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Seth Cotlar @SethCotlar
, 16 tweets, 5 min read Read on Twitter
"Yes, I meant to eat that dolphin steak," Tom said porpoisefully. #IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"I've been clearing this old insulation out of my attic all day and can barely breathe," Tom said, asbestos he could.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"I'm thinking of vacationing somewhere near Romania or the Ukraine," Tom said, as he Moldova his travel plans.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
Hearing that a member of The Monkeys had died, Tom was so sad he could only mutter, “Mikey Dolenz-es.”
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"Gosh, I just have no idea who might have stolen the topping for your pancakes," Tom said syruptitiously.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"I have zero fecks left to give," Tom said fecklessly.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"Who's the boneheaded moron who forgot to reinforce this concrete?" Tom asked rebarbatively. #IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"I've been sitting in line for hours. I don't think I'll ever get that travel visa," Tom said disconsolately. #IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"WHERE THE HELL IS MY BLUE SHIRT AND WHY IS THIS CLOSET SUCH A GODFORSAKEN MESS!?!?!?" Tom screamed, having forgotten everything he learned in hanger management class.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"I need to go to the bathroom, but I'm having such an incredible run of good luck at this fishing hole that I don't want to leave," Tom said, holding a crappie.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"Sometimes I cover my hands when I go out in the snow, sometimes I don't," Tom said intermittenly.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"This thread of Tom Swifty jokes sucks," Tom said fellatiously.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"The wind has pushed me up against this wall, and I've got nothing better to do than to stay here for awhile I guess," Tom said, adrift.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"Twitter is like a freaking war zone. I give up," Tom retweeted.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"There's nothing I love more than frizzy hair," Tom said unconditionally.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
"I'm fairly certain that I never inhaled," Bill said dubiously.
#IsItTomSwiftyThursdayYet
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