Thread by @iamjonjackson

📢 How to turn your pre-launch startup into a collosal wreckage fireball before it even gets off the ground... in 16 easy steps.

100% tried and tested.

A thread 🧵

1. Firstly, definitely spend a lot on branding.

You'll want 100 branded t-shirts for your future unicorn team and lots of swag to hoard in your cupboards.

2. Consider shelling out for a billboard ad or two.

Preferably 6 months before you launch and in an out-of-the-way location to keep costs down.

3. Sign up for Slack Business even though you don't need it.

Gotta flex 💪🏻

4. Definitely don't #buildinpublic

5. Spend as much time on the Twitter discover page as possible.

Valuable market research.

6. TikTok

Install, open the app, leave it open on your desk, monitor for at least 10 hrs a day.

Again, market research.

7. Tweet about coffee at least seven times a day.

Don't forget to use the ☕ emoji for extra authenticity.

8. Learn at least 3 new frameworks while building your app.

Try to pick obscure ones.

Abandonware also good.

9. Tweet about SaaS a lot.

Like, loads.

I mean, schedule at least 10 tweets a day.

And don't forget to use all the tags.

10. Speaking of tags...

#startups
#startups

#saas #useloadsoftags #yeslikethis #turningsentencesintotags #ultimateflex #startuplaunch #100DaysOfCode #lotsofcustomershere #themoretagsthebetter

#startups
#startups
#startups

#repeatforemphasis

11. Make sure everyone knows your product is "cheap" and "low value" to encourage signups to your free plan.

12. Get sidetracked a lot.

It's all market research.

Also see points 5 and 6.

13. Make sure your product solves a problem that nobody cares about.

This is critical.

14. Make sure you give away at least 80% equity for VC funding.

90% is preferable.

15. Use fake product reviews on your website before your product is built.

This is called "authenticity" and builds "trust" in your future "customers"

16. Narrow your focus to the point of obsession and refuse to learn from the experience of others.

Also, ignore the needs of customers. You only need their money, not their problems.

So that's it.

You're now ready to crash and burn your startup 🔥

And remember, enjoy the ride!