Thread by @CCCBuryStEd

There are men who PROUDLY proclaim they would never, ever hit a woman. Men who will say they have been brought up properly and that any man who raises a hand to a woman is the lowest of the low.

A THREAD

They would never hit a woman.

But they see nothing wrong in betraying her trust by having affairs and then lying to her or gaslighting her into believing she is paranoid for believing he could cheat. I mean, what’s wrong with her that she can’t trust him?!?!?

They would never hit a woman.

But they see nothing wrong in making her feel worthless. Eroding her self esteem by constantly talking about other women and their attributes, asking her why she isn’t more like them, or how she could be more like them - if only she lost weight etc.

They would never hit a woman.

But they see nothing wrong in undermining her as a mother. Contradicting everything she says to the children, telling the children they don’t have to listen to mum, she’s crazy or ‘Mum is a bitch’ or ‘ Mum is a slag’ or stupid, or a c***.

They would ever hit a woman

But they see nothing wrong In devaluing her contribution to the household. Treating her like a servant, whilst he brings in the bacon, dismissing her work aspirations or career because he views his as more important.
Belittling her job as a ‘hobby’.

They would never hit a woman.

But they see nothing wrong in making sexual demands, expecting sex as recompense, using it as collateral. Threatening repercussions if he isn’t ‘satisfied’.

They would never hit a woman.

But they see nothing wrong in trying to convince her she is mentally ill, that she needs to see a psychiatrist, that she’s ‘not right in the head.’ and needs to be locked up in a psychiatric hospital.

Until she is terrified it might be true.

They would never hit a woman.

But they see nothing wrong in pushing her, or shoving, or grabbing, or pulling her hair, or biting, or dragging her, or throwing things at her, or raising their fist as though they’re about to punch but then don’t.

But they didn’t hit her, right?

They would never hit a woman.

But they see nothing wrong in threatening it.
Because, well, it’s not real is it? A threat is just words, an opinion, free speech blah blah blah.

It’s not like he ACTUALLY hit her, is it?
There’s no real reason for her to be scared, is there?

They would never hit a woman

But they see nothing wrong in terrifying her.
Threatening to take the children so she doesn’t she them again.
Threatening to have her locked up because he says he can.
Threatening to get her sacked, to humiliate her online, to ruin her reputation.

They would never hit a woman.

But they see nothing wrong in depriving her of food, or sanitary products, or shampoo, or soap.
Or they prevent her from washing, tell her when she can go to the toilet, punish her if she disobeys.

Because he never laid a finger on her, right?

They would never hit a woman.

But they see nothing wrong in telling her that now she is a mother, he is not longer sexually attracted to her.
Her stretch marks put him off.
Breastfeeding repulses him.
Her vagina is too lose and he feels nothing.
Her body now disgusts him.

They would never hit a woman.

But they see nothing wrong in making her account for every expense, both for herself and the children.

Whilst he never puts those financial constraints on him.

On holidays he flies first class whilst his wife and children are in coach.

They would never hit a woman.

But they see nothing wrong in telling you that, if they don’t watch porn, they will be forced to seek sex from other women.
And they don’t want to do that, because they love & respect you too much to be unfaithful.
But not enough to humiliate you.

They would never hit a woman.

But calling her a whore, a slut, disgusting, an embarrassment, a piece of garbage not worthy of being treated well is ok, apparently..

They would never hit a woman.

But deliberately provoking her until she reacts and then filming/recording the ensuing outburst and using it to get her silence and compliance is not beneath them.

Using that to threaten reporting to police and social services is not beneath them.

They would never hit a woman.

But strangulation during sex is *passion*
Pulling hair so hard you cry is * in the moment*
Biting is * I couldn’t help myself*
Pain and bleeding is *You turn me on so much*

They would never hit a woman.

But they see nothing wrong in mocking her and belittling her to her face.
Humiliating her in front of her friends.
Making her feel worthless in front of his friends.
Embarrassing her in front of her work colleagues.

They would never hit a woman.

But they see nothing wrong in putting a tracker on her car, on her phone, surveillance cameras in her home, a key-strike logger on her computer.

And other stalking tech to enable their monitoring of her.

They would never hit a woman.

But they see nothing wrong in blaming her for their behaviour towards her.
- If you didn’t make me so angry, I wouldn’t have stayed out all night.
- If you hadn’t rejected me, I wouldn’t have slept with your best friend.

If only, if only, if only

They would never hit a woman.

But they see nothing wrong in telling you they are desperate to have children with you, start a family, they want to become a father, they don’t need to use a condom, you should come off the pill.

And when you fall pregnant they demand an abortion.

They would never hit a woman.

But they see nothing wrong in kicking you out of the car, locking you out of the house, walking out on you in a restaurant, deserting you in a secluded car park in the dark.

Or locking you IN the house and taking the key.
And taking the car.

They would never hit a woman.

But they see nothing wrong in telling you they’ll divorce you unless you lose weight. Telling you they are too tired to babysit their own children, because they work so hard to enable you to have the lifestyle you want.

As they go to the golf club.

They would never hit a woman.

But turning the table, evasion, scapegoating, gaslighting, stonewalling, diminishing, belittling, lying, silent treatment, crazymaking, shaming, blaming, triangulating, monitoring, stalking, coercing, controlling, exploiting & creating fear are ok.

They would never hit a woman.

But it’s ok to abandon her and ignore her when she’s given birth. Staying at work longer to avoid going home. Sleeping all weekend, or washing the car, or going on some errand- anything to avoid the first few months/few years of your child’s life.

They would never hit a woman.

But they tell you you’re not a woman. You’re a piece of shit, not worthy of being treated with respect, you deserve everything coming to you. You’re not human. You’re worthless.

And then they hit you.