It was the first day at medical school and all the students gathered around a corpse in a lab next to the professor.
The professor said, "There are two important lessons every person hoping to be a doctor should learn. The first lesson is you should never feel disgusted about the human body."
He proceeded to insert his finger into the cadaver's butt and then put his finger into his mouth and sucked it clean. The room echoed with barely suppressed reflex gags, loud hacks, groans and one belch.
The professor continued, "As I said, none of you should feel disgusted about this, so I want each and every one of you to proceed and do the same". Everyone was hesitant at first but took turns to repeat what the professor did.
Most gagged or snorted and a few puked, but in the end, everyone had done it. When they all recovered and were back in their seats they looked at the professor, wondering what was next.
The professor said, "The second lesson is a doctor must be very observant. None of you noticed, but I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's butt, but sucked on my index finger".

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More from @RCdeWinter

1 Oct
One night when a guy was watching #FauxNews he learned about a new virus that was rapidly spreading and quickly killing those who contracted it.
The nightly news reports got worse and worse, the #Covid19 virus was spreading around the world and killing increasingly large numbers of people. But he wasn’t concerned, he knew he’d be OK because he prayed to God nightly and knew God would protect him.
Not long after a spokesman who worked for the administration and other scientific and medical sources started saying people should wear masks to filter out the virus when they were in public or even in private gatherings with others. Wearing a mask could save you, they said.
Read 12 tweets
1 Oct
When #PresidentBoneSpurs was still occupying the White House the AMA American Medical Association weighed in on his #Coronavirus strategy.
Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The gastroenterologists had sort of a bad gut feeling about it, the neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve and the obstetricians were certain #Drumpf was laboring under a misconception.
Ophthalmologists considered the ideas shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body, pediatricians said, “Oh, grow up!” and psychiatrists thought the whole thing was madness.
Read 6 tweets
1 Oct
The British Army found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.
They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of £72,000.
Read 8 tweets
1 Oct
An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a healing center. He put a sign outside the clinic: "A cure for your ailment guaranteed for $500. We’ll pay you $1,000 if we fail."
A doctor walking by thought this was a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and went in.
Doctor: I’ve lost my sense of taste.
Engineer: Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth
She did and the doctor gasped “This is gasoline!”
Engineer: Congratulations! You can taste again. That will be $500.
The doctor forked over the money and stomped out of the clinic.
Read 8 tweets
1 Oct
Larry went to the doctor for a checkup and afterward the doctor said, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”
Larry replied, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”
“Well,” replied the doctor, “that’s very interesting. Just keep on doing what you’re doing and you should be fine.”
after Larry left the doctor called his wife & said, “Bonnie, Larry’s checkup was really pretty good. But I am a little concerned about one thing.”
Read 4 tweets
30 Sep
The Pope became very ill and was taken to many doctors, none of whom could figure out exactly what the matter was and how to cure him
Finally, he was brought to a very old physician. After about an hour’s examination he came out and told the cardinals he had some good news and some bad news.
The bad news was that the Pope had a rare disorder of the testicles. The good news was that all the Pope had to do to be cured was have sex.

Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length.
Read 6 tweets

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