I can’t stop thinking about #WhyIDidntReport. The stories are deeply personal but in some ways universal: not because all women have been raped, but because most of us have experiences stemming from the same culture. I don’t often share personal stuff on Twitter, but here goes.
2/14
Start with the catcalls and crude propositions. A fact of life, older girls said. Take it as a compliment, boys said. But a compliment shouldn't make the world go black around the edges, nor make you look over your shoulder out of fear you're being followed.
Start with the catcalls and crude propositions. A fact of life, older girls said. Take it as a compliment, boys said. But a compliment shouldn't make the world go black around the edges, nor make you look over your shoulder out of fear you're being followed.
3/14
Or the flashers. They’re ultimately harmless, someone told me. Just laugh at them, or run away. But it's not harmless to a young girl when a stranger uses her very existence for his sexual gratification, her shocked gaze for affirmation of his power.
Or the flashers. They’re ultimately harmless, someone told me. Just laugh at them, or run away. But it's not harmless to a young girl when a stranger uses her very existence for his sexual gratification, her shocked gaze for affirmation of his power.
4/14
Or the man who followed me, age 14-ish, for 4 long miles on a little-used bike route, slowing when I slowed, speeding up when I did. He bolted when I saw our neighbor and pretended to be her daughter. I was terrified, but biking was my freedom & I didn't want to lose it.
Or the man who followed me, age 14-ish, for 4 long miles on a little-used bike route, slowing when I slowed, speeding up when I did. He bolted when I saw our neighbor and pretended to be her daughter. I was terrified, but biking was my freedom & I didn't want to lose it.
5/14
Or the HS gym teacher who taught self defense and held girls longer than necessary in demonstrations. Nothing concrete enough to report, but it felt off. I got an A- or B+, and my parents teased me for the grade. I didn’t tell them that dialing it in *was* self defense.
Or the HS gym teacher who taught self defense and held girls longer than necessary in demonstrations. Nothing concrete enough to report, but it felt off. I got an A- or B+, and my parents teased me for the grade. I didn’t tell them that dialing it in *was* self defense.
6/14
Or the science professor who had difficulty looking me in the eyes but no problem staring at my chest. No touch, no harm, right? (I dropped his course and took my first college social science class instead, so maybe thanks are in order.)
Or the science professor who had difficulty looking me in the eyes but no problem staring at my chest. No touch, no harm, right? (I dropped his course and took my first college social science class instead, so maybe thanks are in order.)
7/14
Then there were a few gropes in college. No cell phone videos back then, so no proof and no public shaming. It’s not worth reporting, dorm-mates said. Besides, that happens all the time at parties, and you don’t have to go.
Then there were a few gropes in college. No cell phone videos back then, so no proof and no public shaming. It’s not worth reporting, dorm-mates said. Besides, that happens all the time at parties, and you don’t have to go.
8/14
Fast forward to my early 20s, and I'm reading in the park. A stranger sat down next to me, grabbed my bare leg below my shorts, and said he wanted to have sex with me. Just kidding, he said, when I told him to f*** off. Can’t you take a joke?
Fast forward to my early 20s, and I'm reading in the park. A stranger sat down next to me, grabbed my bare leg below my shorts, and said he wanted to have sex with me. Just kidding, he said, when I told him to f*** off. Can’t you take a joke?
9/14
I know these stories are fairly mild. Not like the young girl, roughly my age at the time, whose disappearance was reported in my hometown paper. Her violated body was found in a gravel pit outside of town.
I know these stories are fairly mild. Not like the young girl, roughly my age at the time, whose disappearance was reported in my hometown paper. Her violated body was found in a gravel pit outside of town.
10/14
Not like the barely-out-of-puberty acquaintance who was raped by older family friend. She gave birth to a son who became her brother.
Not like the barely-out-of-puberty acquaintance who was raped by older family friend. She gave birth to a son who became her brother.
11/14
Not like a good friend in high school, and the real daughter of the neighbor at whose house I took refuge. She was “date raped,” as it was called back then, reported it, and wrote about it in the school newspaper. She paid a social price.
Not like a good friend in high school, and the real daughter of the neighbor at whose house I took refuge. She was “date raped,” as it was called back then, reported it, and wrote about it in the school newspaper. She paid a social price.
12/14
Not like the girl in my dorm who came back from a fraternity party looking disheveled and in tears. I wasn’t in her confidence, but the rumor on the floor was rape.
Not like the girl in my dorm who came back from a fraternity party looking disheveled and in tears. I wasn’t in her confidence, but the rumor on the floor was rape.
13/14
So although I’ve been catcalled and flashed and groped and grabbed and propositioned and followed, I know I’ve been relatively lucky.
So although I’ve been catcalled and flashed and groped and grabbed and propositioned and followed, I know I’ve been relatively lucky.
14/14
It’s a telling statement about the prevalence of sexual violence in America that women who have never been raped feel like we won the damned lottery. /fin
It’s a telling statement about the prevalence of sexual violence in America that women who have never been raped feel like we won the damned lottery. /fin
