Thread by @IndigoDaya

“Why I’m a mad activist”
THREAD 1/11

37 years ago I was a victim of child sexual abuse, by a man who abducted me.

The police did nothing.
My mother said to never tell.
So I kept it secret.

I had to make sense of it on my own. So I blamed myself, just like my abuser wanted...

2/ In my teens I reacted to the shame by being as ‘bad’ as I believed I was.

In my 20s I suppressed the shame by overachieving, until it didn’t work any more.

By 30 the shame took over and a voice told me I was evil. I tried to die. I hurt myself. Every moment was anguish.

3/ Psychiatry saw my sobbing & called it depression.

They saw my tormenting voice and belief that I was bad, & called it schizophrenia.

They saw my scars & called it personality disorder.

They never saw the trauma, the meaning behind the madness, because they never asked.

4/ Psychiatry gave me lots of pills, until I was fat, doped up & docile.

They gave me shock treatments until I lost memories.

When I tried to say ‘no’, they locked me up. They forced me.

Until psychiatric treatment felt just like that child abuse.

5/ For nine years of my life, psychiatry reinforced the messages of my abuser:

I was a bad & broken person

The pain & cruelty will never end

No-one will believe me

I deserved to feel shame.

6/ Eventually I found a way out. I stopped the pills, shed the psych labels, made sense of my voice and emotional pain.

I put the shame where it belonged: with my abuser & those who covered it up.

With peer support, a sexual assault counsellor, and enormous effort, I healed.

7/ But these abuses are still happening. Child abuse & neglect, sexual violence, family violence, bullying, hate crimes.

Too many are hurt in unimaginable ways, and are not believed or supported.

Many of these people end up in mental health systems and get hurt all over again.

8/ Today, I work in the mental health system to influence change and social justice. I focus on:

— challenging a system that pathologises & re-traumatises

— understanding trauma

— less pills, more listening

— human rights

— survivors’ voices being the loudest voices.

9/ My work is often painful. My old wounds are reopened over & over, while I try to stand in vulnerability & strength.

I often wonder if it’s worth it. Do I make the slightest difference?

But I know that I was a victim and now I’m a survivor, and this is the path I must walk.

10/ And I know that I am not alone.

The psychiatric survivor movement is growing bigger and stronger every day. Many try to discredit us. It can hurt, but it also confirms we’re having an impact.

Our allies are growing too, and they are so welcome, valued and needed.

11/ Psychiatry has enormous power & privilege. Mostly they ignore us & the harms continue.

But the changes we‘re fighting for will come. A future where trauma is understood, people are supported & rights are upheld.

If you’re not already in this struggle, I hope you join us.