When you've lost a loved one due to pancreatic cancer, each and every new dx you hear, you're instantly transported back to when you first found out and how long they had on this Earth; how they defied their dx until they couldn't; how they delayed their transition...
Mommy was dx around May 2010. She fought like heaven (lol) until November 2011. She got chemo and radiation while continuing to teach at community college, while continuing to work on her MTheo, while continuing to sing in 2 choirs, while continuing to teach Sunday school...
Like seriously y'all, my mom was a freaking cancer warrior. I wanted to believe that she might be able to beat it because she was possibly a surgery candidate for cyberknife... But the day of, they took a look and said nope it's too close. So she kept fighting anyway...
Until she became septic from her port... If I have any regrets or disappointment in her care, it's that her treatment team didnt catch it for months. In Aug 2011, she started experiencing problems with eating, not nausea but something else odd...
She said that when she chewed her food, she felt like she was two years old. Looking back, I think that the sepsis/cancer had impacted the enzymes in her saliva so her food wasn't breaking down in her mouth the same way...
It wasn't until Thanksgiving on our semi-annual trip to VA that I realized how little she was eating. We lived in the same house, but our combined busyness meant that I didn't really see her. On that trip, she ate so little and I realized how much smaller she had become...
And yeah because until that point, chemo and radiation and cancer had not decreased my mom's appetite. She was a snacker, especially on the road lol. So when i woke up to the situation, I resolved that we were calling her dr 1st thing on Monday morning!
We didn't even make it to Monday. Exhausted from driving home from VA,I was in my bed trying to be comatose. She woke me out of my sleep, yelling for me to come help. I was cranky but she was shivering bad. Trying to drink hot tea but couldn't hold the cup still...
So we're thinking of ways to get her to stop shivering. She had taken her temp, no fever but something was clearly up. I'm thinking it's the lack of food. So I go the store to get her soft foods because I don't know what's happening with her chewing? I get back and she looks...
She looks awful. Dehydrated and her eyes are huge. Then all of a sudden, she starts talking nonsensical... Not gibberish but like a normal sentence where every word but 1 or 2 fits. Where the context clues tell you what she means but the words don't fit and I'm like NOPE...
We're going to the hospital now because my English teaching, seminarian puzzle loving mommy ain't making sense anymore! So off we go. She's diagnosed with sepsis and hospitalized and though it temporarily improves,She never comes back home...
Her initial treatment gives her edema. All of a sudden her frail form becomes heavy and she's unable to walk. She is released to skilled nursing rehab but has 2 incidents where she is coughing up blood so she's rushed back. She's intubated. It's Christmastime...
She's awake but panicky behind the mask and tubing. They call in a priest and we read Psalm 91 to her. There's a whole decision point that occurs. Her condition qualifies her for hospice but now she's too sick to go. She really wants to go to hospice so she gets well enough to go
She gets to hospice and my sister and i spend NYE at church and then come visit her. We walk in empty-handed and get fussed out. Where's the ginger ale and the party hats??? Hospice is healing to Mommy! No more beeping and it's like a hotel
MLK Day weekend starts and she's doing so well that she's going to be discharged next week back to a nursing facility. Sunday I visit her after church but she's out of it. I think it's the medicine or she's just sleepy but Jesus is calling, I just don't realize it...
Monday MLK day. I'm running errands. The hospice calls, you have to come right now. She's slipping away. Mommy is in a deep sleep and not responsive. I call my sister to come from VA. The drs come back on Tuesday morning and they are shook! On Friday she was ready for discharge?
The nurses keep checking with us periodically while pastors and friends visit. They are surprised she is still here. Their normal is once someone is in that deep sleep, they're gone within a few short hours. Mommy stays because my sister is not there yet... I understand this 💯
Pastor tells me that hearing is the last sense to go and encourages me to keep talking to her. So i keep mommy updated as my sister drives from VA. She gets lost in MD, like she always does. She stops at giant eagle smh lol. She finally arrives. We pray together and I leave...
I've been there for almost 48 hrs. I've said my goodbye. I want to decompress with my friends and take the garbage out. By the time I get to Eat n park and order my pie, my sister is on the phone hysterical. She tells me i gotta come back but won't confirm if Mommy's gone...
I return to the hospice and Mommy was gone, Mouth open and eyes closed because she had been snoring in her deep sleep on her last breath. My sister and I kneel went pray together for several minutes. We say amen, and see Mommy's expression is now a sweet serene smile 😂
I remind mommy that I don't do gliosis ghosts so please don't be creeping around my house and haunting me. If you need to reach me, do it in my dreams please! And yeah that's it i guess...
So pancreatic cancer and sepsis were the cause, but not the deliverer of death. God transitioned my mother home when she was ready. The dx said that she should have only had months to live but God! Chemo and radiation are supposed to slow you down but God!
I firmly believe that mommy could have died at Christmastime but she didn't want to do that to us so she kept right on fighting until she was ready. And then the final gift of staying in this world until an hour after my sister arrived from VA? Only a loving Father would do that!
So that's my pancreatic cancer story. I send continual love and light to all those who are dx and their families. Though it is a terminal disease, the will to live is powerful and the person's attitude changes everything! My mom praised her way through it until God called her
Ugh auto correct. What is a gliosis and why can't you edit tweets 😫
