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Yall I’m on day 3 of the worst pain flare up I’ve had in 6 months and we’re now at the point where I just have to choose to between being in less pain but so unfocused from drugs that I can’t really work well and being in so much pain that I can only work in small bursts.
I honestly feel like my bodymind was waiting for the semester to be over and then just fell apart. The pain literally started Monday night after I gave the final exam for my class and has been pretty relentless since.
My disability studies, disability justice brain is telling me to just chill out, take care of myself and not worry about doing work for a few days, but wow does my Type A, internalized oppression brain really rebel at that notion. Phew. Sometimes the inside of my head is a trip.
I should note since I don’t tweet about pain stuff often: I’m not looking for advice here. I just am noting publicly the conflict between my intellectual knowledge about & my emotional response to my occasional chronic pain & my ever shifting relationship to disability identity.
I’m also thinking a lot right now about @brownstargirl’s discussion about disability doulas in Care Work & how I wish I had one right now! I honestly though my chronic pain had gotten better but of course, we have such little control & limited understanding of our bodyminds.
