Thread by @Funmilola

My cook’s 4 year old is spoilt as her mother had her late. We all spoil her cos she was born with a resting bitch face so she scares us.

She follows her mum everywhere so l insist she leave her with me. She starts gloriously wailing as per usual.

So l ask her if she hates me

This stops her mid wail as she looks at me in confusion.

I asked again, do you hate me Opeyemi? She said no, I lost everyone she loves in the house and ask same question.

She shakes her head vigorously

So why are you weeping to be left with us l ask.

She has no answer ..

You know your mama is coming back right? I ask.

She nods.

Then l tell her crying makes us feel bad cos we love her and if she’s afraid her mama won’t come back she can tell me and we’ll FaceTime her.

We 👊🏽on a biscuit deal and that was that.

4 year olds are not fully mad 😛

This morning Opeyemi threw a tantrum, she kept hitting her mum.

I noticed she did same yesterday.

After the storm l asked her to sit at breakfast with me.

I asked her why she cries and hits her mum. She’s quiet. I ask her what she’d like to do today, she’s quiet.

..

I realise she not used to having conversations with adults.

So l we talked about the hymns she’s always singing.

I asked about her friends and learn she has 4; Blessing, Aduke, Ibrahim and Lukuluku, aged 4 to 7.
Blessing is her best friend, they never fight
She tells me.

I ask her if she misses them seeing she’s in a new neighborhood with no kids.
She nods vigorously.

I call her mum and ask if she converses with Ope.

Aunty l talk to her she says.

I asked if she talks WITH her not to her or at her.

Mother says she’s just stubborn..

She gives the scenario of this morning’s mother daughter battle.

I pointed out that she’d lied to her and the child had hit her in frustration cos she’d learnt from her mother and others that you need to hit people to get your way.

I can see she thinks l’m talking shit....

So l ask Ope if she’d prefer an arrangement where she can see her friends more often? She says yes. I asked if she’d promise not to hit her mum again but tell her when she’s frustrated or unhappy about something. She nods.

We 👊🏽 to another deal and she skips away.

I talk with her mum and we change working arrangements to allow more time with family n friends so she’s not always with just her mum causing frustration of both parties. Whether it is romantic or filial love Ghalil Gibran is right to say “let there be gaps in your togetherness”

Also 4 year olds are not completely mad 😉.

Opeyemi is away for two weeks. I miss her.

No half smirk, half snark, half leg bend, head bobbing good mornings.

No shortie at the door eye balling anyone who dares come home with me.

No shrill cartoons competing for sofa space.

I might need ginger biscuits to survive this.

Because the not completely mad 4 year old Opeyemi is still away and my 17 year old is now too cool to be properly mad, l found a donut rant she wrote when she was 11 and quite mad. 😀

Apparently she was 10 and my maths is poor, l’m told. 🚶🏽‍♀️

Now we are all away.

We are on the road a lot watching

This one, now 17 and acutely observant, suddenly and solemnly says ... There's so much darkness and a nastiness behind the eyes, something is wrong.

I nodded in quiet agreement. Yes something has siezed joy off the land.

I am away, from the 4 year old who is not completely mad and the 17 year old who is sometimes 7 and something 57 so l am over thinking.

Once the 17 year old in her 57 year old mode gave me a string on which l have built a little tower which may be not stand up to windy facts...

But, bear with me.

In talking about civilizations and nations with her, l raised that oft repeated assertion that many nations which did not conquer or colonise others in far flung parts of the world were incurious and unadventurous and thus jeopardized their own civilizations..

She quipped, but mum, are civilizations not different? Maybe Africa civilizations then had more spiritual and trade base than industrial.

A late light went off in my brain.

If a civilization is built in regions of great environmental hostility, it will necessarily organize..

..itself around the idea of scarcity and thus the requirement to centralize and scale. However if the civilization is built around a more easeful environment then it's core might be ideas of abundance, therefore it's expressions more exchange and negotiation based, it's ...

.. expressions more accommodating of difference and scale much more individualistic and communal?

Therefore colonizing civilizations (not to be confused with amalgamating ones) were not more curious or adventurous but the base philosophy of each's curiousity was different...

... it would therefore imply that we live in a predominant civilization built on an idea of scarcity where there subsits a possibility of a parallel universe of civilizations that may be built ideas of abundance, cooperation, exchange and communities.

Some would argue ...

..that this is the true possibility of technology and globalization were these too not running on a core philosophy of scarcity.

Anyways the 17 year old had resumes listening to XXXtentacion and l still miss the 4 year old who would have dignified me with pretend interest .

I miss Opeyemi, she was meant to come around next Saturday but now they have moved the elections to that day.

I join all Nigerian bride mothers whose day of glory was meant to be next Saturday in collective annoyance.

We will vote with vex.

The 17 year old, now without competition, acts like she is a G (do they still use that non word?).

She is vexed because the local bakers had no electricity to make fresh bread.

They will turn on “the gen” to bake after church, which is sensible but she’s not placated ...

I know because of the following exchange.

Me: Did you walk all the way?

Madam: No I drove.

Me: Who gave you permission to take my car?

Madam: God.

I don’t know how to come back.

Help.

I don’t think anyone is inherently bad, or good. It’s just that it’s easier to be bad than it is to be good and the way we live pushes people towards the bad. - Mo, the 17year old.

#conversationswiththeyoung

Straddling two homes we decided we’d add a dog and a cat to the family.

We’ll get Araromi the dog for the 17 year old and Ojulari the cat for the 4 year old.

Araromi in London and Ojulari in Lagos.

We’ll certainly not be getting a snake,a fish, a rabbit or a tortoise.

The 17 year old suggests l get myself a nice successful international man, preferably Scandinavian who’s unlikely to be terrified of me and will probably find my weird Yoruba jokes funny basically cos he doesn’t get them.

Those are her words.

I think l raised her wrong.

Told her that those might be hard to find in a pet shop or from breeders so she suggested l go on one of those mindfulness for successful people retreat in some rustic luxury type place. That’s the breeding ground mum, she says with her clown wink

This one is definitely mad. 😂