Thread by @Soundsaboutrig4

Happy #4thofJuly.

As a warm up for later, I'm going to review the The Star-Spangled Banner.

And you might go "What in the hell is this nonsense?"

It's the original verses.

Okay. First of all. What's the deal with Spangled.

It's called that because the US flag is covered in asterisks. Which is our way of swearing on our flag without the squares realizing it.

Betsy Ross LOVED to swear in secret.

So it starts out asking me if I'm a morning person of some bullshit.

I'm not.

Then it talks about being proud of watching the movie Twilight. Weird that Francis Ford Keyppola knew about the movie hundreds of years ago.

Then it asks trivia. I have no clue what flag has stripes and stars. You're the anthem, asshole.

Then it's talking about streaming a show called Rampart?

"And the rocket’s red glare"

Hahaha. It's talking about a dog's dick. WTF.

"the bombs bursting in air"

Yeah. Assholes do that for a week or more in either direction of this day doing that shit.

Then it demands a proof of life about a flag.

Here's a tip. Flags aren't alive.

And said banner started the wave.

"O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?"

Where the fuck is that? Have you never heard of rent, asshole?

Whining about the foggy weather.

"Where the foe’s haughty host in dread silence reposes,"

Cool story.

Talking about a breeze. What the fuck is up with Keyppola and weather?

"As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?"

Haha. Like your mom.

Oh, my god. This asshole just prattles on about light and weather and shit.

Skipping some of this shit.

"And where is that band who so vauntingly swore,"

The venue is closed due to covid.

"That the havoc of war and the battle’s confusion"

Uh. The correct name was Gears of War.

"A home and a Country should leave us no more?"

Typical man. Claiming he won't leave.

"Their blood has wash’d out their foul footstep’s pollution."

Uh. I'm more worried about toxic waste, but sure. Blood is icky.

"No refuge could save the hireling and slave"

Jesus...

WTF

"From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave,"

Uh. I wallow in existential dread. Thanks for adding to that.

"And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave"

"O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave."

"Uh. And those slaves I talked about and the women we see as property."

"O thus be it ever when freemen shall stand"

Again. They mean white men.

"Between their lov’d home and the war’s desolation!"

Worst country music song ever.

"Blest with vict’ry and peace may the heav’n rescued land"

It's Blessed. Geez. What a jabroni.

Then it talks about Power. I mean...that was a good show.

"Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,"

Assholes always justify their war-like ways.

'And this be our motto - “In God is our trust,”'

Uh. Separation of Church and State, bro.

And then he just repeats again.

Shit.

No wonder no one remembers the lyrics.

We all just mumble it and then make fun of people who fuck it up.

Happy 4th.

Be safe.

I spent time on this.

And that's why I'm glad I live in a country that gives me the freedom to waste my time...and yours.

Uh. I mean...most countries let you do that, but...THIS IS OUR DAY!