As kids, we'd knock around on a thin strip of woodland that separated our housing estate from a half-abandoned industrial estate nearby. The area was known as "the camel hills" and we'd spend our time in there after school and weekends. A bit of nature in a world of grey.
But as we got older.. about 13-14 we became more mischievous and started exploring the empty factories and warehouses and breaking things... basically. But we soon grew bored of that... and our eyes turned to the giant diary that was one of the few factories still in operation.
The dairy backed right up to the camel hills and was separated by a giant 12ft brick wall. We used to climb the trees that hung over the wall... drop down onto the roof of one of the dozens of refrigerated trucks and get access to the yard...
This was always in the early evening and it wasn't long until we realised the refrigerated trucks were never locked and they were all filled with products ready for delivery the next morning. So we helped ourselves. This went on for a few weeks. I don't think anyone ever noticed.
There were four of us and we were essentially grabbing a couple of milkshakes from a giant crate... but things started to get out of hand one day when me and my mate realised we could sell these things on the bus to school the next morning.
The exact same milkshakes were sold in the canteen for 50p... We'd fill out school bags with them the night before, leave our bags in the back garden and sell them half price the next morning. We were making tuck shop money basically. Robbing the local dairy.
Did I mention my mum worked at the dairy? Yeah... She was a cleaning lady there and worked a morning shift. There was never any crossover between us being there... until the middle of that summer... She started working the evening shift. The same time I was robbing the place.
every weeknight... for like... five weeks.
We never went INTO the factory, we were always in the cover of shadow in the carpark outback... I don't know what the fuck was going through my mind but that was the justification for continuing to do it. She'd never know...
We never went INTO the factory, we were always in the cover of shadow in the carpark outback... I don't know what the fuck was going through my mind but that was the justification for continuing to do it. She'd never know...
but that all changed one night when I should never have been there for a whole other reason. I was grounded. I can't remember why but I was not allowed out that week. My old man got back from work and my mum when out to do her shift.
I was upstairs watching tv in my room, my dad was downstairs with my sisters and little brother. I snook out of the house and met up with my mate to do the usual "dairy run". All was going well, we had it down to a 40 minutes operation. In and out. No messing.
Only this night, unbeknownst to me, mum was on a smoke break around the front of the factory by the security guard's cabin. And right there on camera, she sees me and my best mate, Matty walking across the rear car park, heavy bags on our backs and climbing our way out.
She loses her shit AND GIVES CHASE. Keep in mind at this point I have no idea about any of this. By the time she made it around the rear of the diary, we were long gone. But she didn't stop there...
Now we'd emerge from the "camel hills" with these heavy bags on our back carrying dozens of milkshakes. Rather than walk down the street, we would walk down the train tracks that ran alongside the estate and then cut in closer to home so as to avoid being seen by anyone.
This night, like dozens of other successful missions we were walking down the tracks. We then passed under a bridge emerging on the other side to the sound of shrieking from the road above. Mum looking me right in the eye. "DEAN, YOU THIEVING LITTLE BASTARD, GET BACK HERE NOW!"
I of course... did the exact opposite. I RAN. Legging it down the tracks away from my screaming mother. I was about a half-mile from home via the tracks and I knew mum would be heading the same way via the streets and it would take her five minutes longer. THE RACE WAS ON.
I'm a fat guy now and I was a fat kid then... Running was never really my thing. But I ran like fuck that night, spilling cartons of milkshakes as I went leaving a trail of the bastards in my slow ass wake. But I did it. I made it home before her.
But here's the thing... I was never supposed to be out in the first place. So now I had to climb up the fuckin drainpipe and into my open bedroom window.
I've never known fear like being halfway up a drainpipe, knowing my mum could be rounding the corner at any second. But she never did. I made it. I got inside and shut the window. Now I'm in my room, sweating can hardly breathe when I hear the front door blast open downstairs.
I hear my mum screaming, telling my old man that she just caught me robbing the dairy... and he has to go find me. But here's where it gets awkward. My dad starts defending me. "what are you talking about??? he's grounded. He's been upstairs all night"...
So now I hear them both pounding up the stairs and my bedroom door is thrown open and my mum charges in, just as exhausted as I was... but now I'm IN BED. Under the covers, fully clothed but the sweat wiped from my face... It looks like I'm just drowsily watching tv in bed.
my mum takes a beat, not expecting this but also not being stupid enough to not believe her eyes when seeing her own fat ass 14-year-old kid run away from her. She says she just saw me at the dairy and knows I've been out. I, of course, LIE THROUGH MY FUCKING TEETH.
I've never been so offended. I know I'm a little shit but now I'm getting in trouble for things I never even did??? I have my dad defending me, he knows for a fact I've been in all night. My sister comes in, she's heard the tv in my room... Mum wavers second-guesses her self.
She actually apologises to me... I've never felt so guilty in my entire life yet at the same time euphoric to actually be getting away with it. She even comes back up later with some toast. Her and dad agreed to let me out the next night. I was no longer grounded. I was ecstatic.
anyway, the reason I bring this up is I was just at my mum's, and we were talking about when she used to work at the dairy and the time I got away with robbing it and the room went silent. I for some reason assumed I'd come clean years ago and it was now a fun family anecdote.
Nope. She had no idea. For over twenty years she's felt guilty about that night... I now have the family saying I have to make it up to her this Christmas. So yeah... I guess what I'm saying is. KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Never admit to anything. No good will ever come of it.
a little visual of where it all took place. 
