Thread by @zeal_a

I was thinking the other day about stuff I should not be thinking about & I burst out laughing at the picture that was painted...So, I'll share one of the things I was laughing about & if you know you cannot laugh it off, don't continue o...don't say I didn't warn you!!

Thread!

If JESUS were married:

Like I said, don't continue if you can't laugh oooooo

JESUS WIFE (JW): Honey, where have you been?

JESUS: You know, the usual, going about doing my Father's business!

JW: Who's Photina..?

JESUS: oh, That's the Samaritan woman by the well I was telling you about that....

JW: The one you spent 3 days with? That sleeps around? married 5 men? that one?

JESUS: Don't make it seem like that! It was...

JW: Isn't Samaria prohibited? Doesn't the law say you can't go there? How would God ask you to go? And I hear you sent Peter away to spend "alone time" with her?

JESUS: I didn't send them away to meet with her. I sent them to get food & then she came to the well & I was thirsty

JW: How convenient!! Are you allowed to ask for water from Samaritans? I'm just asking
JESUS: Woman, you need to understa...
JW: Don't you woman me o...don't just woman me. Because I've been keeping quiet.

JW: The other day, they told me some woman was massaging and rubbing your body up and down with expensive perfume and you were sitting there enjoying it. When Peter wanted to send her away, you told them to leave her.

JESUS: But she was really repentant about...

JW: Repentant about what? If it is a man you will say "go and sin no more" but if it is a fine woman, she will rub your whole body first..

JESUS: can I...

JW: Wait first! Then the one on her period the was looking for you all over the place nko?

JW: What is your business with her period that she wanted to see you?

JESUS: it wasn't a period. It was a serious condition and she had been bleeding 12 years and...

JW: Are you now a gynaecologist?

JESUS: No but she's healed now and I'm sure you know this

JW: But my own period every month you won't cure me o...anyways, What of Mary?

JESUS: Which Mary again?

JW: Oh ho...so they are many abi?

JESUS: No but...

JW: the one that they brought naked to you

JESUS: What about her?

JW: Why is it you that they brought naked woman to? they didn't take her to the synagogue or priests or pharisees or scribes, it's you!! why? & don't tell me that BS that they were tempting you o. Are you the only only one to tempt? did they take naked women to your cousin John?

JESUS: You know what, you really won't understand what's going on, I've tried to....

JW: tried to what? So you are saying I'm stupid abi? I don't have brain to understand? If it is Mary or Martha you will explain for 3 days, but me "you won't understand"!!!

JESUS: I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that, I just meant that...

JW: just meant what? I can see it in your eyes; say it! sayyyy eeet: "Get thee behind me Satan" abi? I am now Satan

JESUS: haa....I never said that o. Im sorry you're looking at it this way. Sit let me explain

JW: Don't use that your voodoo and wash my head and confuse me o. I don't want to hear. Soon now they will come home and be looking for you or sending Peter to call you outside.

JW: You will say "see you soon"...one week, i won't see your brake light

PETER KNOCKS ON THE DOOR

PETER: Master we need to go so we can reach there before dark

JW: go where again Peter. You are the one arranging all these women, abi?

PETER: what women?

JW: LIAR...you will burn in hell

Peter: I think this is a bad time master, we should go tomorrow instead.

JW: Go where? he's not going anywhere

JESUS: Why not come on these trips with me and see the marvellous work that....

JW: so they will think I am one of your chicks abi? I am not coming. Just come and be going let me have peace. Just go with Peter.

JESUS: Ok. I'll see you lat....

JW: If you like, step out of this house, i double dare you

And the ministry ended!!!

BYE for now!!!!!😂😂😂🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃