Well, I went into my old slides and found a desert trip I had before all this.

I went to this beautiful, small town known as Perfection, Nevada. A group of people from the Casino dropped me off there.

I met some friends, even though I felt some #Tremors
While there I became friends with Val Bacon and Earl Ward. Two cool guys who showed me how to get chicks and make money.

Join me as I go back to that wacky time. I still made it look good. I always do.
@RegaNorwegian Here's your one "I want this review" token being used.

We start off at this cool cliff that isn't foreshadowing.

Bacon pisses off a cliff while burgers walk around behind him.
Earl is asleep in the bed of his truck because where else ya gonna sleep?

Bacon wakes him up by screaming "Stampede" and shaking the bed.

What a doofus.
Earl is pissed that he's woken up from his sleep and looks to cause second smoke to get his revenge. That and sitting there looking cool as hell.
After some gentle ribbing, we cut to them building a fence.

In the background we hear some orange dbag screaming "BUILD THAT WALL! Build that wall!!!!"
We then find out they have to do all kinds of odd jobs just to scrape by.

Bacon wants to be lazy while Earl thinks ahead.
They then see a truck in the desert. Bacon realizes there's a woman out there.

He starts to scream out the physical features he wants on her. None of them, I should point out, rely upon a personality.

Uh. It was 1990. What can you do?
We meet...uhh...Rhonda from the geom...geomo...earth shaking tester people thingy of stuff from the college.

They check how strong an #earthquake is using the Richguy Scale.
We find out that she's getting weird readings from her ...line scratching machines.
We then get a scene where we find out that Bacon only wants a woman who fits a specific physical look.

Yeah. Good thing you're hot, dude, because you exude red pill dbaggery.
We cut over to the spot where they dumped my body (jokes on the casino people...I lived).

This is Perfection. Population 14.
We're introduced to the local bball king.

We're also introduced to the local second amendment enthusiasts and find out what happened to Egg Shen after Jack Burton left his life.
We cut over to images of the ground shaking.

I think that's from when I dropped a wicked deuce in the public bathroom there known as "a hole in the desert they dug to bury my body."

Man. THat's a wacky story to tell.
We then see a shot of the deadites in the desert. They're much lazier than woods ones since they don't bob around as much.
We see the deadites chase after Rhonda, but she gets into her truck and drives away.

They're dehydrated, so they stop.
We cut to Earl using his bulldozer to cover up my grave in the landfill. Jokes on him, I already crawled out.
Earl and Bacon drink on the job.

They taught me everything I know.
We cut to Earl and Bacon using a half-broken sewage pump to suck poop out from the poop chute.

Earl and Bacon get covered in the poop.
This is the last straw, so they decide to leave.

We also find out that Bacon has a fetish for a particular vacuum that "sucks just right."
As they try to leave, a siren temptress tries to lure him into her trap.

She wants them to build some kiln and she'll give them money and food and booze.

Meanwhile, her kid pogo-sticks by screaming "THIS IS A UNIX SYSTEM!!!"
They ignore the artistic siren and decide to leave town for Bixby. Man...that place sounds big.

Anyway. As they're driving away, they see some hobo in a powerline.
Bacon is made to go up to check on him.

He's mad that the hobo keeps screaming about chem trails.

At least that's what he normally screamed about.

He dead. He didn't quench his thirst. If only he had...some corporate product I'd have put here if they'd sponsor me!!!
The local doc confirms it was the thirst for product placement that got him.

we then cut to some dude planting in the desert. That doesn't work ya dingus.

He has a bunch of sheep around him and he mumbles about masks.

Then he gets pulled down into the ground by an earthquake.
Bacon and Earl of Sandwich drive out of town and talk about why the hobo would thirst to death from lack of product placement.

Bacon thinks some crazy guy did it.
We then get a sweet stunt where they brake when they see the sheep guy's sheep got got.

Like...mutton everywhere.

This is Fred's place. Fred's shack is tiny, but would cost 3 million in San Francisco.
They see a hat on the ground. They pick it up and there's Right Said Fred sticking his head out of the ground.
We then see Earl and Bacon going back towards town. Where they pass some construction workers.

One of the workers is jackhammering the road when it pierces into a the slime from Ghostbusters 2
The dude is pulled into the hills that have eyes and gets got.

The other dude gets destroyed by #earthquake #Avalance
Back in town they find out the lines are broken.

They then get told by the locals to go to Bixby.

BUT THE #EARTHQUAKE has blocked off the road where the workers got got.
Bacon and Earl go out to see if the workers ar...HOLY CRAP.

Earl sees a helmet filled with Ghostbusters goo.

They get back into the truck and back up.

The truck gets stuck because Bacon got it caught on something.

Maybe it's Vigo the Carpathian
After a moment and some insults from Earl, Bacon gets unstuck and they go back to town.
They get back to town where the locals point out that their truck has a worm infestation.

A BIG WORM infestation...hahahahahahahahaha
We find out this worm is what stuck the truck.

We also find out Bacon and Earl suck at finances.

They sell the graboid to Egg Shen for $15.

You could have sold it on ebay for like..$30.
We cut over to the doc and his wife. Apparently, Bacon and Earl didn't want to warn them about people getting ganked.

The doc and his wife find out that maybe they shouldn't have left the big city.

That'll learn you to leave!!!!
The doc gets gobbled up by a sinkhole and the wife finds out that her...station in life after this is being very underground.
Man. I forgot how brutal the doc's death was. Dude gets got by a sinkhole that's filled with quicksand.
We cut over to Egg Shen making bank from the graboid. At least $3.
We see Burt talk about being prepared. I think he's a boy scout or something.

We also find out that the radio won't work because they're in isolation.


Burt and his wife (Reba) love being cut off.

They can second amendment the shit out of nature without interference.
They come up with a plan. They force my friends Earl and Bacon to take old ass ponies through the desert to get to Bixby.

Man. I bet we never see Bixby.

We also find out that Bacon rides through the desert on a horse with no name. HAHAHAHA. I AM WITTY!!!
Egg Shen gives Earl some bullets and some cheese he shot with them (swiss)
Burt and Reba give Earl one of their guns. One of like 29835428935938 of them.
We get some sweet cowboy way shots as they go through the desert going the opposite of where Bixby probably is.

I think they're leaving the locals to die from the thirst from product placement.
We cut to Bacon and Earl at the doc's place.

They hear music playing and we find out that station wagons had batteries that could last for hours and withstand submersion.
See. The station wagon was sucked under with the wife in it.

They hear the music and they find the license plate just below the surface.
HOly shit. It is built Ford tough!
Earl and Bacon ride by a cement river channel thingy and then their horses freak the hell out.

Earl and Bacon try to second amendment the ground as their horses get got.

Turns out that the graboid worm is under the ground.
Bacon and Earl run and made it into the cement channel thingy mabob.

The kind of cement channel that caused Johnny Utah's knee to give out in The Fast and the Furious prequel.
The graboid slams into cement and finds out that cement and rebar aren't like dirt.

It hurts when you run into it. Trust me. I ran into some once and was put into a corma.
Rhonda appears above them and they dig out the graboid thingy.

Rhonda turns out to be a biologist, too. I'm impressed.

We find out that the graboid is "totally subterranean." That means they listen to indie music while living in an aquarium.
Rhonda realizes she can make bank off finding a new creature.

We also find out that Bacon is the fastest digger in history.

He finds that the whole thing is like jaws in length.
Rhonda continues to show that she's a zoologist because she finds out its hairy thingies on the side are used to make it swim in dirt.

Rhonda then realizes there are like...more of the graboids.
We then see the squiggle line thing go crazy as they head for Rhonda's truck.

They realize that the graboid is coming for them and they head to smell what the Rock is cooking.
Up ontop of the Rock, they're safe from all harm.
We also find out that this is the graboid they already hurt and it now has a vendetta against them.

What's up with creatures and vendettas?
Time passes and I realize this is a youtube challenge channel. "24 HOURS IN A DESERT WHILE BEING HUNTED BY A SUBTERRANEAN PRECAMBRIAN MONSTER!"
We also find out that the graboids just wait because they have their own challenge youtube channel. "24 Hours hunting down the humans who took one of my snake tongues."
We then find out that Bacon realizes that the worms listen real good. Like. I would be friends with them. They'd listen to me talk all the time and listen to my stupid reviews.

Those graboids would be my best friends!
Night comes, they piss, and then morning comes and they're pissed they're still there.
We also find out that there's COLD IN DEM THERE HILLS!!!

Bacon was cold...it's...Sierra Madre...never mind.
We find out that the graboids watched Galaxy Quest because they
That's why the hobo died from thirst of product placement. Ughhh...corporations. Give me money!!!!
We then have Earl and Bacon arguing while Rhonda finds convenient poles and they do pole vaulting.

It's like an olympic sport, but the prize for winning is not being eaten by a monster.
Hahaha. I love this scene. It's so freaking good.
They get to the rock beside the truck.

They get ready and all vault together and they jump onto my back. I was sleep in the bed of the truck you dinguses!!!

Rhonda goes through the back window and finds out she can drive with her hands.

She can also steer and see without eyes.
They get back to Perfection where Egg Shen is trying to get ahold of Burt and Reba.


Then they screamed about masks and shit.
Egg Shen coins the term graboid. He'd later use this copyrighted word for t-shirts describing republicans.

We then watch Earl getting drunk. I'd get drunk.

Maybe the graboids are like mosquitos and don't like booze in the blood.
The locals go "HELP ME, RHONDA. HELP HELP"...like...in the song.
Rhonda has a plan. Go into dem there hills.

We then see the local bball champion losing his ball(s).

Bacon and Earl go out to beat the kid up for losing his ball, when they see him up a pole.

They realize the graboids are there and they scatter!
Rhonda takes charge and tells everyone "SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I SHOVE A SEISMOLOGY MACHINE UP YOUR ASS!!"
But we hear Jurassic Park Kid outside on a pogo stick screaming "IT'S A UNIX SYSTEM!!' over and over, so she can't hear them yelling at her to shut up.

Bacon saves the kid as the graboid grabs the pogo stick. It gets pissed when it doesn't instantly master it. Practice, graboid!
We then watch Bacon get the local bronco record on his truck.

He beat 8 seconds...ha...movie reference!
Rhonda gets stuck in barb wire like it's WWI.

The graboids grab the posts and starts to drag Rhonda in, but she's saved by a Baconator.
Bacon finally gets Rhonda's pants off her when it was either that or die.

They run to hide with Rhonda in her underwear and I feel like this sorta undermines her action star lead power a tiny bit.

Young me appreciated it, though.
Bacon proves his worth on the DENNIS system by showing Rhonda he can do basic first aid.
We then get a scene where the pepsi cooler makes a ton of noise and Egg Shen gets got.

(This movie sets up EVERYTHING early on and the pay off is always amazing. This is legit an amazing movie)

No? Screw you all. My references are so fresh and relevant.
Rhonda gets knocked out a window after the shelves get The Mummied.

She ends up on the water tower.
They then tell all the others to get on the roof.
We cut over to Burt and Reba getting home to their bunker.

Reba sees that all the locals are up on their roof like they're part of The Drifters. Ha. Reference!

Burt radios Bacon to find out WTF is going on.

Bacon tells them that the graboids are under the ground...but the radio is all wonky.
Reba starts this shell cleaning thing and it makes a toonnnn of noise.

The graboids go crazy and head for Burt and Reba.

They look like the sandworms from Beetlejuice/Dune.
Bacon tells them to get on the roof.

Before they can do that...the graboids break into the rec room they're in.


I love this movie
Burt and Reba second amendment the shit out of the graboid.

It's all like "WHAT THE FUCK DID I GET MYSELF INTO???" as they go to town with their rec room collection.
Reba and Burt are both amazing in this scene.
Though, it was a little weird that Burt kept screaming about his Republican kid named Michael J. went back in time or some shit.

Finally, after going through more everything else, they grab the elephant boom boom stick.

Burt then says the awesome line "Broke into the wrong god damn rec room didn't you you bastard!"
Can I point out that the graboids brought both side of the political spectrum together. That's how we know this movie is fiction.
We also find out that Burts load can't penetrate the graboids when they're in the dirt.
We also find out that the graboids are really, really smart for subterr...underground thingies.

They are undermining not only the confidence of the consumers...errr...consumees...they're undermining the very foundation of Perfection.
They realize that they won't be able to stay in town.

They have to get to the mountain or they're FUCKKKEEEEEDDDDD.
One dude gets knocked off his roof, jumps onto a monster truck tire and gets monster fucked.
So the plan is to use Burt's truck to...wtf.

The graboids ate his truck.

His black bronco.

These things are too damn smart.

Uh...can we give these graboids the voting rights of some of the people in this country because they understand shit.

Earl and Bacon work together to figure out they can use a bulldozer and an old semi-trailer to head up to the hills.

Hill of a plan.

Of course the bulldozer is like...far away.

They need to cause a distraction so Bacon can sizzle.
They use a tiny tractor to ..HOLY CRAP THE ROOF IS CAVING IN.
They rig the tractor to drive straight to drive the graboids away from them.

We then get a great scene of rock paper scissor (which was established earlier) and Bacon defies the Earl of Sandwich.
No. Seriously. Like damn near everything is set up early on in this movie and pays off later.

It's solid screenwriting.
Bacon gut punches Earl, screams "I'M THE HERO WHO GETS THE GIRL," and runs like hell to the bulldozer.

The tractor, though, flips over and the graboids come after Bacon. They can smell it cooking.
The others decide they need to cause noise to get the graboids to leave their bacon alone.
Bacon hooks up the bulldozer with the semi and they make baby trucks.

It's adorbs.

We also get some intense action scenes where Rhonda is the one needing help. See...see how I flipped the song around...

shut up.
Bacon pulls the others out of the fire and picks them up one by one.

They all get into the trailer. Everyone but Rhonda. She snuggles against Bacon.

Can't say I blameeee herrrrr.
We cut to Burt and Reba making ...uhh...I don't want to be on a list so let's call them party poppers.
Burt and Reba argue a bit about masks and shit before they get on the trailer.
We also find out that the graboids are constantly trying to undermine their confidence...and their transportation.

We also hear Reba telling Burt that penetration is the most important thing.
We then hear Burt lament about the loss of the good life of...

*checks notes*

insane zombie-survival LARPing.
We then find out that the graboids set up a pit to crash the bulldozer right beside where the cliff Bacon was pissing off at the beginning is.

I...I guess I was wrong. It was foreshadowing.
Burt then uses a...party popper to scare the graboid.

They realize the noise from the popper hurts the graboids.

It causes them to run away like it's a rabbit.
Rhonda takes control again and they decide to head for the rocks while using party poppers.

Legit great scene.

We also find out that the local bball star isn't trusted by anyone to use anything but a bball.
They all head to the rocks. Well. Jurassic Park girl, of course, falls and screams "IT'S A UNIX SYSTEM!!" over and over again.

Ugh. Just let her get eaten. I know it's a unix system already!!!
They're stuck on the rocks and decide to plan.

Reba gives a rousing speech and starts to sing.
Time passes and everyone is really down.

I try to get people excited by telling them a movie review about Casino.

They go "uh...that movie won't be released for 5 years" and I just run away.
They then decide to go graboid fishing.

They tie a party popper onto the end of a rope and lasso it onto the dirt.

The first graboid


grabs the party popper and it goes pop and the party is over for the graboid.

It explodes like Jaws.
They try to get the last graboid the same way, but it's too smart.

See. It was injured by the heroes and that makes it uber smart.
Bacon sends a party popper, but the graboid is a party pooper and spits it back at them.

It doesn't appreciate gifts like it's a 16 year old debutante.
The party popper lands into the bag with all the other party poppers and it's like the LAPD trying to handle fireworks.

It doesn't end well.
We also see Bacon and Earl had run out with Rhonda into the desert and even Burt is confused by this.

The others make noise, but the graboid decides to just bluff it.


I understand this graboid. I do, too.
Earl tries to walk, but Bacon stops him.

He knows the last graboid is always the smartest.

Bacon and Earl argue about what to do in whispers.
Everyone wants Bacon to use the party popper to scare it away.

He has an idea, though.


Also. He remembers he's hungry for beef.

"I GOT A GOD DAMN PLAN' still makes me laugh every time.
They run towards the cliff edge and Bacon takes the lighter.

He tells the others to scatter after making the party popper timer short.

The graboid charges Bacon and he dodges that shit at the last second.

"Can you fly you sucker" is still cool.
The graboid flings itself off the cliff and eats all the shit in the world as its asshole comes out of its mouth.
We then get the stampede line coming back to us.

I love this movie.
We cut to the next day and things are better. The police are there trying to find someone to blame.

We also see Bacon and Earl getting ready to leave.

Rhonda is going to stay to research because...yeah. You'd make a killing on this.
Bacon and Rhonda flirt a bit.

Earl likes to watch.

As Rhonda walks away, she smells something. It's the Bacon.

He comes up and lays a kiss on her.

Good thing she wanted it because...uh. Yeah.

Turns out Rhonda, in the future, will bring home the bacon [for Thanksgiving]
And that's Tremors. One of the best creature features in movie history.

It's damn near a perfect creature feature film with tons of set up, pay offs, great acting, great writing, and a great concept.

I love this movie.

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