Thread by @Soundsaboutrig4

There was a time that @Soundsaboutleft and I were trapped in a room by a madman who forced us to play such evil games as Red Rover and Saw Your God Damn Leg Off.

We escaped from it and told our story to the police...who chased us off with rubber mallets and tea cozies.

Saw stars the always awesome @Cary_Elwes, the brilliant and talented @MichaelEmerson, the never too old for this shit Danny Glover, the cool as hell Ken Leung, the wonderful Monica Potter, and the Horror Icon @officialtobin.

As well as other fantastically talented people.

I really dig this movie. I remember seeing it in the theaters and it was unique and fun. It spawned a bunch of rip offs I wasn't really a fan of and the sequels kinda lost their way, but I LOVE this movie.

Simple and fascinating.

But my love of this won't keep me from doing my usually "jab it in the eye with a stick of fan devotion" that I do so poorly.

So...

The movie starts out with an anglerfish annoying some unconscious dude.

We see the light part of the anglerfish rip off and go down a drain to be with its family in fish hell.

Some dude throws himself out of a bathtub and realizes very quickly he is chained to a wall. He calls out for help using a high pitch voice that is about 8 octaves lower than my shriek if I was in the same situation.

He calls for help and Carey Elwes is like "There's no point in yelling, idiot. We're fucked."

Carey Elwes finds the light switch and the random dude realizes he needs to cut back on drinking.

Also...why didn't Carey turn on the light before that? Courtesy for the unconscious guy in the tub?

They also notice a dead body between them with a tape recorder and a pew pew.

It smells like swamp ass and chains in there.

The random guy is Adam and he's not freaking out anywhere near where I was.

I'd just be screaming "I WANT CHEESECAKE!!!!" at the top of my lungs. Which is nonsense because I fucking hate cheesecake.

And, no, I don't care if you like it.

Carey asks Adam what his name is. Adam says "My name is very fucking confused here."

Uh...that's...that's not your name.

Adam keep trying to pull at the chain like a trapped anim...OHHHHH.

They begin to chat about wtf is going on. Ya know. What's going on. How did you end up here. Are we going to be butchered and fed to pigs??

Adam talks about how he's never seen a body before. Carey is like "I once followed railroad tracks with my friends and poked a dead body of a kid before fighting off Kiefer Sutherland."

Adam checks on his kidneys, but Carey is like "LOL. If you had your kidney removed, you'd be in god damn agony."

We find out Carey is a surgeon. A sexy surgeon.

Finally Adam tells his name...oh and they talk about how they both have no fucking clue how they go there or who did it.

Carey rightly points out "If they wanted us dead...we'd be dead."

He's right. When Left and I got trapped, they wanted us to pack boxes that'd get shipped off to ungrateful pricks who paid for the privilege for 2 day shipping.

I see their ads even today. $15/hr my ass!!!

Carey then goes "That's a new clock...I know this because I'm a clock surgeon."

And he points out that the bad person wants them to know the time.

I mean he's a killer, not a monster. Time isolation is just evil.

Adam then notices he has a letter in his back pocket and a tape.

A tiny, tiny tape.

Carey rummages his pockets and finds his own.

Both tiny, tiny tapes say "Play me" and carey even gets a pew pew pellet and a key.

Oh, man. Bet that key doesn't fit your chains.

Adam is like "now toss me the rock...err...key"

And he tries his and, of course, it doesn't fit.

Like they'd make it that easy.

When Left and I were trapped, the person who did it was PISSED we just sat there farting and talking about NES games.

He finally yelled at us "PLAY THE GOD DAMN TAPE, ASSHOLES!!"

They then realize they can use the tape player. It's just out of reach and they have to devise a way to get it.

Hahaha...imagine if they're idiots and don't figure out how to lasso that shit?

Jigsaw would be sooooo pissssseedddd.

They finally play the tape after getting the player.

It's Jigsaw going "Hey...hey...I got a cool as fuck voice. Oh, right. And you were an antisocial photographer, so I'm going to torture you to death because I'm a total piece of shit. I get my rocks off like that."

Carey asks Adam to toss him the player. Adam wants the tape.

Adam, rightly, points out that the player is 100 times more likely to explode if Adam fucks up the catch.

Adam plays Carey's tape and we hear "Carey, you sexy beast, you have helped thousands of people. How fucking dare you??? You save people and tell others that their family died. You have to kill Adam or like...you have to eat enchiladas."

We find out that if Carey doesn't gank Adam by 6pm, he's going to gank Carey's family and leave him in there.

People LOVEEEE to talk about how Jigsaw is some kind of different killer because people make choices and he blah blah blah.

Bullshit. Jigsaw is a POS who finds dumb reasons to torture and murder people.

Adam has got to be pissed.

"Oh...my game is to...what? WHAT, JIGSAW? JERK OFF IN A FUCKING CORNER??? HOPE THIS PIECE OF SHIT DOESN'T KILL ME???"

Also, there's a hidden message in the tape that says "follow your heart."

Aww...jigsaw is in love!!!

Actually, it's a clue that the poop heart drawn on the toilet filled with poop has something in it.

Poor Adam has to shove his hands in shit...and there's nothing there.

Jigsaw is a troll.

Turns out that the upper decker has a black bag.

Inside of it is a series of sex toys.

Jigsaw goes "Oh, shit. Uh...my bad. Uhhh...the real package is in the corner."

Jigsaw then comes in and awkwardly grabs his dong collection.

Inside this package is a couple saws.

They, of course, won't work on the chains/locks.

They're bone saws.

Adam breaks his saw and is pissed.

"I'm just going to jerk off and hope you don't kill me by throwing your saw...HOLY SHIT THAT'S WHY THIS MOVIE IS CALLED SAW!!!!"

Carey realizes the saw is for their legs.

And Carey is like "I know who did this...RED HERRING!! I mean...the jigsaw killer."

We go back in time and find out that this isn't Jigsaw's first rodeo.

We see detectives looking at a body that's from a WWI reenactment.

We know this because they're caught up in barbwire.

Oh, man. That'd been another good name for this movie.

Man...that death would have suckeeeed.

We find out that the dude was rushing through an obstacle course of pain.

The detectives play a tape and Jigsaw is like "You hurt yourself last month. Instead of hoping you get proper mental healthcare, I'm going to torture you to death. Yeah...people legit think I'm anything but a POS because I give you the choice of death or death."

Detective Tapp notices a jigsaw piece cut out of the dude.

Detective Tapp is like "LOL. This is like that one dude Buffalo Bob who later became a san francisco detective."

We find out 2 things.

1) He's a serial killer
2) People think that he's not a "killer" because he puts people into a situation where they can do nothing and die or do something and die.

WHAT? WHAT KIND OF DONKEY BRAIN LOGIC IS THAT???

We see another scene.

A burnt body with walls covered in numbers. This guy's sin was...workers comp fraud????

Seriously, Jigsaw? Why not gank people who ...

*shakes head*

I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed.

This dude woke up ALREADY POISONED AND THEREFORE WILL DIE DUE TO JIGSAW YOU DONKEY BRAINED PEOPLE!

He's covered in a flammable gel and has to use a candle to find a number to open a safe with the antidote.

BUT JIGSAW DOESN'T KILL PEOPLEEEEEEEE

HURRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I love this movie, but it's obnoxious people don't treat this as anything but a serial killer who murders people no matter what they do.

Only a lucky few make it. Hell, they don't even pretend in the later movies.

This poor idiot has to walk on god damn broken glass without his shoes and tries hundreds of combos before he gets burned up.

Jigsaw...you're kinda just a piece of shit.

And we find out that Jigsaw had a hole in the wall so he could Porky's the show.

Also, at a previous crime scene...there was a pinlight.

Why...why didn't you bring that up at the previous crime scene??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

We cut to Dr. Carey talking about a patient to students in front of the patient.

Michael Emerson walks in and says "Hi. I'm Red Herring. That over there is Tobin Bell. PEACE BITCHESSSSS!!!"

No, seriously, this movie has a damn good misdirect.

We find out that Carey is heartless and doesn't care about the patient only fixing the patient.

Uh. I'm fine with this. If I have to choose between a POS doc who cures me and a nice doc who doesn't? Act like I'm a Gen Z and give me that asshole.

Isn't that what you damn kids these days do?

I don't know.

I'm confused by 8 track.

Oh, and the detectives found Carey's prints on the pinlight and want to ask him some questions.

Carey asks suspicious as FUCKKKK around the detectives because...uh.

The script asked for him to do that?

They go downtown and Carey is interrogated about the pinlight and how it has...

HIS PATIENT TOBIN BELL GRABBED IT, DAMMIT!

We find out that Carey is cagey because he's having an affair.

Oh, and his lawyer is Aceveda from The Shield!

The detectives check his alibi and it holds up.

We then get to hear the testimony of a victim who survived who suffers from the worst case of Stockholm Syndrome in history we find out in later movies when they need a twist ending.

This is Amanda. Her sin was..being a drug addict????

Seriously, Jigsaw. You're preying upon the most vulnerable people in society.

Why do people think you're somehow moral or some shit?????

Amanda wakes up with a beartrap device on her head.

Man...nightmare fuel!!!

We hear a voice going "JIGSAW DOESN'T TECHNICALLY KILL THESE PEOPLE EVEN THOUGH HER GOD DAMN HEAD WILL EXPLODE IF SHE DOES NOTHING!!!"

We then see a video of Jigsaw (the coolest doll ever).

Uh. Why didn't Carey and Adam get the tv treatment? Huh. Are they not good enough??????

Man, the use of the jigsaw doll is so freaking cool and makes him one of the best horror icons in movie history.

Oh, and Amanda has to find the key...inside the stomach of a dead body in the room.

We get a really, really cool shot of her escaping the chair. She gets out and the timer begins.

Hahaha. This is really well shot. I freaking love the cinem...the....the pretty shooting of the scene.

Amanda sees the body and she goes over. As she's about to cut open a dude with a question mark on his stomach...he wakes up.

THIS RIGHT HERE PROVES JIGSAW HAS NO MORALITY OR ANYTHING BESIDES GETTING OFF ON MURDERING PEOPLE.

The fucking dude is alive. Where was his god damn choice, Jigsaw?

WHERE WAS HIS CHOICE THAT YOU CLAIM EVERYONE HAS??????!!!!!!!!!

So take your fucking "Jigsaw gives them a choice" and shove it.

It's absolute bullshit and that dude proves it. He was put there and got no jigsaw tv, no message, no choice...no chance.

Amanda ganks the guy and takes the beartrap off.

I mean...I get it. It was her or him.

Jigsaw then comes riding in on his little bike and is like "LOL. You're still alive. That dude isn't because I didn't give him a chance. LOL. People will claim I'm different. What bullshit."

Can I just stop right here and talk for a second about the idea of Tobin Bell putting together this little animatronic and setting it on a tricycle and ...it's too fucking funny.

Anyway. Back to Amanda. Tapp is all judgmental on her drug addiction as she's just mentally breaking down.

We hear her whisper "I'm going to be in the twist in future movies. So is Carey. Yeah...is convoluted as hell. And we'll reuse that beartrap thing soooo many times!!"

Tapp is all like "Are you grateful?"

She's like "He helped me...by making me kill some innocent guy."

Man...this is the most extreme version of rehab I've seen.

We cut back to the present and...they're still stuck in that room.

Adam asks if he's sure it's him.

"Uh...of course, idiot."

Adam thinks that Carey is Jigsaw.

Adam pulls up a piece of glass and sees that the mirror is a 2 way mirror.

He starts to throw stones in glass house...errr...

We see there's a video camera watching them.

It's some crappy B&W with fish eye.

Michael Emerson waves at the screen and...with what we know later...this makes no sense.

Carey tells ADam to give up "He has thought about this from every angle."

Uh, Left and I did some things that Jigsaw didn't expect.

Mostly it was pissing on him as he lay on the floor.

He stood up and went "NOT COOL, GUYS!!!"

Then he kicked us out.

We flashback to Carey talking to his kid.

Adam is like "I DON'T NEED TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR KID. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KILL ME SO YOU CAN SAVE HER, ASSHOLE!!"

The kid goes downstairs and is like "Jigsaw is in my closet being creepy as hell. Get Carey to check on it."

Carey is a workaholic.

Oh, man. A surgeon trying to make sure his patients are cured?

What a god damn monster!!!

Carey then bonds with his daughter over a bad dream and we see Carey grab her foot and IT'S LIKE HIM BEING STUCK IN THE ROOM WITH HIS FOOT CHAINED!!!

Then Carey gets beeped.

Man...beepers.

Carey has to go to work and his daughter is mad.

"Dad. Why don't you just let people die? I need you to be here while I sleep."

She then asks if he's going to leave them.

He's like "Uh...I'm only having an affair. Only if your mother divorces me when she finds me will that happen....and it'll be your fault!!!"

Like this movie does like to red herring the dick out of people for the audience only.

It doesn't make sense in terms of people.

Carey is then like "Wanna see a photo, Adam? It'll make it easier for when I have to murder you to save her."

Carey tosses his wallet and Adam immediately robs his ass.

Adam then gets up and leaves.

Turns out this was all a ruse to get his wallet.

Carey is then like "There's a photo of my wife in there."

Adam finds a random photo in the wallet. On the back it's liek "X MARKS THE SPOT, ASSHOLES!! TURN OFF THE FUCKING LIGHT!"

Adam throws back the wallet, but keeps the creepy photo.

Adam then just stares at it because he has a binding kink.

We cut back to Carey's dissolving marriage.

His wife is like "Go to your job where you save people. How dare you!!"

We then see Michael coming out of the closet.

Based off what we know later....this whole thing doe...

*sighs*

Whatever.

I should call him Zep. Zep is being weird as hell.

Oh, and he's an orderly at Carey's work.

More like a disorderly...right?

Can I just call Zep Red Herring?

I mean he does do stuff, but he's...

Patsy. Patsy would be better.

Patsy is all kinds of creepy to Carey's family.

We then see Detective Tapp watching Patsy and...why...what?

Why wouldn't you go over to save the family?

Oh, you think Carey is Jigsaw.

So the weird guy who breaks into the doctor's house and has taken his family isn't a red flag to you???

You suck Detective Tapp!!!!

Yeah. Detective Tapp thinks that Carey is Jigsaw.

So Jigsaw can build elaborate scenes and leaves no evidence EXCEPT A FINGERPRINT YOU COULD EASILY TRACE BACK TO HIM!!!

We see Tapp spiraling into madness because he let Carey go.

Tapp, inexplicably, thinks Carey is Jigsaw.

Tapp then makes some social commentary about the wealthy and...ya got me there.

We see Tapp watching the tapes over and over again.

He's like the JFK movie.

"BACK AND TO THE LEFT!!"

Tapp's partner, Detective Sing, thinks he's losing it.

Sing is right.

Tapp then notices a detail in the video tape.

It's a receipt that says "DR. CAREY AND I AM JIGSAW. THIS ISN'T A RED HERRING!"

Tapp sees some tagging that tells him a rough area and sounds of a fire alarm.

They find that the spot is a mannequin factory.

Tapp goes to ..uh...break the civil rights of anyone in that building by not getting a warrant.

You know what's a good idea to do when the person you're going after is known as a mechanical genius who builds elaborate traps and thinks about stuff from every possible angle?

Barge right the fuck in without backup.

This will go as well as you think.

You know moments like this and the other things Carey and Adam solve really make me wonder how pissed Jigsaw would be if he put in all this effort to make this shit subtle and they never found it.

Like I'm a total moron and would have missed every clue.

Tapp goes inside of Jigsaw's puzzle box and finds elaborate shadowboxes of the various crime scenes and the puppet.

The puppet goes "I'm better than that asshole in goosebumps!"

Under one of the sheets is a man.

A man WHO HAS NO CHOICES OR CHANCE TO SURVIVE BECAUSE JIGSAW IS FULL OF SHIT!

Before they can decide on letting the guy go, Jigsaw comes back.

Dude likes to wear his little robe everywhere like he's a boxer.

Tobin is like "I've given your life purpose. You're a test subject because I totally give people options and shit."

Tobin hits a switch and gives them an option to save the dude or get Jigsaw.

Jigsaw is like "one key will unlock it. Let's play a game. Game over. Other phrases THAT WE'LL OVERUSE IN EVERY SUBSEQUENT MOVIE LIKE THE BULLET TIME SHIT IN THE MATRIX SEQUELS!!"

Just fucking shoot Jigsaw.

No. Seriously. Shoot Jigsaw in the dick and then rescue the dude in the trap.

Trapp calls him sick and Jigsaw whines about being sick.

"I'm sick of the disease eating my asshole. I'm sick of people who whine about...ah...shit. I guess I'm sick with myself. You know...I never really self-reflected like..."

Tapp is distracted by the whining, so Jigsaw is able to Assassin's Creed him across the throat with a sleeve blade.

I guess Tapp is gonna...tap out.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

SHOOT JIGSAW IN THE DICK!!

Sing doesn't, though, and goes to save Tapp.

No. Wait. He's going to let Tapp bleed out and gives chase after the mechanical genius into his lair thru an escape route he 100% rigged with boobytraps.

This whole series would have ended with a dick shot...

Sing sees Jigsaw come out of a room he couldn't have followed him to. He shotguns him from like 200 feet away and Jigsaw apparently falls from exhaustion because no way that would have worked.

Sing then ignores the obvious tripwire and gets got.

YOU KNOW THIS MAN IS A GOD DAMN MECHANICAL GENIUS AND YOU DON'T CHECK FOR BOOBYTRAPS?

Tapp stumbles downstairs while bleeding out to see his partner bled out.

Jigsaw is overheard screaming "GAME OVER, ASSHOLES!!"

We cut back to Tapp having a breakdown.

He thinks Carey did it even though...okay. I guess it's fair.

He's just unstable and can't handle the guilt of not dick shotting Jigsaw when he had the chance.

Adam and Carey have a lover's quarrel.

I mean it's not like Adam would be pissed because Carey's entire job is to murder Adam!!!

If I was Adam...I'd just finger blast my bhole and just let it hit 6pm.

Instead Adam helps out by having Carey turn off the light so they could see the X marks the spot on pirate treasure.

Carey breaks into the wall with the SAWWWWWWW and finds a box filled with condoms.

Jigsaw screams "SHIT, THAT'S WHERE THOSE WENT!"

He gets up again from the floor and hands Carey a different box.

The box is locked and Carey gets Adam to toss back the key from before.

Inside this box is more condoms.

Jigsaw screams and is like "ARE YOU KIDDING ME???"

He grabs that box and throws a cell phone at Carey. That and some smokes.

Adam is such a fiend that he demands the cigarette.

Carey, rightly, calls him out. "Idiot...you are going to smoke something that the god damn serial killer gave us???"

We hear Jigsaw giggling as he lays on the floor.

Carey also finds a note.

We hear Jigsaw on the ground reading the note out.

Carey goes "GOD DAMMIT, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!"

The note says "You need to gank Adam...lol. Here's some smokes and a *wink wink* way to do it with the smokes."

Carey uses the phone, but it can only receive calls.

Carey then has a flashback from the night before.

He's going to get his car in the scariest god damn warehouse in history.

Apparently all doctors drive 80s cars that are beat to shit inside of a low budget...oh..that's why. Low budget.

Carey gets his photo taken and then gets into his car.

He has to get out to...make a call?

Why is he making...is it because it's locked because it's so late?

We see someone get out of his backseat.

THIS IS WHY YOU ALWAYS CHECK YOUR BACKSEAT!!!!!

I would have glanced in and seen Jigsaw and been like "Hey, asshole. I'm not going to get into that car with you."

We see Bacon crawling around before it attacks him.

Carey then asks Adam how he knew to turn off the lights.

Carey doesn't believe his shit because Adam is a terrible liar and...a pretty meh actor (no offense...you're a pretty good writer, though!)

Adam reveals that he took the ransom photo of his family.

Carey is like "Holy crap...I have to gank you now."

Jigsaw then starts to scream "USE THE GOD DAMN BLOOD, IDIOT!!"

Carey dips the smoke in blood and is like

*yawn, grab, turns off light*

Carey then whispers to Adam "Let's play a game."

See what I did there????

Patsy freaks out because Jigsaw never installed night vision because...he wanted to screw with Patsy?

Carey is then all like "Hey, cool dude. Want that cigarette. The one I totally dipped in blood and...wait. Wouldn't you notice the blood on the cigarette and not smoke it???"

Adam and Carey pretend and Adam smokes the cigarette.

The one not in blood.

Adam then does the worst "I've been poisoned" in cinematic history.

Which I know is him acting like he's poisoned, but holy shit. Jigsaw lying on the ground has to be going "WTF. That's terrible acting."

Jigsaw shocks Adam and Adam is such a bad actor he's like "Ouchy!"

They both then panic at the disc...errr...abandoned warehouse bathroom.

Apparently the shock was just enough to make Adam remember the night before.

He goes into his crappy apartment and goes into his red light room and.

Dude. That place 100% is killing you with black mold and asbestos.

Holy shit. If Jigsaw didn't get you, mesothelioma would have.

Adam wakes up in his photo developing area.

He can't turn the red light on. Roxanne is left absolutely confused by this.

ROXXXAANNEEEEEEEEEEE

Adam stumbles through his apartment and uses a camera to light the way.

I did that once when making a sandwich during a blackout.

Adam is freaked by a Jigsaw doll that he beats with a bat.

Uh...if I found a doll that I knew wasn't mine in my house that had just blacked out?

I'd be running the fuck out of my place.

And I know enough about where shit is that I can move thru my place in the dark.

Adam, though, gets got by Bacon.

Carey realizes time is running out when the phone rings.

He does that thing where he doesn't answer to like teh 239829 ring.

On the line is his family.

Man. Jigsaw is a sick fuck.

Hey, Jigsaw. Where's Carey's family's chance at redemption or whatever, asshole?

Yeah. I'm calling you out, dick.

Zep makes his wife ask if Adam is there.

Carey is like "How do you know? You're upset and for some reason you know the number of this Jigsaw phone. What is going on there??"

Oh and we find out that Adam is a LIARRRRRRRR!!!

Man, Jigsaw is starting drama.

Carey is like "My wife said you're a big, fat liar liar pants on fire. You've been watching me. You're like that other Police song "Every breath you take!"

Adam is like "You said you went to a hospital last night. Liar. You were busy getting your photo taken in the parking lot. That was me. I did it after the pigman got into your back seat. Also...how did you not see me taking your photo???? Do...do you not have object permanence?"

We find out Adam has been stalking Carey because he...cheats on his wife.

Is this blackmail?

Adam mumbles about the truth of photos or some shit.

Adam then is like "What did you do in that motel. You left fast."

Hahaha...hell of a way to say he suffers from premature ejaculation.

Carey goes into this room and then...leaves immediately.

Though, not before a phone call.

It's Jigsaw laughing "LOL. You're a minuteman!!"

The call is for Carey.

It says "7 days! Also...I know you have sex with women who aren't your wife. I'm basically a Puritan."

So far Jigsaw has taken out an emotionally unstable person, a drug addict, a workers comp fraudster, a doctor who cheats on his wife, and a photographer who does contract work.

Man. You really are just the worst, Jigsaw.

We find out that Adam was paid by Bob.

Way to take photos for someone who paid you...most people would assume that it was from a private detective hired by Carey's wife for a divorce.

Oh. Turns out that Bob is Detective Tapp.

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN.

Jigsaw just hates poor people and people who help others.

BUT HE HAS MORALS!!!!

Carey realizes it's Detective Tapp.

Tapp has been harassing Carey for months now.

Phone calls that say "7 days until I shit on your lawn again!!"

Carey has a mental breakdown.

He stares at teh photo of his tied up family and is like "I wonder if my wife would be into some shit."

We cut to Patsy gagging the wife again.

Why does that matter? They've not once yelled for help.

And even if they did? Who would listen?

If I heard my neighbors yelling, I'd just turn my music up.

Uh...don't come to me for help, but I expect everyone to help me.

Adam then realizes that some of the photos he took (Jigsaw left them in the toilet with the saws).

It's a photo of someone in Carey's house.

It's hard to tell since he's mooning them.

Actually, it's Patsy.

Patsy says this and we see Patsy freaking out a bit that he's been called out.

Adam points to the clock as it turns to 6.

Man...maybe you shouldn't have been wasting time on reminiscing about shit.

Maybe, I don't know, find a way out?

Maybe shit on the corpse in the middle of the room to wake Jigsaw.

Patsy comes upstairs to gank the family. The wife, I should say, had untied herself.

Patsy does a tiny monologue and then takes out the phone to call Carey.

Carey picks up.

He's like "Is that you, Patsy? I know it's you. You betrayed me, Fredo."

It's his wife going "Carey, you failed" and then she jumps on Patsy.

Patsy immediately curls into a ball because a woman is talking to him.

His wife asks where he is.

He's like "I'm stuck in a bathroom with Jigsaw lying on the ground the whole time."

The daughter distracts the mom and Patsy jumps at her.

Meanwhile, Tapp hears the pew pews and goes to rescue them

Well, not before downing whiskey and screaming "CAREY MELTS STEEL BEAMS!!"

We get a fight b/w Patsy and the wife before Tapp comes in and starts a shoot out.

Meanwhile, Carey hears all of this on his flip phone.

Tapp shoots all his bullets and is confused that bullets run out in a movie. He goes "what the fuck" and then charges Patsy and they struggle.

Patsy comes out and calls out for Carey's wife. "I promise not to shoot you if you don't talk to me. Also, I'm going to hit a button and gank your husband...or something."

This whole red herring/patsy thing is a bit weird.

Anyway, Jigsaw shocks Carey from his prone position because he's just that cool.

Adam is freaking out "Wake up person whose entire job is to murder me. Wakeup!!"

So he tosses stones near him.

Adam is like "I thought you were dead."

Uh...you were shocked earlier and you didn't die.

Why would you think...who cares.

Meanwhile, Patsy has driven to the location with Tapp in pursuit.

Carey gets another call, but the phone is just out of reach.

We cut to Tapp stalking Patsy.

Carey uses the box of condoms to get the phone, but fails.

Maybe use the thing you used to get the tape player, slick.

Lots of cutting b/w Patsy/Tapp fighting and Carey crying as he can't reach the phone.

Carey breaks down because he hates cell phone ringers.

He tries to rip his leg off, but...that's not gonna work ya silly goose.

Carey finally remembers he has a shirt and...uses it to tie around his leg instead of using it to retrieve the phone.

That...that makes sense.

Carey then saws his own leg off and that wouldn't be possible.

He'd go into shock and pass the fuck out before he got halfway through.

Tapp and Patsy continue to fight as Carey cuts into his leg.

Man...I love the cutting b/w the 2 things.

Hilarious shit.

Carey has successfully cut his foot off and then goes over to pick up the phone to order Chinese food.

Meanwhile, Patsy has shot Tapp.

Carey goes to get the gun and puts the pew pew pellet into the pew pew.

Adam is like "DON'T SHOOT, ASSHOLE!"

Now, Adam is watching a dude bleeding to death and, instead of running and ducking and bobbing, he just stands there and gets shot.

Carey is like "I did it. Show me my family...also this white makeup makes me look like I was in Dawn of the Dead."

The door opens and it's Patsy.

Carey drags himself around all bloody as fuck and trying to pew pew with an empty chamber and it's hilarious.

Patsy kicks Adam's body and points the gun at Carey.

Turns out Adam was alive and he attacks Patsy.

They struggle.

Adam then proceeds to beat Patsy to death with a toilet cover.

Hahahaha...awesome. So awesome.

Carey goes up to ADam and is like "You're going to be alright. I'm going to get help. I'll drag my ass out of here. HOpefully I don't bleed out."

Adam and Carey cuddle before stumpy makes his slow ass march towards the door.

Adam drags his ass out and Adam begins to search Patsy for a key.

But first Adam robs Patsy by grabbing his wallet.

He picks up the cell phone and immediately orders a harem of ladies of the red light.

Adam then finds a tape player.

It's Jigsaw.

Jigsaw is like "You had a job at a hospital. Uh. For some reason I poisoned you and have given you the choice of ganking Carey's family...but only if he doesn't succeed by 6pm. Like...why did I pick you? I don't give a reason. What was the choice for Carey's family?"

Then we hear Jigsaw talking to himself more. "Maybe people are wrong when they say I'm more than just a killer. That I somehow give people choices and give them a new life. You did nothing Zep. Like...literally nothing wrong. You were nice to me. Why did i do this to you?"

Then he continues "And what's up with Carey's family? They have no choice. They have no chance for redemption. Maybe everything I pretend to believe in is all lies. Or people just ignore that shit because they liked the cool doll. That's probably it."

Seriously. Jigsaw doesn't even pretend to have a reason for Zep or Carey's family.

He just does it because he's a sicko.

That's when we get one of the BEST REVEALS IN CINEMA!

The dead body in the middle of the room gets up and I remember going "HOLY SHIT!" in the theaters.

And a god damn MASSIVE shout out to Tobin Bell.

The dude literally laid down in the middle of the room for hours upon hours day after day without moving in the same position just for the realism of it.

That is a dedication very few people have.

I LOVE TOBIN BELL.

Jigsaw is all like "The key to your chain is in the bathtub. It was that anglerfish we saw at the beginning go down the drain. So...uh...you didn't have a choice or a chance either. LOL. SUCKS TO BE YOU!!"

We find out that Jigsaw was the patient from earlier in the movie who was in the hospital.

He was behind this all and...man.

Tobin's voice and actions, etc. are amazing.

He is the reason to watch this series.

We get a long string of flashbacks as Adam tries to shoot Tobin.

Jigsaw shocks his ass and Adam shits himself.

Adam screams as Jigsaw goes to the door and says "Game Over" before shutting it.

Adam is left to die.

HAHAHA. AWESOME.

That was Saw and it's a really great horror movie.

Tobin Bell/Jigsaw deserve to be in the highest pantheon of Horror along with Jason, Michael Myers, Freddy, and Leatherface.

He's the best horror icon of the 21st century.

The movie isn't perfect and it has some...issues with some of the acting, but overall it's a blast.

I just wish people would stop pretending that Jigsaw had some moral code. He doesn't. He's all about killing the innocent to fulfill his fetish.

@threadreaderapp unroll