Thread by @moby_dickhead

For everyone asking—yes, I'm alive. I've been on the quiet side because there's something I'm trying to investigate and I'm not sure how to yet. I'd rather not tweet unless I have something substantial to share. (thread)

It's also sort of hard to explain the logistics of what I'm trying to find out, but I'll do my best. Basically, there's a part of my apartment I'm just now learning about. At least that's what I think.

To refresh your memory, I live in a duplex. I used to live on the first floor, and now I live on the second floor. It's a long boxy building that looks like this:

The other week, I was tweeting the most recent update from the living room couch. About 30 seconds after I'd sent the last tweet, I heard a thump directly above my head, as if someone above me had dropped something on the floor—which is impossible, since I'm in the top apartment.

There's also no way to access the roof. There aren't any ladders on the outside of the building. The only way you'd get on the roof is through a skylight in the hallway. There are no trees in the immediate vicinity, either.

It definitely wasn't pipes, either. It was distinctly the sound of something falling to the floor. My building is old and makes lots of noises, but this was a new sound and it startled me.

So I'm thinking, "Is there some secret crawl space in my home?" I look all over my apartment but I can't figure it out, so I go into the hallway, and that's when something dawns on me.

There's no real way to ease into this so I'll just say it: there's a mysterious hatch in my hallway. I've always known about it, but I just assumed it opened directly to the roof.

It's REALLY high above the stairs, so I always figured it was impossible to access without some sort of fancy professional ladder. I took this video so you can see how high it is.

I see that hatch every morning when I leave for work and think nothing of it, but this time something dawned on me. It can't lead to the roof, because it's actually below the roof. I'm about to spring some simple math on you, so I apologize in advance.

First, the skylight is flat with the roof (I checked Google Earth to make sure). The hatch is about 3 feet below the skylight, meaning there's about 3 feet of empty space between the two openings.

I think, "Maybe the hatch leads to a short ladder going to the roof?" But even if that's the case, the hatch is level with all the ceilings in my apartment. That means there's three feet of empty space all over my apartment.

I was ready to explain this away for a few reasons. One, it might just be some sort of insulated space that all residential buildings have. I'm not an architect, so what do I know? It didn't seem relevant enough at the time, so I decided I wasn't going to mention it here.

But over the past week and a half, I've been hearing more things above me. A few days after the first sound, I heard a similar thump while I was in the kitchen. Then last night, I heard something small clink to the floor and roll about 6 feet before stopping.

Something is going on up there. Maybe it's a raccoon? But maybe it's not. I also can't get over the fact that the hatch is in such a weird, inaccessible place over the stairs. I need to investigate, I'm just not sure how right now.

I guess I'll try to buy a long pole off Amazon to see if the hatch even moves? I might have to buy a construction ladder. At any rate, that's why I've been MIA for a minute. I'll keep you posted when I figure out how to get up there.

OK, I bought a pole. If the hatch is moveable, I'll either shell out for a ladder or call my landlord to investigate.