Discover and read the best of Twitter Threads about #adoptees

Most recents (15)

Alright. So. Today I am going to begin my deep dive into #adoption, APs/Carers, and the multitude of ways #adoptee and #FosterYouth stories are not properly protected by the adults tasked with their care.
This is going to be a long one. This might end up having to be multiple threads over a few days. There are both extreme and subtle ways this happens and I'm going to try to expand on them all. But before I begin I have a few preemptive thoughts and overall disclaimers.
First things first: this isn't a debate. If you read this and do any of these things, I do absolutely mean you and you need to change what you're doing.

There aren't exceptions when its actually okay. Period.
Read 55 tweets
THREAD 1/21

I am a 57 year old, tall, thin, cishet, white, #adopted man. For years I have been horrified and appalled at the violence and oppression women suffer and the hands of people of my demographic - men just like me.
A few years ago, I started to volunteer at my local women's shelter and to follow feminist pages on facebook where I learned a lot about myself and my role in the patriarchy and the oppression of my sisters.
From those facebook pages I found links to feminist Twitter where my education and enlightenment accelerated and grew dramatically.
Read 21 tweets
So as per a request, I'm going to take some common themes that crop up within #adoption and lay it as plain as I can from my #adoptee perspective.

Although a person mentioned these things specifically, they are not the *only* person to have noticed these thoughts.
There are large perceptional differences between how adoptive parents can view a situation and how an adoptee can view the same situation.

As always this is my perspective and other adoptees may disagree or agree. Both are valid. Let's continue.
I'm going to start with reunification and reunion.

There is a belief at times for some AP's that reunification or reunion means rejection. This is a multifaceted issue and is actually very common.

It appears for adoptees in the form of "how do your ap's feel about this".
Read 31 tweets
This is the 20th anniv. of home DNA testing for ancestry purposes! 20 years ago this mo, @FamilyTreeDNA sent out its first test kit. The testing was v diff, but the industry (cos like @23andMe, @Ancestry and @MyHeritage) traces back to this moment 2 decades ago. #DNAtesting20
In coming wks I’ll be tweeting out the milestones of the last 20 yrs in #DNAtesting. I’m taking suggestions! Could be industry or #geneticgenealogy moments, or ones relating to yr personal #genealogy journey. Put year and tag #DNAtesting20. This week: 2000-2010.
Milestones from 20 yrs of #DNAtesting: #DNAsurprises have been uncovered since the industry's beginning. The founder of @FamilyTreeDNA told me he stumbled on the 1st before he even rolled out product, during proof of concept testing in ‘99. #genealogy Send yrs w/ #DNAtesting20
Read 24 tweets
So, #NAAM day 29.

It's almost over. We have almost made it.

Huzzah.
I went heavy grade yesterday.

And because there is always a need for balance... I'd like to go *my definition* of light and fun today.
I, like many #adoptees have a fairly warped sense of humor.

I know for me dark, sarcastic. Vaguely uncomfortable things are really quite funny to me.
Read 8 tweets
#NAAM day 24

Yesterday I threaded about the idea that people sometimes think adoptees are rude or insulting when they establish boundaries.
Today I'm going to write about adoptees, again.

In the context of what do we "know" about adoption outside of being an adoptee.
As always I am an adoptee, but not the only adoptee. I only speak for myself.

Some will agree with what I'm saying, some will not, or have their own take on the same ideas.

They're all valid and you should listen to them as well.
Read 26 tweets
#NAAM day 23.

Today I'd like to discuss the idea of #adoptees being considered mean, rude, or exclusionary of non adopted people, when it comes to #adoption conversations.
First and foremost, I am an adoptee, and I'm always looking at things through the lense of adoptees first.

I am however, not the only adoptee. There are those that will agree with me and those that do not. They're both valid, and allowed their own space to have their thoughts.
As always as well, you should be listening to them as well, and not just me.

None of us represent all of us.
Read 33 tweets
Alright. #NAAM day 21.

As the month goes on I recognize the things I discuss become more abstract sometimes.
That's because although the concrete factual relevant and important things are still those things... but a lot of what people disregard on a daily basis for #adoptees are the things that exist in abstracts.
Thoughts, feelings, experiences that happened are dismissed... but so are the things that never were.
Read 21 tweets
#NAAM day 16.

Today I would like to turn the floor over to #adoptees.

I've spoken at great length over time (and will again I'm sure) about different issues and problems I've noted in regards to #adoption systems and #adopteerights.

BUT....
It would be pure unadulterated hubris on my part to think that I have been fully comprehensive on laws and issues that impact adoptees, both in the US and outside of the US.
I would like for any adoptees that see this tweet, to please add any laws, systems, barriers, flaws, that they want attention drawn to.

Yes there may be repeats, and that's okay. These things impact more than one person.
Read 5 tweets
So.... #NAAM2019 #NAAM day 10.

Today I'm going to have a thread of things that have been said to me about adoption... that were supposed to be supportive or kind or empathetic or bonding, but were not.
I'm not going to make a thread of awful horrendous things that have been said to me with the intent of doing harm.

That's just damaging for the sake of damaging, and they don't deserve my air time.
I want to address these things because yes the direct insults and abuses were hard, but the damaging things masquerading as love were harder.

There are just some things that land wrong in adoption that only apply to adoptions.
Read 35 tweets
Good morning. We are on to #NAAM2019 #NAAM day 6.

I'm going to start with my thoughts that I didn't convey yesterday.

Today I'd like to discuss the concept of gratitude in #adoption.
I have a few polls, and then we are going to get into the meat of the matter.
Adoptees only:

Whether you feel gratitude or not, have you ever been told you need to be grateful, or felt the pressure to express gratitude in regards to your adoption?
Read 30 tweets
So its day two of #NAAM2019 #NAAM and I'm going to dive right in to something that absolutely every single person adopted or not should be aware of, care about, and push to fix.
I've touched on this a bit before and since it's the time of year the most people are paying attention... today I'm going to discuss #adoptees in the US without citizenship, and no path to ever fix it.
There are thousands of adoptees in the US right now that were never granted citizenship. Adults that were taken from their countries of origin, brought to the US, told these Americans were now their families, and face the daily fear of deportation.
Read 18 tweets
THIS is the main reason it’s so damaging when adoption narratives hold up sweet “success stories” of those “resilient” kids who seem so well-adjusted. Trauma for #adoptees often manifests in ways that LOOK like positives, but are deeply damaging to us below the surface. (Thread)
(In my case I admit this was compounded by the neglect & abuse I experienced before my adoption, and the added trauma I experienced later in life.)

So many of the qualities people compliment in me the most? They were developed specifically as survival responses to trauma.
“Articulate.” “Gifted.” “Bright.” “Insightful.” “High Achiever” “Empathetic.” “Giving.” “Talented performer.” “Wise/mature beyond her years.” “Resilient.”

It’s uncomfortable for me to even appear to self-praise, but these are all specific things I’ve had said about me a lot.
Read 16 tweets
#Adoptee Twitter has a verrrrry different take on this viral video than most of you I see sharing it in my feeds.

Not the best timing for me to bring on the dumpster fire I know this will light in my inbox again, but here we go...
When I was a young child, people commented constantly on how unusually bright and *articulate* I was for my age. I was also a really sweet little girl, always wanting to be a helper. People saw this all as proof I was well-adjusted & that I was loved well by my adoptive family.
The truth? ALL of that was fruits of my trauma. I learned to perform as a survival mechanism. I learned to earn affection. I learned to make myself as exceptional as possible, so maybe these parents wouldn’t discard me this time. I learned to prove how loveable I was.
Read 16 tweets
At the risk of once again of turning my DMs into a raging dumpster fire, can we have a serious conversation about the trend of viral videos showing the moment a child is told they will be adopted? As an adoptee, I'm pretty taken aback when they appear in my feed
These videos are overwhelmingly made not by the adoptees themselves, but by the adoptive parents, & are most often shared (or even made) without the consent of the adoptee. It's packaging one of their most conflicted and emotional experiences for mass public consumption.
But even if a parent does ask permission? The power imbalance calls that consent into question. Adoptive parents hold the power to grant/deny stability, security, & a permanent family to that adoptee. It creates (albeit unintentionally in most cases) an undue pressure to consent.
Read 20 tweets

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