Went to take out trash.Was talking on phone in Chinese. Man walked by on sidewalk & in interest of social distancing,I said,"sorry, go ahead." "FUCKING CHINESE,"he yelled loud enough I could hear him over aide's voice on phone. I turned to look at him to make sure I heard right
"Yea,I'm talking to you, Chinese bitch," he continued. "UR FUCKING CHINESE." Man didn't seem drunk or mentally ill. I was so breathless I couldnt make sound on phone for long while. I was asked on phone if I was OK. I couldn't say anything for a long minute.He kept looking at me
I wasn't offended.I was afraid. I was worried he knew where I lived. I decided not to go fetch the bag of rice a few blocks away even tho I don't know if lockdown is coming & what that means for my grain situation. It doesn't seem worth it.
For the longest time,Ive been telling friends in China that altho racism against Chinese exists in this country,that's NOT what I feel in a pandemic.I've never felt like this in my 27 yrs in this country.I've never felt afraid to leave my home to take out the trash bc of my face.
I want to believe what happened is anomalous& that we r living in extraordinary times&fear can deform us. I wonder now if I should've taken his pic but dunno if that would've just aggravated him.I have no answers,many questions& maybe 4 words: Extreme Caution, Radical Compassion
