There are times I want to start an #ITooAmProblematic hashtag so that we can honestly name how we fail to measure up to the standards of ideological purity we project on others. Maybe then we can cut ourselves and everyone else some slack.
Example: I tend to believe *most people do the best they can given what they have, know, believe, and have experienced. Yes, this includes those we'd label as racist, sexist, homophobic, etc. This certainly doesn't excuse bad behavior or mitigate harm caused.
And the very FIRST priority when engaging in a situation where harm has been caused is to ensure the safety and well-being of the victim. People who harm must be told they cannot harm anymore. People who have been harmed must be believed & supported.
But at some point, those who have harmed must be rehabilitated. We can't just keep throwing people into an ever-growing pile of reprobates. In truth, if we keep throwing people away eventually we'll find ourselves in that trash heap.
We have to teach people more, give them more experiences and resources that support growth, and give them some greater to believe in. They have to be willing, yes. You can't help the stubborn and unwilling.
In my experience in antiracism work, the vast majority of white people I engage (so granted these are folks who self-select to participate with only minor coercion) WANT to do better, but many are paralyzed by the fear of screwing up and being shamed for it.
Caveat: this is not everyone's work and no one should be forced to teach privileged folks how to do better, least of all the marginalized. But, if we want to live in a better world, this has to be someone's job.
I guess I hope for this because there WILL come a day when I will act on autopilot and someone will be harmed. I hope that someone will have the grace to see me as someone who did the best he could and give me an opportunity to know and do better.
