Thread by @WritNelson

NO MAN'S SKY GENERATED THE COOLEST SCI-FI STORY FOR US AND I'M GOING TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT

It was a lifeless planet. That's literally what No Man's Sky categorized it as. A 'lifeless planet.'

We thought we were alone, here - that's when I found the notification for the Humming Egg.

I tagged the Humming Egg with my analysis visor and began digging. It was underground, for some reason, and every time I got within about 30 units or so, the energy signature disappeared and moved somewhere else.

In hindsight, this was somewhat suspicious.

We finally tracked the Humming Eggs to a cliff cut into the side of a procedurally-generated mountain. There were three of them, glistening next to inexplicable flora sheltered from a supposedly inhospitable environment.

@jaytholen 'suggested' that I open one first.

After a few minutes of conversation, we decided that we would each open one egg at the same time. Almost immediately, we were met with a puff of green gas and the sound of flesh peeling backwards.

I heard the sound of a jetpack behind me as @jaytholen shouted his goodbyes.

However, being neither smart nor fast enough to run, I managed to see objects through the clearing mist.
A set of gently-reflective green spheres.

Ambulen Pearls, from an unknown, likely long-dead starbound god - and each one was worth over 9000 credits.

Pleasantly surprised, we raided the other, seemingly moving nests in and around the steep mountain range before heading off to gather crafting materials for our respective missions.

I was running towards a distant copper deposit when I found another egg--one unmarked by my radar

It was called the Whispering Egg, and unlike the other Humming Eggs, it stood alone on the dead plain.

It also, unlike the Humming Eggs, had a treasure symbol next to its name.

...Treasure is good, right?

After a few more minutes attempting to figure out how to open THIS egg, I disregarded the words of my companion and shot the pale object with my mining beam - it reacted to the stimulus!

It...quivered.

Another odd detail, in hindsight.

We shot the fragile shell until it burst into meaty chunks.

For a moment, there was stillness.

Then, we saw the three little words no starfaring traveler wants to see BURST onto their screen.

BIOLOGICAL
*HORROR*
DETECTED

BIOLOGICAL

MOTHER
F*CKING

HORROR

Again, not to overstate this, but:

BIOLOGICAL

*HORROR*

HORNED BEINGS WITH UNREADABLE VITALS THAT MOVED FAR FASTER THAN THEIR LEGS SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO CARRY THEM

LIFELESS PLANET *MY ASS*

I took every single resource I had and built a boltcaster. I fired lasers until I ran out of space bullets.

Did I mention that I ran out of space bullets?

I RAN OUT OF SPACE BULLETS

AND THEY JUST

KEPT

COMING

They erupted into puffs of acidic blood as fast as I could pull the trigger.

I couldn't hear @jaytholen anymore.
Not over the screams.

Suddenly, Jay's voice came through the din.

"Jump on your ship! They can't get you if you're on your ship!"

I spent what jetpack fuel I had to leap over the nearest pack, to find the sight of my friend and his suddenly oh so very small vessel surrounded by livid green terrors.

We kept firing.

We kept flying.

We kept leaping over our crafts as the sole obstacles on that godblasted barren until the tinny call of "swarm subsided" filled our grateful ears.

We got the FUCK off that planet.

...but not until we took a couple more eggs, to go.

My name is Xalavier Nelson Jr. - I'm a freelance narrative designer, game writer, underground folk dancing ring-infiltrator, and creator of Jeff Goldblum LARPs inexplicably played in the forests of Northern England.

Leave the Whispering Egg alone.

Thank you for reading.