Today the mentally disturbed Menschians were out in force again claiming I am an incredibly talented Kremlin spy who played a long game to marry my wife. I have sacrificed so much in this effort, I will never see the Red Square again.
Of course, I have never been to Russia, and the most time any member of my family has spent there was in service of Bob Gates, Secretary of Defense.
How I, a poor college dropout from Mississippi, have yearned to see the majesty of Russian architecture, to weep at the tombs of the heroes of the people.
All this I have given up in pursuit of the mission I was assigned by our deep cover contact, Dmitri, at age 6.
He gave me my first shot of vodka. It burned, then was sweet on the tongue. My eyes grew wide. "The Hunt For Red October" will be your favorite movie, he told me, "and you will root for the cook."
But the brainwashing did not take! They could not banish Solzhenitsyn. They could not banish Turgenev. They could not banish Karamazov. Most of all, they could not banish Montana.
I understand why the heavy weight of readily available evidence would inspire the Menschians to claim I work for the Kremlin, particularly given my obvious false flag years of work for Russian dissidents like Mikhail Khodorkovsky. But it is not true.
So now, I confront the world confused by the dominant love I have for capitalism and the west. It is a confusing time for the man who once was the 6 year old pride of the GRU. But I greet the American dawn as a friend.
