Thread by @Soundsaboutrig4

In Honor of #4thofJuly, I'm going to do my "live tweet review" of the Declaration of Independence as I threatened the other day.

(@FamousBL3 deal with it)

#Fireworks #AnnoyingAt3amAsshole

Apparently there are 13 united states.

Excuse me. There's only 1. And that's the USA of A.

Uh. I think they're complaining about their politics class. I think they must have failed it or something.

I think they're pissed at their teacher.

Jesus Christ. That's a lot of words to say "My buddies and I are blocking your ass"

Oh. Cool. They believe in equality. I'm sure they mean to include POC and women in this statement.

Okay. Uh. They apparently are into teen and/or drama movies. I've seen Life and I've seen Liberty.

And I'm pretty sure it's spelled Happyness for a reason. I saw the Will Smith interview.

Oh. It's adorable they think the government cares abou...wait. They're rich white guys. YEah. The government cares what they say.

Oh, god. They're whining about paying taxes aren't they? Rich, white dudes always talk about abolishing regulations when it costs them money.

Safety and Happiness was the weirdest web comic I ever read. Did...did Jefferson draw it?

Oh, shit. King George is getting called the fuck out.

I love drama.

HOLY HELL. THEY'RE CANCELING KING GEORGE!

Take that you "usurper." Which, uh, I think is a type of cheese.

Uh. Okay. These are some weak ass burns so far.

"He has refused his Assent to Laws"

What does his accent have to do with laws?

Okay. Now it's just complaining about middle management.

Jesus Christ. These lame as fuck burns just keep going.

Mostly it boils down to "That asshole who lives thousands of miles away isn't doing what we want him to do. We're rich, white guys. WE SHOULD BE LISTENED TO."

Fuck me. More whining about taxes I think.

Okay. Whining they can't buy their way for everything.

Do...do they ever actually do a sick burn?

What's the point of politics if you're not slamming people?

Okay. I'll give them the billeting soldiers stuff. That's gotta get old constantly thanking them for their service.

Didn't...didn't John Adams def...ah screw it.

More taxes.

God. It seems like rich people really hate paying taxes.

I'll give you trial by jury, though, if I'm being honest, I hate jury duty. Son in Law was much better.

"He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people."

Yeah. We want to do that to OTHER countries.

heyyyyyyoooo

Oh. Look. Mercenaries. We would never use those to invade other countries or to hold onto them.

*snort*

"excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions."

Uh. Ease up on the racism there, dbag.

Okay. Apparently they're pissed their lobbying bribes didn't work.

That's funny. Calling yourself free people while owning slaves and treating women like objects.

Now they're pissed their change.org petition didn't work out.

Now they're telling the King "It's definitely you and not me. We're through."

I'm pretty sure they were cheating on England with France and wanted to make England feel like shit.

OH, god. They're screaming about golden fringe or some shit.

THen a bunch of rich, white guys signed it.

Hahaha. That dude's name is 'Button Gwinnett.'

Button. How cute.

And that's my review of one of the most important documents in US History that people claim gives them the right to be selfish monsters.