, 30 tweets, 10 min read Read on Twitter
Still just blown away by how out of touch this is.
I feel like if this had kept going, he would have suggested: “You can use your boat as collateral.” #WilburRossTips
“Just take out a mortgage on your summer home.” #WilburRossTips
“Or if the credit union turns you down, you can always take out an officer loan from one of your father’s companies.” #WilburRossTips
“So maybe you have to dip into one of your offshore accounts. What’s the big deal?” #WilburRossTips
“Look, it’s a simple matter to restructure your shell corporations for additional tax advantages to cover this temporary disruption in cashflow.” #WilburRossTips
“So what if you can’t pay your mortgage? Just bundle all your bad loans into a Collateralized Debt Obligation, sell this asset-backed security to unsuspecting buyers, & default away! What could go wrong?” #WilburRossTips
“There are 8 pints of blood in the human body and blood sells for... I’m assuming several thousand dollars a pint? This isn’t complicated, people!” #WilburRossTips
“Not to mention that most government employees have TWO kidneys just lying around earning them NOTHING. Do I have to think of everything myself??” #WilburRossTips
“In my experience, just by rummaging around the garage, the average person can find upwards of $70,000 in inherited gold & fine gemstones. Show some initiative!!” #WilburRossTips
“So you have to tighten your belt & cut back to just two or three country club memberships. How hard can it be?” #WilburRossTips
“And there are all sorts of ways to economize. For example, did you know you can wear a bespoke, hand-tailored suit MORE THAN ONCE? I just found that out!” #WilburRossTips
“Stop being a cry-baby & just sell one of your restored vintage cars.” #WilburRossTips
“ANYONE can scape together enough change to buy up a controlling interest in a worthless stock, call a few hedge fund manager buddies & ask them to pump up the price. Then sell at a huge profit with enough left over to pay-off investigators at the SEC. Easy!” #WilburRossTips
“Did you know people will PAY you to have SEX with them? And it’s an especially good deal for women because any babies conceived can be sold for a tidy sum on the black market. Tax free!” #WilburRossTips
“Just sell a few hundred acres of your land. Stop complaining.” #WilburRossTips
“Or better yet, let your uncle’s bank put a lien on your land in exchange for a zero interest loan. This stuff is so simple.” #WilburRossTips
“Skip a few trips to Cartier this month. Lots of people shop at Tiffany’s & it doesn’t kill them.” #WilburRossTips
“Save money on school supplies by sacrificing one of your children to the demon god Baal in exchange for untold riches. I did it & now I’m the wealthiest 35-year-old I know.” #WilburRossTips
“Do some basic financial planning. For example, it’s important to case the bank for several days first so you know how many guys you need & where your wheelman should park.” #WilburRossTips
“Don’t be afraid to take some financial risks. I know for a fact that Peter Thiel will pay you $5000 to let him hunt you on his private island. You get the money or he gets you — either way, problem solved!” #WilburRossTips
“If all else fails, you can always ask the Russians for money. Most of my friends have done it.” #WilburRossTips
“And believe me, it’s perfectly fine to run up massive debts you can’t possibly pay. The federal government will be forced to bail out your entire sector to save the economy, & you can go right back to lecturing people about fiscal responsibility.” #WilburRossTips
“Have you considered indentured servitude?” #WilburRossTips
“Simply head down to your local police department & plead guilty to one of their many open homicides. Even if DNA ultimately proves you’re not the killer, that’s free room & board for the years it takes them to figure that out.” #WilburRossTips
“Another good trick is to lie to your creditors about everything — including the reality of global climate change & the idea that massive tax cuts for the wealthy will somehow benefit the poor — until you just die in a few years & it’s not your problem!” #WilburRossTips
“Just have your maternal grandmother declared mentally incompetent, get a durable power of attorney, & start selling off her estate to cover your debts. And if she doesn’t have enough, simply repeat the procedure for your paternal grandmother. Think, people!” #WilburRossTips
“And don’t let pride get in your way. If you’re running low on food, there is no shame in luring a stray cat or neighborhood child into a dark alley, unhinging your jaw, & devouring it whole like a snake. We’ve all done it.” #WilburRossTips
“Consider all your options. Some of the suits of armor in grand hall of your guest house could be worth considerable amounts of money.” #WilburRossTips
“Get by with a little help from your friends. Ask old classmates from the Harvard Business School for a loan. Now, I know not everyone went to Harvard — but you can still call alums from Wharton, Princeton, or whichever Ivy League institution gave you your MBA.” #WilburRossTips
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