Profile picture
John Bull
@garius
, 9 tweets, 3 min read Read on Twitter
People often ask me why Boris hasn't featured in the #brexitTapes (it would fuel his ego). Well let's give him an appearance in the #leadershipTapes

Here is the tape of him agreeing in 1993 to pass on the address of a fellow journalist to an old Eton chum so he could beat him up
GUPPY: Fantastic, but I'm telling you something Boris: This guy has got my blood up, right? And there is nothing I won't do to get my revenge. It's as simple as that.
JOHNSON: How badly are you going to hurt this guy?
GUPPY: Not badly at all
JOHNSON: I really want to know because
GUPPY: Okay, let me explain to you...
JOHNSON <interrupting>: If this guy is seriously... I will be fucking furious
GUPPY: I guarantee you he will not be seriously hurt.
JOHNSON: How badly hurt will he be?
GUPPY <interrupting>: He will not have a broken limb or a broken arm.
GUPPY: He will not be put into intensive care or anything like that. He will probably get a couple of black eyes and a cracked rib or something like that
JOHNSON: Cracked rib?
GUPPY: Nothing which you didn't suffer at rugby, okay? But he'll get scared and that's what I want.
GUPPY: I want him to get scared, I want him to have no idea who's behind it, okay? And I want him to realise that he's fucked someone off and whoever he's fucked off is not the sort of person he wants to mess around with.
GUPPY: Because I guarantee you Boris I guarantee you these people are you know, if someone hurts their boss or threatens their boss I promise you its just total sort of, it's like they're like dogs,
GUPPY: They are like Alsatians or rottweilers they love their masters, they are affectionate towards them they are evil bastards to everyone else.
JOHNSON: Yeah. Yeah, good. Okay Darry now, yeah, I mean I but.
GUPPY: You must have faith in me Boris
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is your front-runner for Tory Party leader. No jokes, no satire. Helluvah guy.

Source: independent.co.uk/news/uk/politi…

And with that out of the way, you can find part 1 of the leadership tapes proper, here:
Oh and before someone says 'youthful high jinks' about Boris' facilitation of a plot to beat up a fellow Telegraph journalist:

He was 29 in 1993.
Missing some Tweet in this thread?
You can try to force a refresh.

Like this thread? Get email updates or save it to PDF!

Subscribe to John Bull
Profile picture

Get real-time email alerts when new unrolls are available from this author!

This content may be removed anytime!

Twitter may remove this content at anytime, convert it as a PDF, save and print for later use!

Try unrolling a thread yourself!

how to unroll video

1) Follow Thread Reader App on Twitter so you can easily mention us!

2) Go to a Twitter thread (series of Tweets by the same owner) and mention us with a keyword "unroll" @threadreaderapp unroll

You can practice here first or read more on our help page!

Related hashtags

#brexitTapes #leadershipTapes

More from @garius see all

Profile picture
John Bull
@garius
Well I'm sold.
And because I'm nice, here's a blank version. Reply to this thread with your own version.

Text for MP Name / Constituency is Minion Pro, 60pt
Read 4 tweets
Profile picture
John Bull
@garius
JAVID: Gentlemen, The Saj suggests that we jointly announce that we will be fighting a clean leadership campaign.
RAAB: I'm confused. Why?
JAVID: To make all the other fuckers look dirty.
HANCOCK: Nice. I like it.
RAAB: I'm not sure we should we be working together
JAVID: Well we're not the leading pack are we?
HANCOCK: He's right Dom. Gove? Johnson? They're Champions League. We're barely pushing for Europe
RAAB: I don't want Europe! No deal!
JAVID <interrupting>: Matt, don't confuse him.
RAAB: Why should I cooperate with you? I'm out near the front!
HANCOCK: Oh Dom. You've never done a Tory leadership race have you?
JAVID: It's like the Grand National Dom, but with more runners
HANCOCK: And deaths.
JAVID: And the frontrunners rarely win.
Read 13 tweets
Profile picture
John Bull
@garius
Okay Twitter. I'm looking for a holiday in the first week of July that:

1) Is Europe (ideally Mediterranean)
2) Is a chill small city or town with history stuff
3) Has good swims (outdoor)
4) Is easy to get to from London
5) doesn't break the bank
6) Is warm/tolerable hot

HELP
I should add that neither of us can drive, which is a limiting factor too.

We're such Londoners. 😂
We don't mind busing/cabbing etc as required though.
Read 4 tweets

Related threads

Profile picture
Capel Lofft
@CapelLofft
People often ask me why I hate the Lib Dems so much. They're so fluffy and harmless they say. They're better than the Tories, they suggest unhelpfully. Here are a few thoughts on why I have total and utter contempt for the Lib Dems. This might take a while:
1. The Lib Dems DO fight dirtier and more dishonourably than everyone else. Because they have little in the way of a core, partisan vote, and few firmly identify with their 'principles', they have to use every dirty trick in the book to build a local government base. So they ...
...stretch the boundaries of decent conduct to breaking point. They lie, they misrepresent, they smear, they take credit for stuff they haven't done. The fact that 'Lib Dem barcharts' are infamous throughout the country isn't a coincidence
Read 13 tweets
Profile picture
Tara Benson ☀️
@tarabluesky
Yesterday evening a delightfully peaceful and well-mannered courier called and handed me this from @Citymapper 💚
I'm excited because I love companies changing the commercial model of their sector. Interestingly I paid for this almost a month ago and the earliest I can use it is Monday, so clever @Citymapper have had my cash for a month and probably used it to pay for the PASS and delivery.
Here's what I've bought. I'm curious to see whether I get value for money from it because it's £3.90 more than a zone 1-2 Travelcard (@JuliaKingsford)
Read 11 tweets
Profile picture
Sara Gibbs
@Sara_Rose_G
People keep asking me to explain antisemitism. I can’t explain the history of thousands of years of prejudice. I can outline some of the common tropes. I also don’t have time to explain why each thing is antisemitic, so think of these as things to study further independently 1/
Let’s start with an easy one: Jews control the world. You can read more here: rationalwiki.org/wiki/Internati… but essentially the antisemitic conspiracy theory, which has mutated in various forms over the centuries, is that a shadowy cabal of Jews are the cause of all the world’s ills 2/
Dating back to biblical times, the Jews were accused of killing Christ (it was, in fact, the Romans). This myth is still prevalent today. It was one of my first antisemitic experiences & a lot of Jews have experienced being called Christ killers at some point. 3/
Read 89 tweets
Profile picture
Carl T. Bergstrom
@CT_Bergstrom
Selection effects are interesting.

Universities like to brag about how small their classes are. Current students often find it hard to believe these stats.

"The average class size is 20? No way! In three years, all but 2 of my classes have had at least 100 students." 1/n
What is going on here? It's simple. Big classes serve a disproportionate number of students. Suppose a department offers 100 courses with 10 students each and 10 courses with 100 students each. 2/n
The average class size is less than 20. But fully half of the students taking these classes are taking classes of size 100 rather than size 10.

From a student's perspective, average class size is misleading because she won't spend much of her time in average-sized classes. 3/n
Read 12 tweets
Profile picture
Paul Schmehl
@PaulSchmehl
Here’s what it means to be an American.
1) You can live where you want.
2) You can say what you want.
3) You can do what you want so long as you don’t harm another person.
4) You can pursue whatever path pleases you.
5) You can believe whatever you want.
Here’s what you CAN’T do as an American.
1) You can’t tell someone else where they can live, what they can say, what they can do, what they can pursue or what they can believe. It’s none of your business, just as yours is none of theirs.
People who live in America and try to tell other people what they should think, say or do are not Americans. They don’t live like Americans. They don’t think like Americans, they don’t act like Americans. Just because you live in America does not mean you are an American.
Read 16 tweets
Profile picture
The Hoarse Whisperer
@HoarseWisperer
Here we go... a rollicking live-snark of Commander Babyfingers' State of the Union Address.

On tap: unfiltered commentary, custom-tailored for those who cannot bear to endure this nightmare live. I shall take that bullet.

Live-snark commences now...

#SOTU2018
First a cpl disclaimers:

To mute this thread, merely click on that little arrow thingy in the upper right corner and this snark-a-thon shall pollute your timeline no more.

Second, there are gonna be some typos and such.

To err is humna.

Be gentle.
As is my civic duty, I will be subjecting myself to tonight's speech bolstered only by copious amounts of beer.

As the patriot Nathan Hale's far lesser known brother, Pete, once said "I regret that I have but one liver to give for my country."

I'm a giver. I give.
Read 52 tweets

Trending hashtags

#PASS #BuildTheWall #Dakota38 #r4today #VirginiaBeach #prodmgmt #megalomania #YourLittleSecret #WoundedKneeMassacre #ego #NoRA #Lean #spinning #here #stage #design #yankalilla #sociopathic #BuildOurWallNOW #featured #innovations #HuntingTheHunters #songs #boris #boothby
Follow Us on Twitter!

Did Thread Reader help you today?

Support us! We are indie developers!

This site is made by just three indie developers on a laptop doing marketing, support and development! Read more about the story.

Become a Premium Member ($3.00/month or $30.00/year) and get exclusive features!

Become Premium

Too expensive? Make a small donation by buying us coffee ($5) or help with server cost ($10)

Donate via Paypal Become our Patreon

Thank you for your support!