’t know I’m behind this account just emailed me a link to this thread.
She wrote, “You should get on Twitter. I think you’d like this account.”
Me: “Meh. The guy sounds like an ass.”
Her: “You’re an ass.”
I think that’s known as going full circle.
She wrote, “You should get on Twitter. I think you’d like this account.”
Me: “Meh. The guy sounds like an ass.”
Her: “You’re an ass.”
I think that’s known as going full circle.
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