,
11 tweets,
2 min read
Read on Twitter
We have an intern named James. God blessed James with an incredible amount of confidence to the point of arrogance. God did not, however, bless James with any amount of common sense or intelligence. These are his stories.
James failed to realize that, even on Casual Friday, American flag tank tops still weren’t appropriate office attire. When we asked him to change, he came back in a tank top and tennis shoes because he thought his flip flops were the issue.
James once typed a letter that was supposed to be handwritten in the “Informal Roman” font because he didn’t think anyone would notice.
James announced his arrival to the office one day by saying “Whaddup, my N-words!” Not the racial slur. Literally “n-words”. The office is predominantly black. James very much is not.
James asked a woman when she was due. When she told him she wasn’t pregnant, to avoid an awkward silence, James responded with “Oh. Wow.”
James made a pot of coffee with milk instead of water because he didn’t know what “coffee with milk” meant.
James isn’t allowed to do door-to-door canvassing anymore because he kept asking every house he went to if he could “borrow a beer”.
I’m not sure James knows what his major is because he’s told me 4 different ones.
To his credit, James has a pretty incredible singing voice. Unfortunately, he’s only ever used it for renditions of “Careless Whisper” by George Michaels and Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire” with dirty lyrics.
James has never been to Chipotle because one of his friends convinced hm you have to order in Spanish and he doesn’t speak any Spanish.
James impressed the office by catching 15 cheese puffs in a row in his mouth that someone brought in. He then asked to go home because he forgot he was lactose intolerant.
