What enables abusers?
In what kind of eco system does a perpetrator thrive?
A THREAD
In what kind of eco system does a perpetrator thrive?
A THREAD
The abuser’s mindset is helped by the ecosystem they inhabit. This includes the people around them, the society they are part of and the punitive systems that are in place to hold them accountable.
1. The Abuser’s Mindset
Abusers feel entitled.
They feel deserving of special treatment.
They demand that their needs are met.
Above and beyond all else.
Woe betide anyone who doesn’t comply.
Abusers feel entitled.
They feel deserving of special treatment.
They demand that their needs are met.
Above and beyond all else.
Woe betide anyone who doesn’t comply.
Abusers like to be in charge.
They are the *top dog*
The head of the house.
And anyone else is beneath them.
They demand others are at their beck and call.
They expect subservience.
They are the *top dog*
The head of the house.
And anyone else is beneath them.
They demand others are at their beck and call.
They expect subservience.
Abusers need people to fear them.
It gives them power.
It gives them control.
It makes them feel invincible.
It gives them power.
It gives them control.
It makes them feel invincible.
Abusers are particular.
They like it how they like it.
When they like it.
No questions asked.
They like it how they like it.
When they like it.
No questions asked.
2. The people around them.
Family and friends don’t feel they can challenge the abuser.
This might be because they are frightened of the abuser.
They don’t want to be at the receiving end of wrath.
They don’t want the atmosphere that comes with confrontation.
Repercussions.
Family and friends don’t feel they can challenge the abuser.
This might be because they are frightened of the abuser.
They don’t want to be at the receiving end of wrath.
They don’t want the atmosphere that comes with confrontation.
Repercussions.
People around the abuser may benefit by being in the abuser’s ‘good books’.
They may rely on them financially.
The abuser may provide a needed service for them.
They abuser may be influential.
They don’t want the ‘come back’ that often comes from speaking out.
They may rely on them financially.
The abuser may provide a needed service for them.
They abuser may be influential.
They don’t want the ‘come back’ that often comes from speaking out.
They may admire the abuser and look up to them.
So they overlook or ignore the abuse because the abuser has good qualities and commands respect in other areas.
They may even join in the abuse so that the abuser knows they are ‘ on side’.
Or maybe they themselves are abusers
So they overlook or ignore the abuse because the abuser has good qualities and commands respect in other areas.
They may even join in the abuse so that the abuser knows they are ‘ on side’.
Or maybe they themselves are abusers
3. Society
Society sends out mixed messages about abuse.
It’s acceptable in some areas but not in others.
Or it depends on the person. Some are treated more leniently whereas others are judged more harshly.
Most abuse starts off as bullying.
And bullying isn’t a crime.
Society sends out mixed messages about abuse.
It’s acceptable in some areas but not in others.
Or it depends on the person. Some are treated more leniently whereas others are judged more harshly.
Most abuse starts off as bullying.
And bullying isn’t a crime.
Many in society think it is better to be a bully than to be a victim.
Think about it.
Think about it.
4. Punitive Systems
We are told to report all crime and that something will be done about it.
But often nothing IS done about it.
Abusers know this.
We are told to report all crime and that something will be done about it.
But often nothing IS done about it.
Abusers know this.
The systems that are in place to hold an abuser accountable and to punish behaviour that causes harm to another are inconsistently applied.
And re-traumatising to their victim.
An abuser knows that any delay is in their favour as it is detrimental to their victim.
And re-traumatising to their victim.
An abuser knows that any delay is in their favour as it is detrimental to their victim.
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