A reminder that some people in our field are alienating our female colleagues by flirting in settings that are meant to be professional and by trying to turn what should be topic- & setting-appropriate conversations into dates.
Please don't do this.
Please don't do this.
I'd like to draw attention to some of the retweets and replies that indicate how widespread an issue this is. Here's one, where @jeggers relates her experience (expand the thread).
Here's another, where @DynamicWebPaige
says that the problem is definitely ">50%", providing evidence for @sophiebits statement that maybe I was too optimistic by using the word "some" Sigh.
says that the problem is definitely ">50%", providing evidence for @sophiebits statement that maybe I was too optimistic by using the word "some" Sigh.
Here's another, where @tdverstynen relates some pretty egregious sounding behavior in the field of neuroscience.
And a story of egregious behavior from @SheCanTech:
And @kjowong relates how someone really wanted her phone number and wouldn't be satisfied with her email address.
And @dasmalle found it easier to study alone than to deal with inevitable flirting if she tried to join a study group. I suspect study groups convey an advantage that is denied because of this sort of boorish behavior.
And @harshita_kk says someone significantly older than her got someone at her company to extract her phone number from her company's internal directory and called her inappropriately:
And @pblead26 says that it's not every guy at every event (whew!) but that they're always one or two people event (sigh):
And @hedavis_msc would prefer to talk about the effects of cold on insect physiology (which sounds fascinating, BTW) or related topics instead finds that guys would prefer to talk about professionally inappropriate things:
And @LeaKissner, one of my most experienced Google colleagues and an expert on security, privacy, and crypto, reports that harassment when she was an undergrad was bad enough that she seriously contemplated leaving the field. I'm so glad you didn't, Lea!
And @ComfortWeight reports being nice to Harvard colleagues during/after getting her PhD and they interpreted niceness incorrectly:
And some good news! @Julia_SCI's new boss sounds like a good person.
Bad news is that this made her realize how terrible many of her previous professional relationships have been.
Bad news is that this made her realize how terrible many of her previous professional relationships have been.
(We can also try crowd sourcing some of these: feel free to chime in if you've ever had or observed a bad experience at a technical conference in this vein that you feel might inform others of "what not to do").
And @LylaHammar reports saying that she "has a boyfriend" is more effective than other reasons at rebuffing unwanted attention (when all such reasons should be equally effective and ideally not needed at all):
And @oponiak says that older men seem perfectly willing to ask women to be a “little something extra on the side":
And @geekettebits reports that for the first time in presumably an uncountable number of conference encounters, someone finally assumed she was in a tech field rather than HR.
Don't assume women at a tech conference are in HR, please.
Don't assume women at a tech conference are in HR, please.
And @DynamicWebPaige reports that at every event she attends, a Twitter follower approaches her in hopes of finagling a date.
I have a few Twitter followers and attend quite a few events, and I have never had this happen (nor should it, to her or me)
I have a few Twitter followers and attend quite a few events, and I have never had this happen (nor should it, to her or me)
And more creepily, people try to find her room at conferences.
And for those wondering if asking @juliaferraioli (or anyone else) if they are single during an open Q&A session is acceptable: no, it's not.
And don't then creepily stalk her and send her an email on her private, non-work account.
And don't then creepily stalk her and send her an email on her private, non-work account.
And @LysaMyers reports that trying many different ways of dressing (more professional, "dumpy", etc.) failed to prevent unwanted advances.
And @accakks reports that having to shut off conversation when it turns flirtatious is annoying, and I suspect she wishes people would just come up to get and have normal conference-related conversations.
And @_Caro_N, like many women, worries that rejecting flirtatious men might lead to professional repercussions.
And as @AnimaAnandkumar says, if you're a professor talking to someone at a conference, don't cut them off as they start to explain their research and shunt them off to your female student saying that "you'll connect better because you're both women".
And @sehurlburt gives suggestions to women on things to do to help limit issues, like adjusting how they dress, avoiding alcohol even when others might be drinking, avoiding 1:1 meetings in the evening.
Likely good advice, but shouldn't be needed.
Likely good advice, but shouldn't be needed.
(If everyone behaved professionally, that is)
And @abbyfuller reports that someone approached her after a talk, took a selfie with her (okay, I get this sometimes), & then *kissed her* and posted the selfie on Instagram with a #nerdcrush caption (last two are just outrageous & wrong: don't do that!):
