Thread by @ArchaeoNomad

(1/n)
I was abused as a child in the boarding school at Ramakrishna Mission Vidyapith- Purulia. Physical abuse on children was rampant, but the mental indoctrination was even more abusive.

(2/n)
I was passionate about languages & acting, but was barred from both as I was bad at math! Monks told my parents that I wasn't good for anything if I wasn't good in the sciences. Finally dad, who was a photographer, had to take a lot of pics for free to get me into French.

(3/n)
When I finally did act, I was given the role of a hangman with just 1 word. I was also constantly shamed by the teachers and the monks for my dark-skinned. Treated as untouchable, called nasty names, because of my skin colour. Naturally, students bullied me the same way.

(4/n)
When I was in 7th standard, there was this monk who was the warden of our hostel. He took pride in the fact that not many students under his wardenship had left without being hit by him. He has a series of "informers" among students who were asked to make a list.

(5/n)
Then, out of the blue, in the name of disciplining he would call the students asked them to queue up and then go on a hitting rampage with a well-oiled stick, without even explaining what you did to deserve it.

(6/n)
I remember that one day I had fever so could not go to the study hall in the evening. I had come back from the clinic and laid down. The monk came in hand started hitting me without asking why I wasn't in the study.

(7/n)
Because I had no interested in math & sciences, because I was told repeatedly that I wasn't good enough or smart enough and no effort was made to encourage me, I'd just given up. At every occasion I was reminded that I won't ever make it to "greatness".

(8/n)
Those 7 years in the boarding school, the formative years of my life, completely broke me, made me very very low on self-esteem and confidence. I hated looking at myself in the mirror, and I was convinced that I am a trash.

(9/n)
It just broke me. Broke me from within. I was convinced that there was something wrong with me. So were my parents, who were ardent Ramakrishna Mission followers. What a monk told them had to be true. Monks could never lie, and their own child could.

(10/n)
So the years after leaving school was an uphill struggle. Struggle to make friends, struggle to prove myself, which I did because of the kindness of some of my later friends and teachers. But it was a hell of a struggle to cope and escape the indoctrination of the RKM cult

(11/n)
Finally, getting to the #UK taught me my self worth. That I was valuable. I met really kind people there, who were in my class, my landlords, my friends families and professors. UK was liberating and it healed me to a great extent. For which I will remain grateful.

(12/n)
Now, I am sure that I am not the only one who suffered such childhood traumas from the same school. The system was deeply rotten, and pedagogy non-existent. But the cult like indoctrination makes you doubt yourself & makes you treat your abuser as close to GOD.

(13/n)
I am coming out with my story today very publicly, because this story needs to be told, shared and because I want to protect the future generations from going through the same thing. I want parents to know before they decide to send them to schools like that.

(14/n)
I also want to tell those of you who suffered the similar way, and are still suffering silently, that you do not need to suffer anymore, that you can speak out. People will tell you-you are crazy, that you are wrong. But you aren't. I will always be there to hear you out.

(15/n)
Feel free to reach out to me, if you are suffering and need someone to talk to, to at least lighten your burden. Reach out to me on [e-mail]. You deserve to be heard.

(16/n) Okay before someone comes and starts gaslighting by saying “all monks aren’t bad”, I know that. I went to RKM Belur in 11th & 12th STD and monks there were really nice, compassionate and full of empathy. But saying all aren’t bad diminishes the problem which exists!

(17/n) So if you’re asking me did I not have ANY good experience in Purulia? Of course I did. Did I not have friends? Of course I did. It’s never black and white. But good experiences should not eclipse & shouldn’t be an excuse to overlook systemic abuse physical or psychological

(18/n) What can be done to address this practice of systemic abuse? Well the first step is for @rkmbelurmath to accept that there is indeed abuse & you don't need a 100% of students or alumni to complain about it to make the experiences of those who faced abuse to be true.

(19/n) It's only after acceptance that there can be introspection and training. The Culture of abuse in many organization just perpetuates for years because of lack of a better example. Awareness among the monks, teachers and staff can address this.

(20/n) Also in hindsight it was rather abnormal to note that running a boarding school for 700-odd children, the clinic did not have a single child psychologist or therapist. This oversight causes major #MentalHealth breakdown among kids. So presence of specialists is mandatory.

(21/n) Finally, the alumni has a huge role to play. Being donors and a powerful group of people well placed in life, they can choose to protect the future generations by pulling their weight & demanding change rather than being cronies & silent bystanders. This perpetuates abuse.

(22/n) So why am I sharing a slice of my experiences now. Why after almost 20yrs of leaving the school? What is my ulterior motive? I'm afraid there's none. It took this long for me to finally stand up to my trauma, after years of therapy, and tons of depression and anxiety pills

(23/n) The latest @LastWeekTonight with @iamjohnoliver talked about prisons in the hottest parts of the US not having enough cooling facilities in the incarceration areas. Well we didnt have fans in hostels at RKMV Purulia throughout school life in 40-degree C (104F) summer heat.

(24/n) But thankfully I have heard that hostels now have fans, which is the compassionate thing to do. Man making & character building education can take place in comfort. Although I know some older alumni sneer at the fact that there are now fans. I don't understand this.

(25/n) And if you are asking if the monks and other wardens had fans. Yes they did. They had fans, some of them had water heaters in their bathrooms too. Purulia gets terribly cold in winter and you had to jostle for that one tap near the dining hall which had hot water.

(26/n) I must add this incident because this is something that has left a deep trauma in me since class 6 (1999/2000) & now having #Kochuri as a pet is making revisit this horrible incident of #AnimalAbuse at RKMV Purulia. In 1999 the authorities there decided to cull the dogs.

(27/n) This was apparently done to "protect" the kids and becuase some parents had complained about too many stray dogs in the compound. The dogs didn't have rabies and were generally very sweet. I was scratched by one in class IV due to my own fault.

(28/n) The way this culling was done was especially cruel and it left a huge gash in my mind. The dog cullers were called in, they came in with bamboo poles and large iron tongs.

(29/n) In broad daylight, in front of everyone they'd corner one dog after another, squeeze and break their necks with the iron tongs and another person will keep hitting on their heads with the bamboo poles to make sure they were dead.

(30/n) Such cruelty to animals was unnecessary and despicable. More than 20 dogs were culled this way in front of everyone, and while the kids had no say, the adults didn't either. A few of my friends and I managed to save some dogs & a litter of 6 puppies by hiding them.

(31/n) This caused a massive trauma in my mind, I didn't realize how much. I told this to my parents, who sympathized, but thought whatever the monks did must be correct. No adult in the room ever spoke out openly against it. Compassion just vanished into thin air.

(32/n) Year's later, I spoke about this to my therapist, and started to understand the true effects of this trauma to my mental health. And now, being a dog parent, it affects me even more, and makes me feel guilty about not being able to speak out then, in class 6 & save more.