Thread by @mynamesnotgordy

What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. CPC MP Cheryl Gallant says she knows Trudeau started COVID because she used her special extraterrestrial CB radio to make contact with alternate universes which told her Trudeau caused lockdowns to make his drive to the cottage easier.

2. Erin O'Toole states repeatedly he was in RCAF, when he was not. O'Toole says he *did* write his RCAF's Insurance Brokers licencing exam after he left the Canadian Armed Forces' Air Command, but he moved after that and his RCAF Insurance Broker's licence was lost in the mail.

3. With all of Ontario moved out of a province-wide lockdown and back into a variety of colour-coded stages, Doug Ford further confuses the entire province by behaving like he's in a Code Green area no matter what stage the location of that particular photo opp is actually in.

4. Doug Ford says Horwath's voice sounds like fingernails down the chalkboard to him but since he did provide thousands of women in the construction trades a rapid test the very next day so they could continue to work for his developer donors proves he's not a misogynist, folks.

5. Stephen Lecce says to help add extra layers of safety he plans to personally deliver a Glade Plug-in to each and every school in Ontario.
6. Lecce throws stones through classroom windows to improve public school ventilation.
7. Lecce uses 174,975 words to say nothing again.

8. Doug Ford's cabinet moves to have former OPC's MPP's salary changed to 500.00 a week. Ford says since Baber's no longer helping Ford's team mismanage the pandemic response Baber doesn't deserve a six-figure salary or access to the All-Stars' Egg Sandwich buffet every morning.

9. Ontario government invests $2.5M in development of wearable tech which will alert wearers to a breach of the six foot physical distancing protocol with a recording of Doug Ford saying, "Hey, my friend, you're standing too close. Wayyy too loosey-goosey! Come on. Cut it out!"

10. Pierre Poilievre starts new role as Jobs critic for the CPC. In his first statement in the role, Poilievre says jobs are important because without jobs people wouldn't be paying taxes and without taxes he wouldn't be paid and would have to go out and get his first real job.

11. Infectious disease experts saying the positivity rate has inched up and variant cases are growing in Alberta. Jason Kenney says he has no plans to delay reopening, unless a lot people start getting sick again, which history has proven only happens always with re-openings.

12. Erin O'Toole says he wasn't born to be a politician even though his father was a career politician, and says his time in the RCAF when it was not the RCAF proves you can trust him to be for the working people, whom he often employs now to mow the lawn at Stornoway.

13. O'Toole says Trudeau's refusal to wear a COVID mask with "I ♥️ Keystone XL" printed on it proves Trudeau is anti jobs.
14. Jason Kenney says, if it's not ethical Alberta oil you're buying, you're clearly supporting a non-Albertan dictatorship.

15. O'Toole says when he rolls up his sleeves to get to work it's different than when Trudeau rolls up his sleeves because Erin was in the RCAF.
16. Trudeau pokes the CPC hornets' nest and gets exactly the result he was looking for. Proving the CPC aren't just bad at memecraft.

17. Doug Ford says his government will expand protections for Green Belt so he can say he built a giant highway through a smaller percentage of it. That's it. That's the funny part.
18. With truckloads of vaccines now headed to Ontario, Doug's suddenly stopped saying he's ready.

19. Singh suggests Trudeau send military to every province to administer vaccines. O'Toole argues the military should only be used as a prop to make Erin look like a jet fighter war ace.
20. Texas freezes. Privatized gas lines frozen. Republicans blame wind turbines and bicycles.

21. Doug Ford says he attended Hazel McCallion's birthday party because he was wearing a red hockey jersey which made it clear which zone he was in and that's the safest way to go to parties during a pandemic.
22. Doug Ford announces Mayor McCheese to receive Order of Ontario.

23. Almost a year into this whole thing. Gotta admit, these days I'm feeling a bit done with it. But I keep reminding myself we've come this far, so no point in wasting all that hard work we've done, right?

Also, I think I forget how to socialize anyway.