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An engineer dies and goes to heaven. She's met by St. Peter at the pearly gates.
"Welcome! Here's your laptop. We fixed the keyboard. Let me show you around!"
"Over here, we have the Azure folks. Just over there, the GCP folks. It's probably best you don't ask about the Oracle Cloud folks; they're... elsewhere."
"Wow!" she exclaims. "This is great--but what's that wall over there?"
"Go peek through the hole in the wall and see for yourself!" the holy gatekeeper responded.
"But... this is where the AWS people are!"
"Shh!" says Peter frantically. "Keep your voice down! They think they're the only ones up here!" crn.com.au/news/aws-forbi…
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Corey Quinn
@QuinnyPig
I'm trying to build something in Fargate.

Do I ping my container friends or my serverless friends for this? Halp, my Route 53 database is filling up!
We'll go with Twitter for a start.

I have a script that outputs text (could be JSON, could be anything, not relevant.)

I have a bunch of invocations of this script that need to be run; multiple arrays of parameters.
Think "twenty AWS accounts, the script needs to be run in every region in every account" style of problem. sts assume-role issues are out of scope for the problem definition; it's an example.
Read 4 tweets
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Corey Quinn
@QuinnyPig
This should just happen underneath the hood rather than being a feature. It exposes plumbing that as a user I don't want to think about.
If I have instances in an ASG I don't manage them individually unless I enjoy pain. I think of the group as a collective.
The entire promise of the cloud is that it takes care of things like this for me. Instead it's something else to think about.
Read 4 tweets
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Corey Quinn
@QuinnyPig
“I don’t see what’s so bad about our service names” fumes @isforat as he reads my latest newsletter on his Acer “XR342CK Pbmiiqphuzx” monitor.

Seriously, @acer; who hurt you? acer.com/ac/en/US/conte…
Did an employee trip over a box and face plant a keyboard? Do we need to call OSHA?
I mean, @awscloud may name its database after a Disney Princess but that still beats Acer’s “leftover Scrabble tiles” approach.
Read 3 tweets

Related threads

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Stu Cvrk
@STUinSD
Cowboy at the Pearly Gates

1. After he died, a cowboy met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
2. "Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered.

"On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.”
3. “So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, ‘Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!'"
Read 4 tweets
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Half baked teacher
@Nyaerere
While walking down the street one day a Senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter.
'No problem, just let me in. Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.
'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the Senator.
'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he went down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he found himself in the middle of a green golf course.
Read 12 tweets
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Aumone Maison
@AumoneMaison
VOTE FOR THOSE WHO DON'T LIE TO YOU!

While walking down the street a corrupt Senator was tragically hit by a car and died. His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter"Before you settle in it seems there is a problem.
We seldom see a high official around these parts you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.
"No problem just let me in," says the Senator.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you
can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the Senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell.
The doors open and he finds himself
Read 11 tweets
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❌Stu Cvrk
@STUinSD
Word to the Wise

1. While walking down the street one day a corrupt senator was tragically hit by a car and died. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
2. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.”

"No problem, just let me in," says the senator.
3. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
Read 15 tweets
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❌Stu Cvrk
@STUinSD
Heaven’s Clocks

1. A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, ‘What are all those clocks?’
2. St. Peter answered, ‘Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.’

‘Oh,’ said the man, ‘whose clock is that?’
3. ‘That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.’

‘Incredible,’ said the man’. And whose clock is that one?’
Read 5 tweets
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❌ OFDrated ADDgolfer 🍻
@ADDgolfer
1. Walking down the street one fine day in Wash DC, a female Democrat Senator, not watching where she is going, is hit by a bus and dies. Her soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
2. "Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter.
"Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high political official like yourself around these parts, we're not entirely sure what to do with you."
3. "No problem, just let me in," says the woman.
"I do wish it was that easy,” says St. Peter, “I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. You can then choose where to spend eternity."
Read 17 tweets

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