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The Breakdown

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21 Sep, 50 tweets, 44 min read

Time for another another honest live tweeting!

We’re expecting this one to be a bit longer…

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“Shortly” they said…

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Kenney in tha house!

“I made some changes, Tyler did a great job, knocked it out of the park! Tyler got lemons and made lemonade! He resigned because reasons”.

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Kenney - “Copping is gonna crush this tho. Shandy is gonna stay on with Labour and Immigration. We’ve still got a healthcare system to destroy and who knows it better than him?”

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Kenney - “Last week I told you all we had things we needed to do. We released our vaccination program. It’s not a passport, friggin Doug.”

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Kenney - “Mysteriously, the measure that everyone said would work did. Way better than bribes. Super weird. But the REP program is awesome, and that just includes the people that we know have signed up, not the ones who made their own”

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Kenney - “ICU Capacity is at 87% with surge, 169% of baseline. We’re asking other provinces for their help, so if we don’t get it whatever happens will totes be their fault.”

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Kenney - “We reached out to the Feds. Ric says it’s because we didn’t know who to talk to at the federal level. We’re super good at our jobs yo.”

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Kenney - “We’re expanding the groups of immunocompromised to catch up to the rest of the country. Third doses! So look, we did a thing!”

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Kenney - “I have to say congrats to Trudeau now, but I’m really gonna emphasize the minority part. I’ve got a majority! Mines bigger! I measured!”

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Kenney - “Fair deal! We’re gonna have a referendum! I’m going back to the classics cause I know the knives are out”

Kicks it to Copping. Almost forgot though. Totes inspiring.

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Copping - “I’m deeply committed. Shandy did a great job though. Knocked it out of the park! I’m gonna increase capacity, I’m gonna get more people vaccinated, and I’m going to ambiguously prepare our health system to do better!”

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Copping - “Hey you guys, if you aren’t vaccinated, talk to a health professional. Er. Not the crazy ones at the rallies though. Crap.”

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Copping - “Peace out ya’ll. It’s drinks at the sky palace after this!”

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Hinshaw - “We released some confusing messaging on youth sport. But youth should be able to sports as well. Also, masking is mandatory indoors everywhere, even if businesses are doing REP.”

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Hinshaw - “About 1500 new cases. Positivity 11.1%. 2011 new VOC. 996 people in hospital, 220 in ICU. 29 new deaths in 24 hours.”

29 people have died & they’re not doing anything but rearranging the deck chairs/a small expansion to 3rd doses.

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Hinshaw - “Some people will get 3rd doses, some won’t. Don’t think about the 29 dead people in 24 hours. We just got the morgues back under control…”

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Hinshaw - “We let this thing go totally off the rails and now a variant is kicking our asses and vaccines aren’t nearly as effective. We’ll adapt. We just won’t do anything of substance.”

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Hinshaw - “No vaccines for kids yet, but we’re talking about the subject, so BEST FALL EVAH!!!”

Or something.

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Hinshaw - The best protections for kids is vaccinations, not more protections or supports in schools. Definitely not an online option. Nope nope nope.”

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Questions!!!!

For Premier - “Did you ask for Shandys resignation?”

Kenney - “He offered it, we both agreed that the time is right”

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Question - “Does Ric really not know that the government doesn’t shut down during an election?”

Kenney - “Wait, what? Government still does stuff? We don’t actually need the feds anyways. We’re doing well now.”

29 deaths in 24 hours.

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Kenney - “The military can’t help anyways. They have no nurses or docs they can lend us. We don’t need PCA’s, we need nurses and docs, but we don’t need them right now.”

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Question - “Why is Shandy leaving? Why now, what made it happen today?”

Kenney - “He resigned. We agreed. Tyler was chased and assaulted, anti-vaxxers are crazy yo, that’s why we gave them easily forgeable documents, get them to calm down.”

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Question - “Yeah, but why now? Is this to appease the UCP and save your skin?”

Kenney - “We’re focused on the 4th wave, not on politics, that’s why we waited until the day after the federal election.”

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Question - “Where did you vacation this summer, what countries?”

Kenney - “What I do with my private time is private. No of your business if I was even in Alberta or not.”

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Question - “Are you going to expand private health care in Alberta?”

Kenney - “Oh yeah, totes, we’ve been looking forward to that for a while”.

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Kenney - “The NDP though, they’re bad. I haven’t said that in a while, and I don’t want things to get political, but I’m gonna bring them up and man they suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!”

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Rick THE DINGER Bell is up!

“You having a caucus meeting? Leadership review? Non-confidence? What’s up? How you feeling?”

Kenney - “Reports about my leadership failings aren’t new.”

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Kenney - “We’re trying to appease the base without appeasing the base. 8% voted for the PPC. Those are my old voters. Look leadership is hard, and I can’t be blamed that bad followers don’t want to follow me anymore”.

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Question - “Do you think that there’s a serious threat to your leadership because you’ve done such a bad job?”

Kenney - “Look, the people elected me. Because democracy. We have a majority. It’s better than Trudeau.”

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Kenney - “Let’s not make politics political”

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And True North gets a question?!?

“Western alienation is a thing. You gonna stoke those fires with your referendum?”

Kenney - “Oh hell yeah, I need whatever distractions I can get right now.

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Kenney she going back to the greatest hits on equalization.

And then stumbles into word salad.

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Question - Why aren’t you inviting a review? Why aren’t you going after your enemies?

Kenney. - Well Shandy is gone-ish.

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Kenney - “It would be super irresponsible to be focused on anything other than COVID especially since Stampede is over now.”

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Question - Calls for resignation are getting louder, how long can you hang on?

AND HE REJECTS THE PREMISE OF THE QUESTION!!!

DRINK!

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With an “In due course”!

DOUBLE DRINK!

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Kenney - The vast majority of the opposition we’ve been experiencing has been against greater restrictions. Yeah, sure 75% of Albertans were for a passport, but those aren’t my Albertans.

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Question - Reject the premise, but I want an answer.

Kenney - “I got a majority, it’s bigger than Trudeau’s! Why are you measuring?!? I measured! Look I created a party and staffed it with the hyper polarized and now they’re angry.”

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Kenney - “Sometime I even listen! But we have the best cabinet in all of Canada! Yeah Moe, I’m looking at you.”

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Questions in French now…

We uh.

We don’t do well in French.

So here’s a cute puppy.

Another question in French.

Kitten then?

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Question - Why now for this shuffle? Isn’t the timing kinda bad? What sort of health background does Copping have?

Kenney - “Copping is a quick study, he does EXACTLY what I tell him to. This will be fine.”

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Question - Cases are going up in kids, gonna do anything about that?

Hinshaw - “We’re concerned. We will remain concerned. Kids aren’t like actually dying though, so we’re just gonna let this rip. And remind you all to get vaccinated. And stay home without any supports.”

Question - “You say that it’s people against common sense measures in your caucus but you were against passports, can you square that circle?”

Kenney - “Look I was going to copy the US and then you all got angry. What do you want from me here, evidence based decision making?”

Kenney - “There are great points against restrictions. Opiates! Mental Health! But you guys keep saying we can’t let things get overwhelmed, and Stampede is over, so whatever I guess.”

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Kenney - “Look if you just look at the math, we’re doing badly right now. I know I’ve alienated people against vaccines and public health measures, so I have to bring them back.”

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Question - If you say a change was needed with Shandy, why aren’t you listening to all the calls to swap yourself out?

Kenney - “People shouldn’t bow down to politics. We shouldn’t be making changes during a crisis, unless it’s not me. Shandy, whatever”

#abpoli #ableg #cdnpoli