Thread by @IndigoDaya

I’m not a fan of risk assessments.

But I am a fan of being able to talk frankly about #suicide followed by empathetic, rights-based support.

This thread does some good myth busting on that. And yes self-injury is different.

Here’s a few bits I’d add from lived experience...

https://twitter.com/sfreedenthal/status/1371158916990525440

2/ If we say we’re thinking about suicide, don’t panic.

It may or may not be a crisis. It may feel odd to you—but some of us have thought about suicide for decades, regularly.

I consider myself largely healed but I still have regular suicide thoughts.

(Don’t panic, I’m OK)

3/ It’s helpful to understand the different nuances of how we are thinking about suicide...

Are thoughts abstract or occasional... or a lot, or increasing? For how long?
&
Is it a thought (‘I could’) or a desire (‘I want’) or an urge (‘I need to’) or a plan (‘I’m ready’).

4/ The big question is why.

Suicide is not a meaningless sign of ‘mental illness’.

Typically it’s a sign of 2 things:

1. The person is feeling unbearable pain (any type)
AND
2. The person has lost hope it will change.

If you want to help, you need to understand these whys.

5/ More than that, you need to listen really well, stay out of judgement and demonstrate excellent empathy.

We are not going to talk to you if we think you don’t care. You should care. And you should show it.

6/ Know that the simple (not really simple) act of listening can have healing value all by itself.

Often not enough, but sometimes it’s enough.

So do really good listening.

7/ You need to do something if we want you to. You should ask if we know what would help. Then help us to get that.

Sometimes we’ll know, sometimes we won’t.

Please don’t suggest we try a bubble bath. It’s a really dumb idea if we’re wanting to die, for so many reasons.

8/ If we’re not sure what might help, focus on exploring with us ways to alleviate the unbearable pain. Right now & short term. Long term later.

You could talk about hope, but that’s a much tougher gig when we’re in this place. Alleviating pain will help with the hope anyway.

9/ You might ask if there are people or places that feel safe or comforting to us, maybe we could access those supports.

We may feel too ashamed to ask for support so we might need a hand.

Or not. Ask.

10/ Please, don’t call the cops, the ambo or a CATT team.

Unless of course we want you to. Then do.

Forcing us into a carceral system at our darkest hour can really add to unbearable pain & hopelessness.

11/ Kinda the same with psych drugs.

Ask if folks find them helpful. Sometimes drugs can really help in a crisis, sometimes they can make everything worse.

Rights-based support recognises that people can & should make their own choices about what happens to our bodies.

12/ Think & ask about trauma, adversity & existential crisis. Most often, there is a reason out in the world at the base of our distress.

Be an ally in naming these structural issues. Help break them down, if you can.

Don’t just individualise the issues in us.

13/ I’ve had so many suicidal crises over the years. I’ve had coercion, judgement, compassion & sometimes nothing at all.

What sticks with me most are those folks who could just be with me, in the pain. Not trying to fix me & not leaving me stranded.

Be with people. Be allies.

14/ BTW this is not a comprehensive list, and I’m a bit tired... but it’s what comes immediately to mind.

Please feel free to add other lived experience reflections on what might help, or to query or add nuance where needed.

💜