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Lot's of discourse surrounding genital preference at the moment. I'm ever cautious when it comes to sharing my thoughts on this because it's such a complex issue.
I'm gonna share a few thoughts tho... here we go.
I'm gonna share a few thoughts tho... here we go.
Before I get into it, I wrote a thread sharing my own opinions on this a while back. I'm linking it here, with a disclaimer that I've learned a few things since I wrote it and I'm STILL learning:
So. Bioessentialism. It's a very real thing. It goes much deeper than you'd think. There's a colonial settler aspect to this that goes way back to white folks colonising other nations and bringing their white supremacist (christian) morality to first nation, indigenous people.
It's so deeply rooted in "whiteness" and "colonialism" and has been pushed aside by white folks for so long that many don't even know how deep it actually goes. It's only through reading what PoC have had to say on this that I've begun to understand it myself. It's a hard pill...
to swollow. I'm not even going to downplay that. You have to be ready to lay yourself open to some serious introspection to hear this and process it. To let it in and learn from it and that's not easy when you're entire world is "white privilege" combined with "cis privilege"...
The ego is a fucking nightmare to tackle and urge to resist and fight against something that challenges your own understanding of things is really powerful.
Ask yourself tho... do you want to learn and be a better ally or do you want to dig your heels in and be "right" ?
Ask yourself tho... do you want to learn and be a better ally or do you want to dig your heels in and be "right" ?
OK, so I came across this thread by Marisol today and it's excellent. She details how the TERFs use bioessentialism as a weapon against trans & non-binary folks. Please take a few minutes to read:
Marisol doesn't exaggerate at all in that thread. I've witnessed the terfs do exactly what she describes, as she describes it and there's not one trans person I know (or one cis ally) who wouldn't back that up. That's nothing but truth right there.
I then came across this thread from @dopegirlfresh which has me sitting here, thinking about the way I've voiced my own opinion on this (see my linked thread above) issue & how I've explained my own preferences.
The first thing that hit me was this:
So I went back and did some more reading on settler colonialism. I re-watched some videos made by Two spirit indigenous people and reminded myself of the damage colonialism caused indigenous people. I reminded myself that I've grown up with my sexuality being based on those...
same ideals. By that I mean, I've grown up with colonial attitude to sexuality as that is the "white" way. That's my world. The white, christian, eurocentric version of who I am. PoC have been trying to explain why this is bad for years. It never occurred to me that I was also...
being damaged by the very thing PoC have been speaking on until I read more PoC and set my ego aside (as much as I could) and actually LISTENED to what they were saying. It goes without saying that I haven't been harmed as much as PoC who for generations have been on the
receiving end of white colonialism and racism. I'm not comparing my experiences to theirs, only trying to clarify that I recognise that when PoC say white colonialism is bad (evil in fact) and needs to be tackled and that effects us all, including white people, THEY ARE CORRECT.
We have to dismantle, tear down and rebuild if we ever want true equality, but that's another issue and I'm going off on a tangent here. Back to bioessentialsim:
The next tweet that hit me was:
The next tweet that hit me was:
She's not wrong there either. We need to open ourselves up to this and do the work.
Then there was this "be honest: you like certain genitals specifically because of what you think a partner’s body says about you." That was the kicker right there.
Then there was this "be honest: you like certain genitals specifically because of what you think a partner’s body says about you." That was the kicker right there.
"be honest: you like certain genitals specifically because of what you think a partner’s body says about you."
That kicked me right in the *lesbian*.
How can I be a "real lesbian™" if I'm not all about the vagina?
Lots of hard looking in the mirror...
That kicked me right in the *lesbian*.
How can I be a "real lesbian™" if I'm not all about the vagina?
Lots of hard looking in the mirror...
Again, none of this is meant to take away anyone's right to a preference. I'm just trying to examine why, where it comes from, how it came to be this way etc...
Then this:
Then this:
Again, got me thinking. Trauma is very real and it does crazy shit to the way you move in the world and how you interact with people. I've stated that despite my own trauma I would never discount the POSSIBILITY of having something with someone based solely on their genitals...
but is that really true? I'd have to be in that position to ever really know and I like to believe that I'm true to my words on that one.
Anyway. This has been a bit of a ramble I know. I just felt I needed to share my thoughts on this as it's out there again and I feel it's
Anyway. This has been a bit of a ramble I know. I just felt I needed to share my thoughts on this as it's out there again and I feel it's
important and needs discussion.
I do feel that my personal preference is just that, a preference not based in transphobia but I also acknowledge that there is a bioessential aspect to that, that I need to deconstruct and really examine more closely.
I do feel that my personal preference is just that, a preference not based in transphobia but I also acknowledge that there is a bioessential aspect to that, that I need to deconstruct and really examine more closely.
I hope not of this offends but if it does, I apologise.
This is an aspect of my life, my character that I'm recently getting to, examining and trying to process.
This is an aspect of my life, my character that I'm recently getting to, examining and trying to process.
